


I am what I am

by Gilrael



Series: I am what I am [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Angst, Asexuality, Demisexuality, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Frottage, Homophobia, M/M, Masturbation, Much more fluff than angst, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-15
Updated: 2016-08-09
Packaged: 2018-07-15 08:03:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 40,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7214293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gilrael/pseuds/Gilrael
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Uh, hi. I'm Ennoshita Chikara,” he introduced himself with a shy little smile that made Ryū's heart skip a beat.<br/>“Tanaka Ryūnosuke,” he replied mechanically, stepping aside so that Ennoshita-san could enter the flat. “C-come i-in.”<br/>---<br/>Chikara moves out, because he has enough of his shitty flatmate. Ryū happens to need a new flatmate.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Ultra

**Author's Note:**

> Here it is. Another EnnoTana multichapter fic with a sprinkle of KinoNari because they need more love.  
> The title is taken from [a song by KMFDM](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gx30_2yGMsw) of the same name, the same goes for the [title of the first chapter](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IdmhFhxJIXQ). Don't know whether I'll keep this pattern up or not xD  
> I don't really have much to say about this yet. I wanted to write demisexual Ennoshita and this AU is what I came up with. I'll be drawing heavily on my own experience of figuring out that I was demisexual, so I hope I'll be able to portray it in a way that makes sense^^

The distinct smell of tobacco, alcohol and weed hung in the air, making Chikara tense up as he stepped into the flat. What he saw beyond the threshold made him frown – cans of beer tipped over and spilling on the hardwood floor, cartons with half eaten pizza on the coffee table, and an overflowing ashtray balanced on a throw pillow. Careful not to step on anything, Chikara made his way into the kitchen to survey the extent of the chaos. He regretted it immediately when he saw the glass shards littering the sticky floor. Good thing he hadn't bothered taking off his shoes. There were tons of dirty cups, glasses, and plates piled up in the sink. He turned around and fought his way through the living room again to see if the bathroom was in a similar shape. It looked alright at first glance, but the acrid smell of vomit permeated the air. Pulling aside the shower curtain he found the source of the smell and immediately left the room again.

There was only one person who could've caused this and Chikara had enough of his bullshit. Now that he'd been living with Yamada for half a year, Chikara had lost all respect he once held for him and this was the last straw. It was one thing to throw a party and another to wreck the flat like this.

Shaking with anger, he unlocked the door to his room. Locking it up before he left the flat had become an ingrained habit since he once witnessed Yamada's friends messing around with his film equipment. Nothing happened that time, but he wasn't taking any chances.

Chikara dropped his bags on the bed, got the suitcase he stored in his closet and started throwing things in it. He wouldn't be able to take all of his stuff at once, so he focused on the essentials – his equipment, laptop, everything else he needed for classes, clothes and toiletries. He'd come and get the rest of his stuff later.

“Ennoshita? 's that you?” Yamada asked groggily. He sounded like shit, which wasn't surprising considering the remnants of the party that must've gone down last night.

“Yeah, it's me,” Chikara said, zipping up the suit case just as Yamada entered his room.

“Huh? What's up with the suit case? Didn't you just visit your family?”

“I'm moving out,” Chikara replied, wrinkling his nose at the sight of his flatmate. Yamada had rings under his eyes, a bad case of bedhead and it looked like he'd fallen asleep in the clothes he'd worn the day before. And he smelled as bad as the rest of the flat.

“What? Why?” he demanded to know. “I can't afford this flat on my own!”

“And I've had it with your inconsiderate behaviour,” Chikara snapped back. “So yeah, I'm leaving. I'll come and get the rest of my stuff as soon as I've found a place to stay.”

“Who are you gonna stay with? Those gays?”

Chikara cringed. He was too close to punching his senpai in the face. “And here we have another reason I want to get away from you,” he bit out through clenched teeth, “you are a homophobic asshole.”

“I'm not homophobic!” Yamada argued. “I just think that it's weird that someone like Narita would choose to stay with a guy. Half the girls in our department have a crush on him!”

Chikara's fingernails were digging into the flesh of his palm. The pain kept him focussed on not attacking Yamada. “Just shut up and let me through,” he muttered, picking up his bags and the suitcase.

“Well, I'm not gonna stop you,” Yamada grumbled, stepping aside. “But I really don't get what your problem is. We got along fine, didn't we?”

Chikara didn't have the patience to explain to him that, in fact, they hadn't 'got along fine'. Maybe when Chikara had first moved in with Yamada-senpai, but not anymore. Back then Chikara had known him as a rather charismatic person with a nice smile and a lot of friends who visited him often. Chikara didn't really mind the strangers in their living room most of the time. But when they started playing Guitar Hero at 3 a.m. on a Monday night, Chikara unceremoniously pulled the plug on the TV. He had to get up early for class and he took his studies seriously.

Three months into their new living arrangements Yamada-senpai gambled away his rent money at a pachinko parlour and Chikara had to pay his part of the rent. Yamada never paid him back.

After four months Yamada-senpai found out that Chikara's best friends, Kinoshita and Narita, were in a relationship. He called them faggots. Noticing Chikara's anger, he then tried to play it off as a joke, but Chikara didn't think it was funny.

Two weeks later Chikara saw Yamada flirt with a girl at a bar although he already had a girlfriend. Two days later Chikara accidentally walked in on them having sex in the shower. Yamada asked him not to tell his girlfriend. Chikara didn't need to. She found out soon enough and dumped Yamada's ass without listening to his pleas to forgive him.

 

As much of an arse Yamada was, he knew Chikara well enough to get one thing right: he was indeed planning on crashing on Kinoshita and Narita's couch.

And Chikara knew his friends well enough not to show up at their flat unannounced, so he called Kinoshita while he walked to the train station.

“Hello?” a familiar voice answered, but it wasn't Kinoshita.

“Hey, it's Ennoshita,” Chikara said, not surprised that Narita was picking up his boyfriend's phone. “Am I interrupting something?”

“Not really. We've already moved on to pillow talk.”

“I didn't need to know that. Just say no next time,” Chikara grumbled. It wasn't like he had a problem with his friends having sex, but he didn't want to know about it. He didn't want to know about anyone's sex life, really.

“Yeah yeah, sorry. So... Why are you calling?”

“I'm moving out and I need a place to stay at while I'm looking for a flat,” Chikara explained.

“Did Yamada throw you out?” Narita asked incredulously.

“No, but I just... I can't stand it anymore. I'm done with that guy and I hope that I don't have to see his ugly face every again.”

Somewhere in the background, Chikara could hear Kinoshita say “Good riddance!”, making him wonder whether Narita had put him on speaker.

“Well, I'm surprised it took you this long,” Narita said. “I would've gotten out of there months ago.”

Chikara sighed. “The flat is so close to campus, though...”

Narita laughed. “I'd rather deal with my thirty-minute commute than living with Yamada.”

“And that's why I'm asking you if I can stay at your place for a while.”

“Sure. We don't mind. Or do we?”

“Nope!” Kinoshita exclaimed loud enough for Chikara to hear.

“Thanks, guys.”

 

***

 

Chikara had known Kinoshita and Narita since middle school and they'd been inseparable ever since. They shared the same taste in entertainment. Be it manga, anime or film, they generally agreed on what was worth their time and they'd entered the volleyball club together because it seemed like a good idea at the time.

It was in their first year of high school that Chikara realised that something was different about him. Surprisingly, it wasn't the fact that he only developed crushes on guys. It was the way he felt about the guys he liked that was different.

Kinoshita had been the first one to come out. They'd just spent a day marathoning Star Wars, when during dinner he suddenly said, “I think I'm into men.”

Chikara still remembered the hopeful look on Narita's face as he blurted out, “Me too!”

In hindsight that was a dead giveaway to the fact that Narita was in love with their friend, but at the time Chikara simply thought that Narita was relieved not to be the only one because that was how he felt about this whole thing himself.

“I've only ever had crushes on guys,” he admitted.

“Well, that was not the reaction I expected,” Kinoshita said, laughing. Admittedly, it was a little ridiculous.

Usually, this was the time when they would start talking about the films they'd watched and take them apart like the nerds they were, but on that day their conversations revolved about another thing, namely the guys they'd currently set their sights on. It was during conversations like this that Chikara felt like something was different about him. While Narita and Kinoshita clearly expressed a desire to have sex with the guys they liked, Chikara didn't. He just couldn't imagine himself in a situation in which he'd want to have sex. He spent the next couple of nights trying to imagine anything beyond kissing his cute kouhai from middle school, but he couldn't. He could see himself holding his hand, embracing him, softly kissing him on his lips, but that was where the fantasies stopped. It didn't feel right to want anything more.

Chikara thought that maybe it was because he didn't really know how it was supposed to work with two guys (that was obviously not a topic they'd ever discussed during sex education at school), so he decided to look at gay porn in the middle of the night when his parents were asleep and couldn't accidentally walk in on him. It was weird. There was only one video he found that night in which both actors looked like they were actually enjoying what they were doing, and he still couldn't picture himself in either of their positions.

Meanwhile, Chikara's two best friends started low-key flirting every time they spoke with each other. Chikara watched Narita gaze at the back of Kinoshita's head during volleyball practice and he noticed the lovestruck look on Kinoshita's face that appeared whenever Narita laughed.

It felt like it was only a matter of time until one of them would snap and make the first move, so Chikara wasn't surprised when Kinoshita asked him to come over to his house one weekend without inviting Narita and immediately confessed his feelings for their friend.

“Ennoshitaaaa,” Kinoshita whined, arms wrapping tightly around his pillow as soon as he fell down on his bed. “I don't know what I should do anymore...”

“About what?” Chikara asked, sitting cross-legged on the floor.

“I think I have a crush on Narita,” Kinoshita mumbled, curling his body around the pillow.

“Uh, you think? I thought it was obvious.”

Kinoshita stiffened and slowly turned his head toward Chikara. “Oh shit, what if _he_ noticed?” His eyes were blown wide with fear.

Sighing, Chikara pinched the bridge of his nose between his fingers. “I don't think he has.” He wanted to add _just like you haven't noticed that he has a crush on you_ , but he thought better of it. “Well, I think your chances are pretty good. Have you seen the way he looks at you during practice? He basically stares holes into the back of your head every time you're not looking.”

Kinoshita sat up, a hopeful glimmer in his eyes. “Really? You sure?”

“Yeah. I think he wouldn't mind it if you asked him out.”

“But he's... he's my friend,” Kinoshita mumbled, playing with a corner of his pillow.

“Which means that you two have a solid foundation for your relationship.” Chikara smiled encouragingly. “Just go ahead and ask him out.”

 

Two days later, Chikara received messages from both of his friends.

 

From: Narita Kazuhito

> Kino just asked me out and from what I gathered from his stuttering you told him that he should, so I guess I owe you one

 

From: Kinoshita Hisashi

> You were right!! Aaaaaaah, thank you so much :D I'll treat you to meat buns after next practice

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tanaka will appear in the next chapter :3


	2. When it happens

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title of this chapter is based off of the song Wenn es passiert by Wir sind Helden. Hope you enjoy!

Something was extremely off about Asahi-san. He was more of a mess than usual, constantly fidgeting and throwing nervous glances in Noya-san's direction, then turning his head to look for Ryū only to flinch and look away again when their eyes met.

Ryū didn't like it, not just because they had an important practice match against Kyoto University coming up, but because Asahi-san was his friend and Ryū couldn't stand seeing his friends worry. Needless to say that he kept a close eye on the ace during practice. His performance wasn't at its peak, but Ryū had witnessed worse last year. _It can't be that serious then_ , he thought as their coach dismissed them. But Ryū was curious anyway.

“Asahi-san!” he yelled, patting him on the back a little too hard, making the glass-hearted ace flinch. “Is everything alright? You've been a little distracted today.”

Ryū frowned at the look of utter terror that crossed Asahi-san's face.

“Erm, I... uh... Well, I've been thinking about something,” he admitted, seemingly scared to meet Ryū's eyes.

“Wanna talk about it?” Ryū asked, steering his friend towards the locker room.

“Uh... I probably should talk to you about this, but not here,” Asahi mumbled, once again throwing a nervous glance in Noya-san's direction. The libero was currently caught up in a discussion with another one of their teammates.

“Ooooh, it's about your boyfr–”

Asahi clasped a hand over Ryū's mouth, looking around to see whether anyone had overheard them.

“We'll talk about this later. Please,” he muttered, completely red in the face. Ryū nodded and then forcefully removed Asahi's hand from his mouth because it was getting hard to breathe.

This was gonna be interesting.

 

Ryū and Asahi-san met up in the cafeteria during a shared free period.

“So, what's going on?” Ryū asked, getting straight to the point because it had been bugging him throughout his lectures.

Asahi-san seemed extremely uncomfortable with the situation, poking at his food with his chopsticks instead of eating. “Well... I've been thinking...”

“About what?” Ryū was getting impatient and when Ashi didn't say anything, a terrible thought crossed Ryū's mind. “Please don't tell me that you wanna break up with Noya-san!”

Once again Asahi looked completely horrified. “No!” he exclaimed loudly, making the other students in the cafeteria turn their heads. “No...” he repeated quietly, ducking his head. “I was actually thinking about asking him whether he wants to move in with me.”

“Oooh!” Ryū couldn't help grinning. Noya-san and Asahi-san were an odd couple, but there was no denying that they were making each other happy. Ryū liked seeing his friends happy. “And why do you need to talk to me about this? Just ask him!”

“But he's your flatmate and your best friend,” Asahi-san mumbled. “I don't want to get between you two...”

Oh yeah, if Noya-san moved in with Asahi-san, then Ryū would have to find a new flatmate.

He shrugged. “I'll find a new flatmate. As long as you guys are happy, I'm happy.”

 

***

 

In his third year of high school Ryū's volleyball team managed to progress to the quarter finals of the Nationals for the first time in the history of the school. It was Ryū's last chance to actually win at nationals and he was prepared to give it his all as his team's ace. After months of hard work, their dreams seemed to be coming to fruition.

But the opposing team's libero was ready for everything they threw at him. He was short, had spiked up hair with a bleached tuft in the front and he received at least half of Ryū's spikes. It was a tough match and in the end, Ryū's team lost by a very slim margin.

That was where Ryū's volleyball career probably could've ended. He was not a very studious person and had never even thought about going to university, so he was surprised when he was approached by a talent scout from Tokyo University who offered him an athletic scholarship. There was no way Ryū could've refused.

On his first day at uni, he saw him again, the libero that had made his last match of high school a living hell. Ryū recognised him instantly.

“Hey!” he yelled, running to catch up with him. “Didn't we play against each other a couple of weeks ago?”

“Oh! You're that guy!” the libero replied, eyes wide with excitement. “Your spikes were amazing! I was barely able to receive them!”

“Who are you calling amazing? I've never had such a hard time scoring!”

They kept yelling compliments at each other for another couple of minutes before finally, Ryū realised that he hadn't even introduced himself.

“My names Tanaka Ryūnosuke, by the way.”

“Nishinoya Yū, but everyone calls me Noya. Nice ta meetcha!” Noya-san held out his hand and Ryū shook it.

And that was how their friendship was born.

It took them half a semester to realise that dorm life sucked and to decide to move in together. Having Noya-san for a flatmate and best friend was incredibly fun. He and Ryū quickly became famous amongst their teammates for throwing the best parties despite being underage and therefore unable to provide their guests with alcohol. Nobody knew how they did it, but even without booze, they knew how to make meeting up in their flat fun. They got up to all sorts of shenanigans, but to the relief of their coaches never got into real trouble.

That was probably due to Asahi-san's influence. He was a bit of a scaredy-cat, a lot more level-headed than his two energetic kōhais and often able to steer them away from doing stupid things. Ryū looked up to him, because Asahi was only a second year but was already considered the ace, and Noya-san simply had the biggest crush on him.

One morning after a particularly long party, Ryū left his room and found Asahi-san passed out on the couch with Noya snuggled up against his chest. Both of them were still wearing the clothes from the night before. Ryū didn't know what happened between them, but he had a pretty good idea.

He only woke them up after he'd prepared breakfast, during which Noya-san kept happily clinging to Asahi who was blushing harder than ever. They were adorable together and Ryū swore to himself that he would protect them at all cost.

 

***

 

Of course, Noya-san said yes when Asahi finally worked up the guts to ask him whether he wanted to move in with him. Ryū felt weird whenever he thought about how Noya wouldn't be a constant presence anymore, but at the same time, he was excited for his friend. He'd never been a very selfish person and he wasn't gonna start being selfish now.

Noya-san promised to help him find a new flatmate that was at least half as awesome as Noya was (there was no way anyone could be as awesome as Noya-san though, Ryū was sure of that). It only took two days to find a suitable candidate.

“So I met one of my high school teammates at lunch!” Noya-san recounted as he went through his stuff to sort out the things he would have to get rid of before moving. “I kinda lost contact with him, although he also studies here. Well, I ran into him in that café where all the art students hang out and–”

“What were you doing there?” Ryū asked incredulously. “I thought you were over Kiyoko-san?”

In their first year at uni, before Noya-san and Asahi-san became a thing, Ryū and his best friend had gone to that café on a regular basis just because of the beautiful barista that worked there. She was the embodiment of grace and they never worked up the guts to actually have a conversation with her, instead stuttering out the same order every time until Kiyoko-san knew it by heart and started asking them for the usual when they came through the door. They never figured out how to deal with that.

“How can anyone ever be over Kiyoko-san?” Noya-san retorted and Ryū had to agree. “But I wasn't there for her. I actually wanted to meet up with Asahi. So back to my story.” He picked up an old issue of Jump, looked at its cover and placed it in the box with the other manga he wanted to take with him. “Ennoshita had some time to kill between classes, I hadn't seen the guy in ages, and Asahi wasn't there yet, so we started talking. One thing led to another and I told him that I'd be moving in with my boyfriend–”

“So he knows that you're bi?” Ryū asked curiously.

“Yeah. His two best friends, who were also on our team, are in a relationship, so I thought I'd be safe to tell him,” Noya-san explained, shrugging. “Turns out he's been crashing on their couch the last couple of days because he can't stand his flatmate anymore and wants to move out.”

Ryū instantly perked up at these words.

“Of course I told him that I still haven't found anyone to take over my room,” Noya-san went on, turning away from the stack of manga and facing Ryū instead. “I told him that he could take a look at it tomorrow evening.”

 

Ryū had made sure that the flat was spotless. He wasn't a very neat person, but he wanted his potential new flatmate to have a good first impression of him.

He'd asked Noya-san whether Ennoshita-san had also played in their match at Nationals, but apparently, he'd retired from club activities before the Spring High to focus on his exams. Accordingly, Ryū was not prepared for the sight that was revealed when he opened the front door.

Ennoshita-san was of roughly the same size and built as Ryū, though obviously not as fit as someone who played on Tokyo University's volleyball team. But he didn't need to be. He was still hot as fuck, with those heavily lidded eyes and the silky dark brown hair that framed his face in a very flattering way.

“Uh, hi. I'm Ennoshita Chikara,” he introduced himself with a shy little smile that made Ryū's heart skip a beat.

“Tanaka Ryūnosuke,” he replied mechanically, stepping aside so that Ennoshita-san could enter the flat. “C-come i-in.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And finally they meet for the first time! :D
> 
> Thanks for all the kudos, etc!


	3. Bienvenue chez moi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took way longer than I expected, but I'm finally done! The chapter title is from [Stromae's song of the same name](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QOQISCLKaKQ) and translates to "Welcome to my place". I also made playlist for this fic on [spotify](https://open.spotify.com/user/gilrael/playlist/0L4ks9g8gpMUBi7JXJ4S8Y)  
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter :3

Running into Nishinoya had been a coincidence. Chikara knew that his former teammate was on an athletic scholarship at the same uni, but since they studied in completely different departments he'd only ever seen him when Narita and Kinoshita forced him to go watch matches. They'd never had the chance to talk to Nishinoya afterwards though, so seeing him in a café near campus was a nice little surprise. The fact that Nishinoya was moving in with his boyfriend and looking for someone to take over his old room was sheer dumb luck.

Thus Chikara found himself ringing the doorbell in a small apartment complex that had seen better days. The stairs that led up to the flat were worn and the handrail slightly rickety. He really hoped that the inside of the flat was better kept than the outside.

The door was opened by a guy with a black undercut. Chikara remembered him from the last match he'd watched with his friends. He was one of the wing spikers. In the gym, he'd looked a lot more impressive and tall than he did now. He'd carried himself with such confidence and behaved so raucously that it had made him seem larger than life. Chikara wouldn't have thought that they'd be so close in height.

“Uh, hi. I'm Ennoshita Chikara.” He smiled, unsure what else to do because Nishinoya's friend didn't say anything.

“Tanaka Ryūnosuke. C-come i-in.”

“Nice to meet you, Tanaka-san,” Chikara replied, wondering why Tanaka-san was blushing so hard. Well, whatever. Chikara was here to get to know the guy and see the flat. Tanaka-san was probably a little flustered because he wasn't done with cleaning up or something.

“Here, have some slippers,” Tanaka-san offered after Chikara had taken off his shoes in the entryway.

“Thanks.” He looked around the room curiously but didn't really have the time to take it in before a familiar voice called out to him.

“Ennoshita! Glad you could make it!” Nishinoya said, entering the living room. “Let me show you around. Well, there's not much to show actually...”

 

The flat was nice. The combined living room and kitchen were spacious enough to hold a bunch of guests. The bathroom was a little small, but clean. The two bedrooms were situated directly next to each other and had large windows that let in a lot of light even now that the sun was setting. There were, of course, some things that could've been improved upon. The walls clearly used to be white but had turned a dull greyish colour with time and there were some dents in the floor of the room Chikara was supposed to move into. But the rent was reasonable and there was a train station one block over so that it would only take a quarter of an hour to reach campus. All in all, Chikara was satisfied with his potential new home.

Now it was time to find out whether or not he would be able to stand to be Tanaka-san's flatmate. The guy hadn't said much during the tour, mostly adding things that Nishinoya forgot to mention. Seeing him play volleyball, Chikara wouldn't have guessed that he was the type to be shy around strangers, but every time their eyes met, Tanaka-san's face would turn red.

Nishinoya made tea and they all sat down around the small kitchen table.

“So, Tanaka-san...” Chikara said, blowing on his tea to cool it down a little. “Do you have any habits I should know about before I move in with you?”

Nishinoya snickered. “You can count yourself lucky that he's wearing clothes right now.”

“You're exaggerating,” Tanaka-san mumbled. “It's not like I'm running around the flat naked. I'm always wearing underpants!”

Chikara didn't know what to reply to that and instead decided to take a sip of his tea. “What about parties? I don't know if Nishinoya told you why I'm moving...”

“He did. That Yamada guy sounds like a real pain in the ass,” Tanaka-san said, wrinkling his nose. “Well, you don't really need to worry about me and my friends wrecking the flat. The team comes over after we've won a match sometimes, but I'll give you plenty of warning beforehand. They can be a little rowdy, but Daichi-san and Asahi-san have everyone under control.”

“Daichi-san?” Chikara asked. He'd heard about Asahi-san because he was Nishinoya's boyfriend, but Chikara was otherwise unfamiliar with the people on their university's volleyball team.

“He'll probably become our team captain next year,” Nishinoya explained. “You'll meet him soon enough if you move in here. I'm sure you'll fit right in with the team!”

Chikara doubted that. He'd loved playing volleyball, but there'd always been a sort of disconnect with his teammates. They'd been better than him, more talented and enthusiastic about the sport. At one point he'd even quit the club for a while. If it hadn't been for Nishinoya getting on his nerves about returning, he would've never set foot in the gym again. He, Kinoshita and Narita had always been the ones warming the bench and as happy as he was when their team won, he never felt like he'd contributed anything.

To get rid of the bitter taste in his mouth, Chikara took another sip of tea. “We'll see. Anything else I should know?”

“Well, I'm not much of a morning person, but otherwise I can't think of anything,” Tanaka-san said. “How about you? Any quirks?”

“Uh... I don't like people touching my film equipment. And I'm taking my studies pretty seriously, so I can go a little crazy when I'm disturbed while doing homework.”

“Okay. No touching the cameras and no distraction from studying. I think I can do that.”

 

They kept talking about nothing in particular for a while. The conversation flowed easily and Tanaka-san seemed to regain his confidence with every minute that passed. As far as first impressions go, Chikara had to admit that Tanaka-san was easy to get along with. He had a good sense of humour, an expressive face and a slight competitive streak. And yet Chikara was wary. He'd liked Yamada well enough before moving in with him. There was no guarantee that Tanaka-san wouldn't turn out to be an arse in the future. He needed to sleep on it before making a decision.

It was almost midnight when Chikara said goodbye to Nishinoya and Tanaka-san. He promised to contact them tomorrow.

 

~~~

 

“Noya-saaaan,” Ryū whined, rubbing at his face, “why didn't you tell me that Ennoshita-san is _hot_?”

Noya-san answered with an evil cackle. “I knew he'd be your type!”

Ryū flopped down on the couch with a groan. “How am I supposed to deal with this?”

He'd always had a thing for quiet, dark-haired beauties, but Ennoshita Chikara was probably the first guy he immediately wanted to kiss within ten seconds of meeting him. With women that happened a lot more frequently. His track record of successful attempts at flirting wasn't good to begin with, and flirting with guys was especially difficult for him. Every relationship he'd been in so far had been the result of the other person making the first move before he could make a fool of himself and all three of them had ended rather quickly.

And now this. Ryū was supposed to live with Ennoshita-san. In the same flat. With their beds on opposite sides of the same wall. It would be torture.

“Oh come on,” Noya-san said, leaning over the backrest of the couch and poking Ryū's side. “He's an awesome guy. And I can't remember him ever having had a girlfriend.”

“Doesn't mean that he's interested in guys, though,” Ryū complained. “On the one hand, I really want to get to know him. On the other, I know I'll be doomed if I do.”

Frowning, Noya-san looked down at him. “Is it really that bad?”

Ryū shrugged helplessly. “It's like that time I saw Kiyoko-san for the first time.”

Noya-san's eyebrows shot up in surprise. “Oh.”

“Yeah.” Ryū sighed. “But if it turns out that he wants to move in with me... I don't think I can tell him no.”

 

In the end, Ennoshita-san wanted to move in with him and, as predicted, Ryū didn't even attempt to object. It couldn't turn out to be that bad, right? Right. He was 19 and thus basically an adult. He could deal with this. Probably.

Saturday after practice, Ryū helped Noya-san move his stuff to Asahi-san's flat. Since nobody they knew actually owned a car, they had to take multiple trips on the train, lugging around heavy boxes, suitcases and plastic bags. Luckily Noya-san didn't have to move furniture. He'd left his closet, desk and bed frame for Ennoshita-san.

By the time Asahi-san heaved the last box into the flat, Ryū was absolutely beat. Groaning, he sank down on a chair in the kitchen and rested his head on the table.

“And tomorrow I'll have to help Ennoshita-san,” he complained. “This is the least relaxing weekend ever.”

“He doesn't have a car either, does he?” Asahi-san asked.

“Not that I know of,” Noya-san replied, pulling out his phone. “I'm gonna order pizza if that's fine with everyone.”

“Yes! Glorious pizza!” Ryū exclaimed happily.

 

~~~

 

Chikara woke up on his friends' couch on Sunday morning and realised that tonight he'd sleep in a proper bed again. It was a nice thought, something to look forward to in light of what he would have to do beforehand. He'd texted Yamada yesterday to tell him that he'd pick up his things around noon. The messenger app told Chikara that his former flatmate had seen his text, but he never replied. Hopefully, that meant that he wouldn't run into him today and could just take his things and leave the keys in the mailbox after locking up.

Well, at least he wouldn't be alone should he run into Yamada. Narita, Kinoshita and Tanaka-san would be with him. They had agreed to meet up at the station nearest to Yamada's flat and Tanaka-san was already waiting for them when Chikara and his best friends arrived.

After a short round of introductions (Kinoshita and Narita would have plenty of time to properly get to know Tanaka-san later) they made their way towards their destination.

Chikara wouldn't miss this neighbourhood. It was loud, busy and mostly filled with unpleasant memories of having to pick up Yamada at bars because he was too drunk to get home on his own. The first time he'd done that he'd learnt that on such occasions one should not wear a t-shirt that one was attached to because it'd surely be puked on sooner rather than later.

When they finally arrived at the flat, everyone looked at Chikara.

“Should we ring the bell?” Narita asked, sounding unsure.

“Well, I did tell him that I'd be coming,” Chikara replied and got out his keys. It'd be Yamada's own fault if he wasn't prepared for visitors.

Once again Chikara was greeted by a mess. This time around it was clear that it hadn't been caused by a bunch of people. The living room had the feeling of a place that was inhabited by someone who did not have his life in order. But this wasn't Chikara's problem anymore, so he just went straight for his room. Everything was how he had left it.

They'd brought a bunch of cardboard boxes with them and started filling them with Chikara's belongings immediately. The room was filled with thudding and scraping sounds and the occasional question about whether to pack something or throw it on the pile of things Chikara wanted to get rid of. They were almost done when suddenly they were interrupted by Yamada.

He leaned against the door frame, watching them with a blank expression.

“Oh, the fags are here,” he said coldly. Kinoshita and Narita didn't even bother dignifying his insult with a reaction and kept fitting as many books in a single box as possible. Chikara clenched his hands into fists, trying to restrain himself.

“Shut your–” he started, but was interrupted by a furious snarl.

“What did you just say?” Tanaka-san asked, getting up from his kneeling position on the floor.

“You're new,” Yamada said, ignoring Tanaka-san's question.

“What the fuck did you just say?” Tanaka-san repeated and the temperature in the room seemed to drop a couple of degrees at once. The look on his face was that of barely restrained violence and Chikara could've sworn that there was a dark aura surrounding him as he towered over Yamada.

Yamada's mouth stood open in surprise as Tanaka stepped even closer, staring him down until Yamada had to avert his gaze.

“You are going to apologise to my friends,” Tanaka-san commanded, despite the fact that he'd only met Kinoshita and Narita two hours ago.

“Why should I?” Yamada asked defiantly. “It's true anyway, isn't it? They're faggo–” Tanaka didn't let him finish that sentence, forcefully grabbing him by the collar of his shirt.

 _Holy shit, he's gonna hit him_ , Chikara thought, suddenly shaking off his initial petrification and forcing himself between Yamada and Tanaka-san. He had to stop this before it escalated. “Yamada's not worth it,” he muttered, pushing Tanaka-san further into the room, before turning around to face his former flatmate. “I paid my share of this months rent and I'll leave the keys on the kitchen table before I go. So just... leave us alone, won't you.”

Yamada's gaze flickered between Tanaka and Chikara for a second, then he huffed and left without saying another word. Chikara felt utterly drained. This was exactly why he hadn't wanted to run into Yamada today, though he would've never suspected to see Tanaka-san snap like that.

 

~~~

 

Ryū was still shaking with anger half an hour later.

“Fuck that guy,” he muttered under his breath as he wrestled a trash bag into the overflowing skip behind the building.

“Yeah, there's a reason why Ennoshita's moving out,” Narita-san said, banging the lid of the container shut. “Honestly, I don't know how he managed to endure this long.”

“I'll make sure to be the best goddamn flatmate he's ever had!” Ryū exclaimed as they made their way back upstairs to check whether Ennoshita-san and Kinoshita-san were done with packing.

“That's not much of a challenge,” Narita-san said, smirking. Ryū rolled his eyes at him.

“You know what I mean!”

“Yeah, yeah. You already scored points in the 'not being a homophobic asshole' department, so I wouldn't worry too much.”

“Of course I'm not a homophobe,” Ryū muttered, “my best friend is bi, hell, I'm bisexual myself! I don't have a lot of self-hatred going on...”

Narita-san looked at him with raised eyebrows before patting him on the shoulder. “Good to know. Keep your hands off Hisashi, okay? He's mine.”

“Don't worry. He's not my type anyway,” Ryū replied. _Ennoshita though..._ He didn't dare finish that thought. Ennoshita-san was going to be his flatmate. Having a crush on him was not conducive to comfortable living arrangements.

 

~~~

 

Chikara sat on his still unmade new bed and had a look at his new room. The boxes and bags were all stacked up neatly in a corner, the walls were still bare and he'd definitely need to buy a couple of shelves for his books and his DVD collection. It would take a while to get used to this place, but he was already a lot more comfortable than he'd ever been living with Yamada.

“Ennoshita-san!” Tanaka-san called. “Dinner is ready!”

He'd insisted on preparing it himself, telling Chikara to settle into his new room first. Chikara really hoped that Tanaka-san could actually cook because he was starving. Sighing, he got up from the bed and walked out into the kitchen/living room. The table was set for two with a huge pot of curry in the middle.

“I hope you like curry,” Tanaka-san said, filling two bowls with rice. “I didn't have the ingredients for anything else.”

“It smells good,” Chikara said truthfully, sitting down at the table.

“What do you want to drink? We've got barley tea, orange juice, water...”

“I'm fine with water, thanks.”

Nodding, Tanaka-san took two clean glasses off the drying rack and filled them with water from the fridge before joining Chikara at the table.

“Well then,” he said, holding up his glass of water. “Welcome in your new home. Here's to us getting along!”

Chikara smiled, lifting his glass as well and clinking it against Tanaka-san's. For the first time since he'd moved to Tokyo, he actually felt like he was at home.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the kudos and comments!


	4. Alles neu

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter basically wrote itself, so here it is! The title is from [this song by Peter Fox](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qdtLCfEcPL4) and translates to "Everything is new". Hope you enjoy it!

Ryū dragged himself out of bed, half expecting Noya-san to greet him with coffee and chatter about their upcoming practice. But there was only silence and a rather disgruntled looking hot guy sitting at Ryū's kitchen table.

 _Oh, right._ How could he forget that Ennoshita-san was his new flatmate? Yesterday evening, after their first dinner together they'd just sat and talked for hours. He should've been permanently burnt into his memories.

“Morning,” Ryū said once he'd gotten over his initial surprise, suppressing a yawn.

“Good morning, Tanaka-san. Nishinoya wasn't joking about you running around the flat half-naked, huh,” Ennoshita-san remarked matter-of-factly.

Ryū was the last person to ever feel self-conscious about nudity, but his face still grew hot as he looked down at himself and realised that he was parading around in nothing but boxer shorts. It was probably the utterly unimpressed look on Ennoshita-san's face. With anyone else Ryū probably wouldn't have been bothered, but Ennoshita-san...

“Uh, I should get ready for practice,” Ryū mumbled almost incomprehensibly and fled into the bathroom. He splashed his face with cold water, trying to regain his bearings. He needed to get used to this fast because he wouldn't be able to handle this over an extended period of time.

Groaning, he looked at himself in the mirror over the sink. His hair was getting long. It would make for a good excuse to see Saeko-nee. Maybe she could give him some tips on how to deal with this situation like an adult while giving him a haircut. Yeah, that was probably gonna be super embarrassing, but whatever. Saeko-nee might be a demon, but Ryū trusted his sister. Her advice had never disappointed him so far.

Having resolved to call her up this afternoon, Ryū finally started getting ready for the day. When he stepped out of the bathroom the smell of freshly brewed coffee permeated the air.

Ennoshita-san was leaning against the kitchen counter now, sipping on a steaming mug.

“It came out a little watery,” he said pointing at another mug that was standing on the counter next to him. “I still need to figure out your coffee maker.”

“I'll show you next time,” Ryū promised, gratefully picking up his mug. It was indeed a little watery, but he didn't really care. Coffee was coffee. “Why are you up so early anyway?” he asked, sitting down at the kitchen table.

“I'm working on this semester's project and we need some early morning shots in Shinjuku,” Ennoshita-san explained.

 _Right, he's a film student_ , Ryū remembered. “What's the film about?”

“It's a short film about two young women falling in love at first sight.”

Ryū almost choked on his coffee. “And your professors are fine with that?”

Ennoshita-san shrugged. “He approved the script.” He drained his mug and turned to the sink to clean it. “The most they'll end up doing in the film is hold hands and it's supposed to be a silent film, kind of. No audible dialogue at least. It's not meant to be interpreted as a platonic relationship, but people with sticks up their asses could probably interpret it that way if they really wanted to.”

“Ah.” Ryū didn't know what to say. He wasn't used to people being so open about homosexuality in the context of university. Maybe it was different in the art department, but amongst the students in the volleyball club and education department, the word “gay” was still being used as an insult.

“Well, Narita and I aren't going to make a lot of friends with this film, but that's not the point,” Ennoshita-san went on, setting down the mug on the drying rack. “But I need to get going or I'll be late.”

Ryū took a quick look at the clock hanging over the TV – 6:45.

“Holy shit!” he cursed, jumped up from the chair, swallowed down the last bit of his coffee and rushed into his room to get dressed and grab his duffle bag. Ukai-san would kill him if he was late again!

 

~~~

 

“I r-really c-can't do this, E-ennoshita-senpai!” Yachi-san stammered, nervously glancing at Kiyoko-san who was checking her makeup in a small mirror.

“I'm sure you can,” Chikara said calmly. He should've known better than to ask a random girl on campus whether she wanted to be in his short film. Yachi-san might've fit his vision perfectly, but ever since she'd found out that her co-actress would be Kiyoko-san she'd been trying to run away from set.

“But she's so pretty!” Yachi-san said, every syllable laced with desperation. “I... I...”

“Yachi-san, calm down. Please.” Chikara tried to put on his most soothing smile. “You look very pretty, too. That green bow really suits you.”

“But what if I mess up?” The fear in her eyes was pulling on Chikara's heart strings. “What if I stumble and accidentally pull her with me? What if–”

“That won't happen,” Chikara interrupted her before she could talk herself into having a full-blown panic attack. “You read the script, right? All you have to do is cross the street and go to stand in front of that bus stop. Then Kiyoko-san will bump into you and all you have to do is stare at her. That's all we're gonna film today.”

Yachi-san looked like she wanted to say something in response, but she was interrupted by Narita.

“Ennoshita! We're done with setting up the cameras,” he yelled.

“Great! We'll start in five minutes!” Chikara replied and turned back to his scared actress. “Don't worry, you'll do fine. Just relax. It's not like you could forget your lines, right?”

She nodded but didn't seem convinced.

“Let's get you into position,” Chikara sighed.

 

Although the first scene of their film would probably only take up two minutes of screen time it took two hours until Narita and Chikara were satisfied with the shots they had. Acting seemed to come natural to Kiyoko-san, but Yachi-san was stiff as a board in the beginning. Chikara couldn't really blame her because he wasn't any better in front of the camera either. There was a reason he was aiming to become a director and not an actor. But after Kiyoko-san talked to Yachi-san during a break the younger girl seemed to have gained just enough confidence to pull off the scene. Chikara was particularly satisfied with the close-up shot of her awestruck face as she watched Kiyoko-san walk away. There was chemistry between these two and not just in front of the camera.

Chikara spent the rest of the day at university, attending lectures, eating lunch with Narita in the cafeteria and doing his homework in the library until closing time. When he wanted to head back home he almost got on the wrong train, having forgotten that he'd just moved yesterday. He couldn't help the smile that appeared on his face at the thought of going _home_. The atmosphere surrounding Tanaka-san and his flat was so different from what he'd had in the student dorms or at Yamada's flat. Chikara couldn't quite put his finger on what made the difference, but it felt right, so he wasn't going to question it.

Unlocking the front door, he could hear the sounds of the shower running.

 _So he's already back from evening practice,_ Chikara thought and took off his shoes. Tanaka-san's bag was lying on the floor on the way to his room. Chikara pushed it towards the wall so nobody would stumble over it on accident before dropping off his own stuff in his room. He still had a lot of unpacking to do, but he'd worry about that after dinner.

As Chikara had a look at the contents of their fridge, Tanaka-san stepped out of the bathroom, wearing nothing but a towel wrapped around his hips.

“Hey.”

“Oh, you're back,” Tanaka-san said, a blush rising on his cheeks and quickly making his way towards his room.

 _Nishinoya really wasn't joking_ , Chikara realised to his amusement.

“Should I warm up yesterday's leftovers?” he asked loudly.

“That'd be nice!” Tanaka-san yelled back and soon emerged from his room fully dressed in a ratty old t-shirt and sweat pants.

“How was practice?” Chikara asked to fill the awkward silence as they reheated their food in the microwave.

“Eh. Could've been better. I don't think I'll make the starting line-up for the practice match this Sunday,” Tanaka-san said, shrugging. “But I'm definitely on the bench, so there's a chance that I'll be subbed in halfway through.”

Chikara knew the feeling of being benched all too well. “You don't mind?”

“Not too much. Coach Ukai knows what he's doing. And it's not like he never lets me play at all.”

The microwave dinged loudly, alerting them to the fact that their food was ready to eat. They sat down at the kitchen table and continued their conversation while eating.

“And how was your day?” Tanaka-san asked. “Did the filming go well?”

“One of our actresses was super nervous at the beginning,” Chikara sighed. “But after Kiyoko-san talked to her–” Tanaka-san's sudden coughing fit made Chikara stop, worried that his flatmate was about to choke to death. “Are you alright?”

“I– I'm fine,” Tanaka-san wheezed out, eyes watering. He gulped down some water and shook his head as if to dislodge whatever had been stuck in his throat. “You're working with Kiyoko-san?”

“Oh, you know her?” Chikara was surprised. He hadn't been aware that people from the education department had lots of contact with people from the economics department.

“Erm...” Tanaka-san's face was already red from his coughing fit, but the colour deepened further. “Noya-san and I used to go to that café she works at quite often in our first year.”

“Ah.” That made sense. Chikara had met Noya-san at the café when he'd had to confirm the schedule with Kiyoko-san. “Well, Kinoshita used to work there as well, so Narita and I asked him to ask her whether she wanted to act in our film and she agreed.”

“So she's one of the girls in your story?” Tanaka-san asked. There was a weird look on his face that Chikara couldn't quite place. Could it be that Tanaka-san had a thing for Kiyoko-san?

“Yeah, she bumps into Yachi-san at a bus stop in Shinjuku in the morning and then they meet again at that bus stop in the evening and start talking,” Chikara explained, carefully examining Tanaka-san's expression.

“Well, she's quite the beauty, isn't she?” Tanaka-san asked, turning his face towards his food.

“Do you like her?”

The silence that followed was deafening. Chikara was bothered by this and he had no idea why. _Why do I care whether he's into her or not?_

“Well, it's more like an unattainable fantasy, you know?” Tanaka-san mumbled, sheepishly scratching the back of his head. “She's incredibly pretty, but I'd never dare ask her out. I don't think she'd be interested.”

Chikara instantly tried to squash the weird feeling of relief that flooded through him. Why would he be relieved? This didn't make sense. “Well, I'm pretty sure that she's a lesbian. That's what I gathered from Kinoshita talking about her at least.”

“Like I said, she wouldn't be interested,” Tanaka-san repeated. “So about that other actress: why was she so nervous?”

 

~~~

 

The first thing Ryū did after lying down on his bed, was grabbing his phone and opening his conversation with Noya-san.

 

To: Noya

> ennoshita is making a film about lesbians and kiyoko-san is one of his lead actresses

 

He didn't have to wait long for a reply.

 

From: Noya

> rly? damn that's something

 

To: Noya

> i know, right? and i made a total fool out of myself and now ennoshita probably thinks that im only after women ;_;

 

From: Noya

> next time I talk to him I could drop a couple hints for you?

 

To: Noya

> tempting, but pls dont

> i shouldnt even be thinking about him

 

From: Noya

> dude you're so doomed

> just accept your fate

 

To: Noya

> imma talk to nee-san tomorrow, maybe she knows what to do

 

From: Noya

> you're still doomed. tell her I said hi tho

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Btw, Tanaka is in the education department at uni cause he wants to be a PE teacher, just to clear it up, because I don't know when it'll come up in the fic itself^^


	5. Trouble is a friend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title comes from Lenka's [song of the same name](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QHpvlr_kG6U). Be prepared for a bunch of dialogue and a small flashback into Ennoshita's past :3

Ryū was sitting in his older sister's kitchen, with freshly washed hair and an old sheet wrapped around him so that the falling hair wouldn't stick to his clothes.

“You wanna try something new?” Saeko-nee asked, standing behind Ryū with one hand on his shoulder and the other one messing with the longer parts of his hair. “Or should I just touch up the undercut?”

“I'm kinda fond of the undercut,” he replied. “But do whatever you want.” His sister had never disappointed him when it came to haircuts or advice. All he had to do in return was let her embarrass him whenever she wanted to. At least that was how it felt like to Ryū.

“All the guys and ladies will swoon at the mere sight of you once I'm done,” Saeko-nee promised, cackling delightedly as she grabbed the scissors. She'd become a lot better at this since he'd first let her touch his hair on the day before he started high school. He'd wanted to look tough so he'd asked her to give him a buzz cut. He'd trusted her with his looks ever since.

She'd also been the first person he ever came out to and she'd reacted with so much kindness that thinking about it still made him feel all sappy. She'd hugged him and promised that she'd always be there for him no matter what.

“Nee-san,” he said, blinking away the unnecessary tears that sprung to his eyes. Good thing that she was standing behind him and couldn't see his ridiculous outburst. “Can I ask you for advice?”

“Go ahead.”

“You know how I told you about my new flatmate recently?” he began carefully.

“What was his name again? Ennoshita?”

“Yeah.”

“What about him? You already dislike living with him or something?”

Ryū was about to shake his head before he remembered that Saeko was currently cutting his hair.

“Not at all. I think I have a crush on him,” he said, immediately thought better of it and corrected himself, “scratch that – I _know_ I have a crush on him.”

Her movements paused for a moment. Ryū wished he could see her face right now.

“What do you plan to do about it?” she finally asked and resumed snipping away at her brother's hair.

“I don't know. That's what I wanted to talk to you about,” he admitted with a sigh. “He's super gorgeous and nice and creative. Noya-san told me how he used to tutor him when they were in their third year of high school, although Ennoshita-san had already quit the volleyball club to focus on his own studies. He's just so...”

“I get the picture,” Saeko-nee cut his ramblings short. “Why don't you just work your Tanaka-charm on him?”

“You know I suck at flirting!” Ryū groaned. “The last time I tried to pick up a guy, he poured the rest of his drink out over my head.” He had thought that that shit only happened in films, but it turned out that there really were people who did that.

“Well, then don't flirt.” Saeko-nee put away the scissors, picked up the clippers and forced Ryū's head into place, so she could start trimming the shaved parts of his hair. “You're going to live with him for a while, so you might as well start out with being his friend. It's a good idea to be friends with your flatmate anyway. Charm him by being yourself around him.”

Saeko-nee made it sound so easy, but Ryū had experienced enough unrequited love to know that it would be torture.

“I know what you're thinking,” Saeko-nee said before he could even open his mouth. “Yes, it's gonna take a while, but what's the worst that could happen? Best case scenario: he falls for you. Worst case scenario: he doesn't, but you'll end up making a great friend. 'Cause if you actually love him, you won't care that he's not into you as long as he's happy.”

“I think it's a little early to talk about love,” Ryū mumbled, barely audible over the noise of the hair clippers. Saeko-nee understood him perfectly, though.

“Your ears turned red as soon as I mentioned his name,” she retorted, pulling at one of his earlobes. “You're head over heels already.”

Rubbing at his ear, Ryū sighed. Why did she have to know him so well?

“So I should just start out with being his friend?” he asked after a long moment of contemplating her advice.

“Yeah. Worked out great for me. I befriended Akiteru before I jumped him, you know?”

“Where is he anyway?” Ryū asked, his eyes surveying the kitchen like his sister's boyfriend was about to jump out of a cabinet any moment. “I thought Tuesdays were his day off?”

“He had to cover for a sick co-worker,” Saeko-nee replied, turning off the hair clippers and circling around Ryū to admire her handiwork. She ruffled his hair and stepped back with a satisfied smirk on her face. “I think we're done here.”

She dragged him into the bathroom, so he could have a look at himself in the mirror. It wasn't much different from his last haircut, though she'd left the hair in the front to be a little longer than in the back. Ryū liked it.

“Thanks, nee-san.”

“You're welcome, Ryū-chan,” she said, putting her hands on his shoulders. “Now go conquer your prince's heart with siege tactics.”

Ryū laughed. “You play way too much Total War.”

 

“New hair cut?” Ennoshita-san asked when Ryū came home that night.

“Yeah, my sister cut it for me.” Ryū dropped his stuff in his room before joining his flatmate on the couch. Ennoshita-san was watching My Neighbour Totoro. “Why are you watching a Ghibli film?”

Ennoshita-san paused the DVD and held up the notebook and pen he'd been holding on to. “I need to analyse it for a class.”

“Aah.”

It wasn't that Ryū didn't take his studies seriously – he liked the thought of being a PE teacher one day – but he was not nearly as dedicated to his goal as Ennoshita-san was. As they watched the film about the two sisters and their spirit friends, Ennoshita-san kept pausing after certain scenes and scribbling things in his notebook. Ryū's eyes never stayed on the TV screen for long, instead, they kept fixing on the serious young man that made his heartbeat speed up with his mere presence.

“ _... Charm him by being yourself around him … if you actually love him, you won't care that he's not into you as long as he's happy.”_

Saeko-nee's advice echoed through his mind as he watched him. The eyes that usually looked so sleepy were intensely concentrated. Ryū was fascinated with the way they reflected the colourful light coming from the TV screen. And then a smile broke the concentrated look, making Ennoshita-san's eyes sparkle.

“This is my favourite scene,” he said, happily watching the kids and spirits dance around the seeds they'd planted.

“ _...as long as he's happy.”_

Saeko-nee was right and Ryū really hoped that the best case scenario she'd proposed came true.

 

~~~

 

With every day Chikara felt more and more comfortable in his new room. Slowly, he unpacked his boxes, put up his film posters on the walls and placed his belonging on the shelves he and Tanaka-san assembled together.

As much as he enjoyed his cramped room, Chikara actually didn't spend that much time inside it. His mornings were filled with classes, in the afternoon he was occupied with his and Narita's film project and in the evenings he and Tanaka-san would sit in the living room and talk about everything and everyone – their past, their plans for the future, their friends and families. The more Chikara learnt about his new friend, the more he enjoyed his company. Tanaka-san could be loud and outgoing, but he knew when to be serious. He was a thunderstorm of emotions, but he was also incredibly kind. Chikara had forgotten how it felt to live with someone who actually cared about him and his dreams and Tanaka-san reminded him.

 

***

 

Even before he moved to Tokyo Chikara had already grown distant from his family. His parents pressured him about choosing a future of financial stability, a future with wife and children. Chikara didn't know what was worse, the thought of becoming an office drone like his father or the one of marrying a woman he didn't love to father children he didn't want.

In his last year of high school, he and his parents fought a lot. It eventually got so bad that Chikara could barely stand being in the same room as them because they were either screaming at each other or sitting in icy silence. Narita and Kinoshita were there for him though, as was his grandma. She was the one who eventually convinced her son that Chikara should choose his own path in life. If it hadn't been for her, Chikara's father would've never agreed to pay for Chikara's living expenses and tuition while he was an undergrad at Tokyo University's film department.

Nowadays, being immersed in student life, Chikara barely ever thought about his parents anymore, but whenever he visited his home town his father made it clear that he was not happy with his son's aspirations. Thus their relationship remained tense.

 

***

 

Chikara and Tanaka-san had taken to work at their kitchen table, keeping each other company although neither knew anything about the other's subjects. Most of the time they actually made progress with their homework and assignments, but today was not one of those days.

“I really can't imagine you as a teacher,” Chikara said, frowning at Tanaka-san's chicken scratch handwriting.

“It's not like PE teachers have to write a lot.” Tanaka-san shrugged. “I like working with kids.”

Chikara shook his head, an amused smile playing around his lips. “You certainly act like one sometimes.”

“You are the one who's stupidly in love with Ghibli,” Tanaka-san said, sticking his tongue out like a five-year-old. Chikara laughed.

“You are not proving your point,” he pressed out between fits of giggles.

“Well, the students will love me,” Tanaka-san claimed huffily.

 _Indeed they will_ , Chikara thought, trying to ignore the bubbly warmth that spread through him as he looked at his flatmate. _Don't even think about it. It'll only bring you trouble_ , he told himself and returned his focus to the report he had to hand in by tomorrow.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pst, Tanaka: Your sister's advice is working ;)
> 
> Also thanks for all the lovely comments and messages, guys! <3


	6. Mein Leben

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait, but uni is kicking my butt right now. Title from [this song by Kraftklub](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_AAIELgsiPA) (I could only find a live version of this on YouTube...). Here's a translation of the chorus:  
>  _My life isn't cool, my life is an asshole_  
>  _Your life is going great, my life is running amok_  
>  _And no matter what I do, my life remains an asshole_  
>  _Your life is going great, my life is running amok_
> 
> Hope you enjoy this chapter :)

A month after Ennoshita first moved in, Ryū realised that they had dropped the polite speech and honorifics. Ryū didn't know when exactly, how or why it happened, but he was pleased with the development. He was nowhere near being desensitised to Ennoshita's presence, but he'd learnt to cope and to fight the butterflies in his stomach by directing his thoughts to other things. Only when he was with Noya-san and Asahi-san did he allow himself to sigh and pine for the man that held his heart hostage. Soon, however, Ryū was alerted to the fact that he and his two favourite teammates had a much bigger problem than him being a hopeless romantic.

They were in the locker room, getting changed after morning practice when Suga-san walked up to them.

“It's been a while since our last get-together with the team,” he said, smiling sweetly, obviously trying to butter Noya-san and Ryū up. “Would you mind if we meet up at your place again?”

Ryū froze in his movement, leaving his trousers to dangle somewhere around his knees. Noya-san's panicked eyes met his and he realised that neither of them had an explanation for why Noya-san had moved in with Asahi-san that did not involve outing them to the entire team. And that was clearly not an option. Not while certain fourth-year students were still around.

Ryū looked over at his senpais. If they knew... He didn't even want to think about the bullying they'd have to endure. Asahi-san would surely quit the club.

“Guys? Are you alright?” Suga-san asked, a concerned frown lining his pretty face.

“Ahaha,” Ryū quickly pulled up his trousers, hoping that laughter would defuse the tension, “I have, like, five or six lesson plans I need to write up for that didactics seminar, so I don't really have the time...”

Suga-san didn't buy it. It was apparent in the curious gleam in his eyes.

“Is that so?” He raised an eyebrow. “Well, then...” He smiled and Ryū wondered, not for the first time if his senpai could use telepathy because he knew exactly what Suga-san was thinking in that moment: _We are not done talking yet_. On his way back to his locker, Suga-san walked past Asahi-san, punching him in the arm and saying, “What are _you_ freaking out about?”

“N-nothing.”

Ryū took a step closer to Noya-san and lowered his voice. “You should calm Asahi-san down. I'll handle Suga-san.”

Noya-san nodded sternly. “Okay. Just tell him I moved in with my boyfriend. Don't tell him who it is, though.”

Ryū was glad for the permission since he doubted that he could get away with a lie. This was Sugawara Kōshi they were talking about. Nothing got past him.

 

As expected Suga-san was leaning against the wall next to the exit of the gym, ready to ambush Ryū as soon as he left.

“What are you and Nishinoya hiding from me?” he asked, affecting a hurt tone that didn't actually mask the fact that he was just being a nosy little shit.

“Uh... Could we talk somewhere more private?” Ryū muttered, shoving his hands deep into his pockets. Damn it, he did not like this one bit. He was about to out his best friend and although he had Noya-san's permission it still felt weird.

“Is it that serious?” Suga-san seemed surprised like he hadn't expected his teammates to have actual worries beyond the fact that Kiyoko-san was out of their league and also very much a lesbian if Ennoshita was to be trusted.

“We really don't want the fourth years to know,” Ryū whispered, looking over his shoulders to make sure that none of them had appeared behind him.

“Alright then. Let's find us an empty room,” Suga-san suggested and grabbed Ryū by the arm, pulling him towards one of the university buildings. Ryū let him and used the extra time to think of a way to phrase this entire thing that didn't sound stupid.

They eventually ended up sitting down in a deserted lecture hall.

“So what is this about?” Suga-san asked, curiously leaning toward Ryū.

“Well... Noya-san moved out.”

“What?! Did you have a fight or something?” But before Ryū could answer him, Suga-san had already thought better of his initial assumption. “No. I would've noticed if you two had had a fight.”

“We didn't fight,” Ryū clarified. “He just wanted to move in with his... uh... boyfriend...” Ryū's voice was getting quieter and quieter with every word, but Suga-san understood perfectly well.

And surprisingly, he wasn't fazed by this revelation at all.

“Oh. So Asahi actually had the balls to ask him out? Or maybe it was the other way around. Yeah, definitely the other way around. But still. I'm impressed.”

Oh no. This was _bad_. “Who said anything about Asahi-san,” Ryū said in a futile attempt to save the situation. Suga-san just rolled his eyes.

“It's kinda obvious that Nishinoya has a thing for him. Why else would he get so mad every time Asahi underestimates himself? And Asahi is just as bad. Just the way he _looks_ at Nishinoya, all lovesick and shit...”

 _This is not getting any better_ , Ryū thought, nervously gnawing on his lower lip. “Do you think anyone else would notice?”

“As long as they don't invite anyone to their flat, probably not.” Suga-san sighed. “But now I get why you don't want the others to know. You should probably just tell them that Nishinoya is tight on money and couldn't afford the rent anymore or something and had to look for another place to stay. It's a bit of a flimsy excuse, but I'll back you guys up.”

A wave of relief washed through Ryū. “Thanks, Suga-senpai. We owe you one.”

Suga-san responded with an affectionate punch to Ryū's shoulder.

 

~~~

 

One of the most important lessons Chikara had learnt during his time at uni so far was that it was never a good sign when the professor asked him to stay after class because there was something that needed to be talked about.

And that was exactly what happened to Chikara and Narita at the end of Takeda-sensei's screenwriting class.

“This can't be good,” Narita muttered as they waited for the other students to leave the lecture hall. Chikara groaned in response. There was only one thing he could think of that Takeda-sensei would want to talk about and that was their short film project.

“Well,” Takeda-sensei started, putting on a smile that was way too apologetic for Chikara's liking, “I handed in the script of your project to the administration and erm... they are not happy with it.” Chikara squeezed his eyes shut. He did not like where this was going. “They said that it's too risky to show it with the other projects at the end of the semester, because – and I am quoting them – 'it might reflect badly on the university because the topic is too controversial'.”

Narita was frowning, but Chikara already felt dead inside. They'd just finished filming the last scenes a couple of days ago and now this. He'd barely started editing.

“Obviously I'm not happy with their decision either,” Takeda-sensei went on when neither of his students said anything because they were too busy reigning in their outrage (in Narita's case) and apathy (in Chikara's case). “You've already put so much work into this film, it would be a shame to scrap it, so please keep working on it.”

“Can't we do anything about this? I could try to edit it in a way that makes it even more ambiguous than it already is,” Chikara said through clenched teeth.

“I'll make sure that the sound design is as unromantic as possible,” Narita added.

Takeda-sensei sighed, his usual smile vanishing from his face. “Is that really the film you want to make?”

Narita and Chikara looked at each other. Chikara could see in his friend's eyes that he hated the idea of straying from their initial vision and the more Chikara thought about it the more it bothered him, too.

“Not really,” Chikara finally admitted.

“But making a film without having an audience is kinda pointless,” Narita grumbled.

“I understand. But I love your script and the idea behind it and I want you to stay true to yourselves,” Takeda-sensei said. “I'll talk to the administration again. They are stubborn, but so am I. I just wanted you to know about this in case I can't convince them.”

“Thank you, Sensei,” Chikara sighed.

After leaving the lecture hall, Narita and Chikara groaned in unison.

“Honestly, this sucks,” Chikara complained. “We should've known that they wouldn't fall for it.”

Tiredly, Narita rubbed his eyes. “I thought if we could get this past Takeda-sensei, we'd be fine.”

“Apparently not.”

“He's always the odd one out, isn't he?”

 

Chikara had never been the type to leave a film project unfinished, he didn't need his professor telling him to continue it. Who cared about that stupid screening anyway? Of course, it was the easiest way to gain an audience but they'd figure something out, Chikara was sure of that. As a last resort, there would always be YouTube, even if that wouldn't be nearly as satisfying as showing off their work to the entire film department.

Back home, he sat down with a cup of coffee and his laptop and resumed editing.

Chikara and Narita always divided up the tasks amongst themselves in a way that played to their strengths. Narita was great at tech, figuring out lighting, framing of shots and sound design. Chikara was better at writing, making sure that all the actors were comfortable, and editing. Obviously, they'd help out with the other one's tasks if needed, but this set-up seemed to work for them quite well.

Looking at the footage they'd captured over the last couple of weeks, Chikara was glad that they'd decided to shoot the scenes in order. With every day of filming, Yachi-san and Kiyoko-san had become more and more comfortable with each other and it showed on camera. That gradual transition from tension to relaxation helped Chikara enormously while editing since it fit in so well with the story he was trying to tell.

Eventually, Chikara's coffee turned cold without him even noticing. He was so engrossed in his work that he didn't realise how time flew by. The thing that finally broke his concentration was the sound of the front door opening.

Tanaka was back from his afternoon practice. Chikara took a look at the clock in the corner of his screen – 18:23. He'd been working for three hours straight. He looked at his miserable cup of coffee and decided that it would probably be best to finish up this scene and figure out dinner. It was his turn to cook today after all. Turning back to his work, he clicked the play button to have a look at the transition he'd been working on for the past couple minutes...

Nothing happened. He clicked again. Nothing. A third click and he knew he was fucked.

“No,” he breathed out, desperately waiting for the program to react, but instead the window turned completely white. “Oh fuck no.”

_When was the last time I saved?_

He waited another two minutes, but the program was frozen. All he could do was open the task manager, deliver the death blow and restart the program. He dreaded seeing how much work he'd lost, but he'd rather find out sooner than later.

Chikara was biting his lip as he opened the file...

“This is bullshit!”

The last five minutes were gone. One and a half hours of work destroyed because he didn't save often enough. Wailing frustratedly, he closed his laptop and left the room.

Chikara walked right past Tanaka, who stared at him with wide eyes. He'd probably heard that last little outbreak.

“Uh... Hi? Did something happen just now?” he asked carefully, while Chikara rummaged through their stash of snacks until he found his chocolate. He broke off a piece, popped it in his mouth, closed his eyes and tried to concentrate on the sweet taste. Instead, he noticed how his own hands were shaking and how tears were welling up in his eyes.

 _Keep it together, Chikara_.

“Everything alright?” The concern in Tanaka's voice sounded so genuine, Chikara could barely handle it. He swallowed hard and took a deep breath.

“My entire day has been one big failure.” Chikara didn't like how his voice was shaking. He also didn't like the thought of Tanaka seeing him vulnerable like this and yet he couldn't stop himself from word-vomiting out all the shit that had happened to him. “Takeda-sensei said that our film might not be screened with the other projects, because the uni administration thinks it's 'too controversial', but he said we should keep working on it anyway and so I did and now my program crashed and I lost one and a half hours of work and everything sucks and I just, I just...”

He leaned against the kitchen counter and pressed his fingers against his temples. He hated everything about this moment, about this day in general.

“Come here.” Chikara looked up to see his friend standing in front of him with his arms outstretched. “You need a hug.”

 _Huh?_ For a moment blinking was all that Chikara was capable of.

“Come one, Ennoshita.” The look on Tanaka's face was entirely unfamiliar but somehow gentle, and the sound of his voice was irresistible.

Haltingly, Chikara pushed off the counter, taking that one step forward and then he was already enveloped in Tanaka's warm embrace.

Chikara had never been a very tactile person, but the scent of Tanaka's deodorant and shower gel that he'd become so accustomed to in the last weeks calmed him down. It filled his mind, shutting out all the shitty things he'd had to deal with, leaving him only with the feeling of strong arms wrapped around his body. Exhaling shakily, Chikara leaned his head on Tanaka's shoulder. Yeah, this was nice. He could probably get used to this.

“Today sucked,” he whispered into the crook of Tanaka's neck and closed his eyes.

“Sounds like it. But you know what? The day's not over yet. We're gonna order us some nice take-out and watch a good film and then everything will be better, alright?”

 

~~~

 

Ryū wasn't entirely sure how they'd ended up this way, but after they'd finished their pizza Ennoshita had curled up on the couch beside him, resting his head on Ryū's lap. He had absolutely no idea where to put his hands and opted for awkwardly leaning back, so he could rest one arm on the backrest of the couch.

Of course, they were watching Ghibli films. Not that Ryū really minded. Currently, he was willing to do everything as long as it would cheer up Ennoshita. Seeing him upset was uncomfortable and wrong. Ryū would even prefer it if he acted all stern and serious, like that one time when Ryū had procrastinated on his homework and accidentally told Ennoshita about it. For someone with a sleepy default expression, Ennoshita could be surprisingly fiery. No wonder he'd managed to successfully help Noya-san through his final high school exams. Maybe Ryū could get some pointers from Ennoshita that would help him with his future students.

Ryū looked down at the dark mop of hair on his lap, tempted to brush his fingers through it, but he restrained himself. He was lucky enough to be used as a pillow by his crush, he didn't want to mess that up.

“Tanaka?” Ennoshita mumbled as the action in _Howl's Moving Castle_ started picking up.

Ryū hummed to indicate that he'd heard him.

“Why are you so nice to me?”

 _What the fuck_.

“Uh? Why shouldn't I be nice?” Ryū asked incredulously.

Ennoshita shrugged. “Dunno. I just... really like living with you.”

Warmth exploded in Ryū's stomach, quickly spreading out and making his body tingle. _Holy shit, Ennoshita's gonna be the death of me._

“I'm glad you moved in.”

 

Ryū didn't notice how his hand was stroking through Ennoshita's soft hair until the credits started rolling.

 


	7. 21, 22, 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, I'm using my study breaks to write fanfiction, so this chapter is brought to you by the fact that biochem finals are coming up on Monday ;_; (I get to write for half an hour for every two hours of studying I do. It's the only way to stop myself from procrastinating)  
> Title of the chapter is from [a song by AnnenMayKantereit](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=35XR9H8bGqQ) about growing up, dreams and parties.

Breaking the news of Noya-san having moved in with Asahi-san to the rest of the team went smoothly, mostly due to the help of Suga-san, who had provided them with a solid cover story of how Noya-san's parents were having financial troubles and couldn't pay for his rent anymore.

“Well, that sucks. But it's good that Asahi could offer you a cheaper room,” Daichi-san said almost sympathetically, but Ryū knew better. He'd heard from Noya-san that Asahi-san had worked up the guts to tell Daichi-san and Suga-san about their relationship. Ryū was glad that the third years acted like all of this was not a big deal and helped them spin a web of white lies for the rest of the team.

“So there won't be any parties at Noya and Tanaka's anymore, huh,” Kuroo-san said, jutting out his lower lip in a disappointed pout.

“Well, as long as we behave ourselves, we can still use my flat,” Ryū offered immediately. “My new flatmate is pretty nice.” Conspiratorially, Noya-san wriggled his eyebrows at Ryū. Okay, so maybe “pretty nice” was an understatement, but Ryū wasn't going to correct himself on that one. “We'll just have to give him some warning beforehand.”

“I'm sure Ennoshita will fit right in with us,” Noya-san said, nodding vehemently to underline his point. “He used to play volleyball with me during high school.”

“Okay then,” Nakatomi-san, their captain and setter, clapped his hands, “let's meet up at Tanaka-kun's after our match against Sendai University.”

“I'll ask my flatmate if that's okay with him.”

 

~~~

 

If you asked Chikara if anything good had come out of that terrible day two weeks ago, he would've told you that at least the new version of those five minutes of film he'd lost flowed a lot more nicely. He'd already handed over the file to Narita so he could work on the music and ambient sounds. To Chikara's frustration, however, Takeda-sensei had yet to convince the administration to change their opinion. There wasn't much time left – two more weeks to be exact – until the projects had to be handed over to the students who organised the screening. It wasn't Takeda-san's fault, though, and Chikara was grateful that their professor tried so hard to convince his superiors.

He still started looking into other opportunities to show off his and Narita's work. This was Tokyo after all. There just had to be a small cinema or theatre that would be willing to show their short film. If all else failed they'd have to wait until Tokyo Pride and show it at one of the many parties that would be held in Ni-chōme around that time. He honestly had no idea whether that would work out either, but it was worth a shot.

 

“Hey, Ennoshita,” Tanaka called out as he entered the flat and kicked off his shoes in the entryway.

“Hi. How was practice?” Chikara asked, stirring the vegetables he was preparing for dinner.

“We held a match – first and seconds years against third and fourth years,” Tanaka replied, shuffling over to the kitchenette so he could have a look at what Chikara was frying. “We won two sets and lost three. We have this new setter and middle-blocker. They used to play on the same team in high school and holy shit, they are something else. I'm really glad that they were on my team, 'cause I don't think I would've been able to block their quick.”

Chikara smiled. He'd become kinda invested in the volleyball team ever since he'd moved in with Tanaka. It was the obvious enthusiasm and devotion Tanaka displayed every time he mentioned his team. He made it hard not to root for them. “Sounds promising.”

“Definitely. They might end up being the only first-years who get to play in the next practice match. Nakatomi-san isn't particularly happy about that, though. He doesn't want to be replaced by a first-year.”

“Nakatomi-san was the setter?”

“Yeah. He's also our captain.”

“Ah.” Chikara grabbed a piece of pepper from the pan and popped it in his mouth to check whether it had the right consistency. It could use a little more seasoning, but otherwise, it was fine, so he threw in a little more spice and turned off the stove. “Could you set the table while I finish this?”

“I'm on it.”

After a couple more minutes they were seated at their table, enjoying a dinner of fried vegetables, tofu and rice. Tanaka ate with a lot of gusto, obviously hungry after a hard day of attending classes and training. Chikara had barely ever eaten dinner with Yamada, back when he'd still lived with him, so it was nice to finally have someone to share a meal with.

“Oh, I just remembered,” Tanaka suddenly spoke up after a couple of minutes of hungry silence. “The team wanted to get together at our flat next week after the practice match. Do you mind? You could also invite some of your friends if you wanted.”

Chikara shifted in his seat. He still remembered how most of Yamada's parties had ended, and also athletes tended to be quite rowdy, or at least that was how it used to be in high school.

“Uh... Will there be alcohol?”

_Please say no._

“Nah,” Tanaka assured him. “Half the team is still underage and Daichi-san would blow a fuse if anyone corrupted our cute little kōhais. We'll just buy a ton of snacks, maybe play some karaoke and Mario Kart on the Wii and talk.”

Well, that didn't sound too bad.

“I'll ask Kinoshita and Narita if they want to come over then,” Chikara said, earning himself a bright smile from Tanaka.

“Great!”

 

It wasn't an official match, but there were still a bunch of people gathered to watch. Chikara, Narita and Kinoshita leaned against the railing, looking down at the court where the two teams were currently warming up. It wasn't the first match they'd watched since they moved to Tokyo, but for the first time, Chikara was acutely aware of every movement Tanaka made down there. It was obvious why he'd received that athletic scholarship.

 _Why did I never notice him in the previous matches?_ Chikara asked himself. Even now before the match had even started he had a presence that made him stick out. He was a storm ready to rage across the court.

Chikara was suddenly distracted from his observation when two people came to stand next to him.

“We're not late are we?” a blond woman asked, sounding slightly out of breath.

“The match hasn't started yet,” Chikara told her. There was something familiar about her, but he was sure that he'd never seen her before. The same went for her tall companion, who appeared to be her boyfriend, based on the fact that he casually put an arm around her waist without eliciting a complaint from her.

“Hah,” she breathed out, offering Chikara a brief smile that kinda reminded him of Tanaka for some reason, “I wouldn't want to miss my darling brother's match now, would I?” Then she turned to the court, waving and yelling, “Ryū-chan!”

Tanaka's head snapped up and a look that was somewhere between annoyance and embarrassment appeared on his face. “Stop embarrassing me, Nee-san!”

_Oh, that explains the resemblance._

“You're Tanaka's sister?” Narita asked curiously, taking the words out of Chikara's mouth.

“Oh, you're friends with Ryū-chan?” Tanaka's sister seemed surprised.

“Uh, I'm Ennoshita Chikara, his new flatmate,” Chikara explained. It might have been his imagination, but it seemed like her eyes lit up for a second at the mention of his name.

“Ooh! Nice to meet you! I'm Tanaka Saeko. And this is my lovely boyfriend Tsukishima Akiteru.” Tsukishima-san gave them a small smile. “And you guys are?”

“I'm Kinoshita Hisashi and this is my lovely boyfriend Narita Kazuhito,” Kinoshita said, copying Saeko-san.

Narita groaned, clearly mortified at being introduced so casually. “Why am I dating you again?”

“Because you love me,” Kinoshita replied, completely deadpan.

“Ha! I like you guys already,” Saeko-san laughed heartily.

“The teams are lining up to start the game,” Tsukishima-san pointed out, cutting the introductions short.

Chikara was taken aback by Saeko-san's reaction and Tsukishima-san's lack thereof.

_They really don't care that Kinoshita and Narita are gay._

It was a comforting thought. After all that trouble they were having with getting the permission to show their film alongside the other projects, Chikara was glad to be reminded that there were still people out there who weren't homophobic.

 

~~~

 

In the end, it was a hard earned victory. Ryū had been subbed in during the second set, and during the third, he'd been replaced again. It wasn't totally unusual for a practice match since Coach Ukai wanted to test out as many player combinations as possible, but Ryū would've loved to stay on the court until the end. Still, he ripped off his shirt in celebration when Asahi-san slammed down that last spike, securing them the 25th point of the fifth set.

Everyone ran towards their ace. Noya-san was the first to reach him, jumping onto his back and wrapping his arms around his neck, almost strangling him in the process. Suga-san, who'd replaced their captain as setter during the last set, was next, pulling Asahi-san – who was now carrying around Noya-san – into a hug. Ryū couldn't resist the urge to join in and leapt at them, almost making everyone fall over, but Asahi-san managed to regain his balance in time.

“Tanaka, put your shirt back on!”

Ryū's head snapped up at the sound of Ennoshita's voice. He was up on the stands, between Kinoshita-san and Saeko-nee, clapping and grinning down at Ryū with a teasing glint in his eyes.

But before Ryū could yell a retort, Ukai-san already called everyone to order, so they could shake hands with their opponents.

Ryū was happy. He'd been allowed to play, they'd won the match and Ennoshita had been there to witness it. He quickly pulled his shirt back on and lined up with his team members, basking in the glory of their victory against Sendai University.

 

“Don't you dare!” Kuroo-san yelled.

Yaku-san laughed maniacally, sending the blue shell he'd just picked up flying towards Kuroo-san.

“Fuck you!”

“Oh fuck, it hit me, too!” Noya-san complained as Hinata overtook both him and Kuroo-san.

“Thanks, Yaku-san!” There was a dangerous fire burning in Hinata's eyes that usually only appeared when he was competing with Kageyama.

“Don't think I did this for you,” Yaku-san told him, entirely focused on catching up to the others as quickly as possible.

Ryū was standing behind them, leaning on the backrest of his couch and watching them play. The flat was stuffed with people, the air humming with idle chatter and the occasional yell from the people who were playing Mario Kart. He'd missed evenings like this. His team was important to him and with a few exceptions (mostly the oldest members) he considered them to be his friends.

And just like Noya-san had predicted, Ennoshita fit right in with them. Almost immediately, he, Kinoshita-san and Narita-san had been caught up in an animated conversation with Suga-san and Daichi-san that went on for hours.

Ryū had no idea what they were talking about, he'd been too busy with making sure that everyone was entertained. Kageyama, for example, tended to be too awkward to start a conversation during team bonding if Hinata wasn't there to do it for him, so Ryū had helped him out by manoeuvring him towards some fellow first years.

But despite the number of people in the flat and all the running around Ryū had to do, he was acutely aware of Ennoshita's presence. Again and again, he'd catch himself staring at him or trying to make out his voice amongst the others. Sometimes their gazes would meet and Ennoshita would smile a little before he returned his focus on the conversation he was having with his friends and Ryū's teammates.

 

~~~

 

“So you're not a student then?” Sawamura-san asked, raising an eyebrow in surprise.

“Nah, I was never the type to study all that much,” Kinoshita admitted with a shrug. “My marks were fine, but I didn't go for the prep classes.”

“What brought you to Tokyo then?” Sugawara-san seemed curious.

Chikara tensed up. _Oh no._ This wasn't good. The party had been going so well all evening, but if Kinoshita and Narita reacted to this like Chikara _knew_ they would, all of it might come to an end.

Ever since they'd moved to Tokyo, Kinoshita and Narita had made a point of not hiding their relationship from anyone. They didn't rub it in peoples' faces, but if it came up in conversation they would always tell the truth. It seemed to work for them most of the time, and if it didn't, they'd always manage to get away from it unscathed (if a little shaken up).

Chikara, however, did not want this evening of celebration to end in disaster.

“He's an aspiring actor,” he said before Kinoshita could say that he'd moved to Tokyo because of Narita. It wasn't a lie, but it wasn't the whole truth either.

Both his friends looked like they wanted to roll their eyes at him, but thankfully they went along with it.

“Yeah, these two forced me to act in their stupid little films all the time when we were still in school and I kinda took a liking to it,” Kinoshita said.

“Have you had any luck getting roles so far?” Sugawara-san asked, not missing a beat.

“Just some minor roles in TV dramas and the occasional student film. It doesn't pay the bills yet, but I've been negotiating with a talent agency recently, so that might change soon.”

Sawamura-san nodded. “Sounds like a tough path you've chosen for yourself.”

“As long as I have Kazuhito and Enno to support me, I'll be fine,” Kinoshita said and leaned over to kiss his boyfriend on the cheek. For a moment Chikara hoped that nobody else had seen this public display of affection, but his hope was crushed instantly.

“What the fuck?!”

Nakatomi-san stared at Chikara's friends, shock and disgust mingling on his face.

“Huh? What's going on?” Kuroo-san asked and slowly all eyes turned towards the corner in which Chikara and his friends were standing.

“Did you just _kiss_ him?” Nakatomi-san asked incredulously.

“Uh, yeah? You've got a problem with that?” Kinoshita casually put an arm around his boyfriend's shoulder.

“That's so gay.”

“Yeah, I know. We've always been pretty gay.”

 

~~~

 

It was so quiet that you could've heard a pin drop. Ryū knew exactly what was about to happen, but he had no idea how to stop it.

 

***

 

Two months after Ryū's first practice with the university volleyball team, rumours about the basketball club started spreading. Apparently, one of the players had come out as gay.

“Ugh, just imagine having to change with a fag in the room,” Nakatomi-san said, faking a shudder. “Totally disgusting.”

The other third- and fourth-year students all nodded in agreement.

Ryū wished he had the guts to speak up and tell them that they were assholes, that there was nothing disgusting about liking other guys... But he couldn't. He just changed into his training gear, avoiding eye contact with his teammates.

And that was the reason why Ryū wanted to wait until Nakatomi-san left the team before telling anyone about being bisexual.

 

***

 

“You're joking, right?” Nakatomi-san frowned.

“Not really, no.” Kinoshita-san and Narita-san frowned back at him.

The tension in the room was palpable.

“Now, now! Let's keep this civil,” Ryū blurted out without thinking, but nobody was listening to him.

“Ugh, didn't you use to play volleyball?”

“Yeah, so what?” Narita-san folded his arms in front of his chest.

“How disgusting! You probably got off on all the guys around you undressing in the locker room,” Nakatomi-san spat out.

“If you strip all slow and provocatively, it's your own fault when people stare at you, you know?” Kinoshita-san quipped. “And also... There are sexier places than locker rooms. Have you ever smelled yourself after practice?”

“Are you saying that I stink?” Nakatomi-san got up from his chair, looking like he was about to throw a punch.

“No, he's not!” Ryū quickly said, grabbing the captain by the arm. “Everyone, just calm down. There's no reason for you to fight...”

“Yeah, you're right, those sissies aren't worth my time.” Nakatomi-san sneered. “Well, I think it's time to leave. Don't want the gay to rub off on me.”

 

~~~

 

Half an hour later, most of the guests were gone, leaving only Kinoshita, Narita and the few team members who wanted to apologise for their captain's rude behaviour. That group comprised of Nishinoya, Asahi-san, Sawamura-san, Sugawara-san, Kuroo-san and Yaku-san. Chikara had had the feeling that a lot of the first years had also been very uncomfortable with what Nakatomi-san said, but they'd been too scared to stay.

“Sorry for ruining the party,” Kinoshita sighed and flopped down on one of the kitchen chairs. “I should learn to keep my mouth shut.”

“It's not your fault that Nakatomi is a dickhead,” Kuroo-san grumbled. “Honestly, I'll be the happiest person alive once he retires.”

“Yeah. There's a reason why I'm not coming out of the closet until he's gone,” Tanaka added.

Chikara was about to say that that was probably for the best until he realised what his flatmate's words actually _meant_.

“Wait a second,” Sawamura-san frowned, apparently also caught off guard by Tanaka's sudden revelation, “you're not gay, are you?”

“Nah, I'm bi.”

Chikara's heart skipped a beat. _Tanaka also likes men. He might like–_ Chikara stopped himself from finishing that thought. Even if Tanaka was potentially interested in a relationship with Chikara, it would never end well. Chikara was asexual after all. It wasn't that he didn't want a relationship, but he didn't want the kind of relationship everyone else around him wanted. He was fine with cuddling, holding hands, maybe kissing; he'd probably even enjoy doing all those things with a partner, but the thought of sex made him feel uncomfortable.

He'd told himself that he would be fine with being single and that wasn't going to change anytime soon.

Not even if Tanaka Ryūnosuke was bisexual.

 


	8. Gekommen um zu bleiben.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An here's another chapter that has been created because of my need to have something to look forward to whenever I study.  
> The title is from a [song by Wir sind Helden](http://www.universal-music.de/wir-sind-helden/videos/detail/video:314677/gekommen-um-zu-bleiben) and translates to "Here to stay."  
> This feels like an incoherent mess tbh ._.

For the first time in his life, Chikara was happy that finals were approaching rapidly so that he had an excuse to keep himself busy by studying and finishing his project. There were only five days left until they had to hand in their short films and Narita and Chikara spent most of their time in the media lab to apply some finishing touches.

“This cut is too abrupt,” Chikara said. “We should probably wait until she has actually put down that glass before we cut to Kiyoko-san.”

Narita replayed the scene in question. “But then we'll have to tweak the music.”

“Do you think you could figure that out?” Chikara asked since Narita was the expert on sound design and not him.

“Probably. Let me just...” He trailed off and started fiddling with the audio track for a couple of minutes, moving things around and replaying the scene until he seemed satisfied with how the images and music lined up.

“Honestly, not having any dialogue makes this a lot harder than I would've expected,” he sighed.

Chikara nodded in agreement. This project was a challenge in so many ways, but they'd learnt a lot from it.

Suddenly, the door burst open and Takeda-sensei stumbled into the room.

“I knew I'd find you here!” he said, excitedly waving around a piece of paper. “I have two pieces of good news for you.”

“What is it, Sensei?” Chikara said, taking off his headphones.

“I managed to convince my superiors that there is no harm in showing your film!” he exclaimed with the biggest grin on his face.

Chikara jumped off his chair and immediately bowed his head. “Thank you very much, Sensei!” It felt like a heavy weight had been removed from his shoulders, like he could finally breathe properly again.

Meanwhile, Narita just sat there, mouth agape and eyes wide in disbelief. “How did you manage to do that, Sensei?”

Their professor adjusted his glasses, a devious little smile playing around his lips. “Well, I'm persistent. I took every opportunity to talk about how beautiful the execution of your film is and how it is never an explicitly romantic relationship between the two main characters... I think I basically annoyed them into giving in.”

Chikara could picture it quite well. Takeda-sensei was not the type to give up. He always got what he wanted. Chikara was grateful that he'd decided that their film was worth his efforts.

“Thank you so much,” he repeated, unable to hide his own excitement. He'd have to tell Kiyoko-san and Yachi-san about this as soon as possible.

“You're welcome. I couldn't let all your hard work go to waste because a bunch of old men decided to get in your way.”

“You said you had two pieces of good news for us?” Narita asked curiously. Chikara had already forgotten that Takeda-sensei had said that.

“Well, I talked to a friend of mine. He owns a bar in Shinjuku and he's organising a small scale annual film festival. This is last year's flyer.” Takeda-sensei handed them the piece of paper he'd been waving around before. “He would like to show your film if that was okay with you. You'd obviously get a bunch of free tickets and a cut of the profits.”

_Holy shit._

Chikara stared at the flyer. He actually knew some of the directors who'd showed their films there last year. They weren't big names in the industry or anything, but Chikara followed some of their YouTube channels and...

“These are all gay and lesbian directors,” he said.

“And this bar is in Ni-chōme,” Narita added, pointing at the address at the bottom of the flyer.

“Does that bother you?” Takeda-sensei asked, lifting a single brow. He knew that Narita was gay, since everyone in the film department seemed to know about his boyfriend.

“No, why would it?” Narita laughed. “I'd love to do this. What about you, Ennoshita?”

“Of course I want to do this!”

 

~~~

 

 _Please don't say anything about what happened on the weekend._ Ryū hoped that maybe if he wished for it hard enough everything would be like it was before the party. Maybe, just maybe, his senpais had already forgotten all about Kinoshita-san and Narita-san. He entered the locker room with his hands shoved deeply into the pockets of his tracksuit, so nobody would see how they were clenched into fists. He didn't want his team to know how nervous he was. He didn't want to give his senpais a reason to pick on him.

At first, nobody noticed him. He went to his locker and got changed like he always did, or at least he tried to. Usually, he would be joking around by now, trying to get himself and the others pumped for practice. Instead, Ryū remained silent because his mind was blank – there were no quips and jokes, just emptiness.

Who would've thought that being quiet would draw so much attention?

“I really don't envy you, Tanaka-kun,” Nakatomi-san said, giving him a pat on the shoulder in passing. “Having to put up with those friends of your flatmate must be tough.”

_God fucking damn it._

“Why should it be? They're nice,” he said through clenched teeth, shoving his bag into the locker with too much force. _And they're my friends, too._

“But they're, like, probably checking you out all the time,” one of the other fourth year students said.

“First of all, they don't,” Ryū practically growled, “and second of all, I wouldn't care if they did.”

“So you want to have those gays lusting after you?” Nakatomi-san twisted his words around like it suited him, but Ryū wasn't going to put up with that. He had enough.

“Just fuck off and leave me alone,” he said, shoving the captain out of the way and leaving the locker room for the gym.

He heard footsteps following him and it infuriated him. He turned around, ready to yell in Nakatomi-san's face, but froze when he saw that it was only Asahi-san.

“That was maybe not the smartest thing you did there,” the ace mumbled nervously. “He's not going to let you get away with that.”

“I know, but he just... Ugh!” Ryū wanted to punch something, but there was nothing around to punch. “I hate this. I hate him.”

Asahi-san put a hand on Ryū's shoulder. “I do, too. But you have to stay calm. Promise me that you won't rise to his insults. That would just make everything worse.”

Ryū was touched by the sincere concern in his friend's voice.

“Yeah...” he sighed. Staying calm was not something he was good at. But he would have to try. For his own sake and for the sake of his team.

 

~~~

 

The day of the deadline had come. As Chikara handed the copies of their film over to Takeda-sensei and the organisation team, he heaved an inner sigh of relief. Now all he had to do was get through finals week without having a mental breakdown. The knowledge that he didn't have to worry about the screening anymore would certainly help.

He and Tanaka spent a lot of time at their kitchen table again, keeping each other company while they tried to cram as much information as possible into their brains. Chikara had made a point of not changing his behaviour around his flatmate after finding out that he was bisexual. It wasn't a big deal after all. So he liked women _and_ men, who even cared!

_Not me._

At least that was what Chikara told himself every time he caught himself thinking about Tanaka. It happened more often than he cared to admit, though he'd only noticed it recently.

During grocery shopping, Chikara would remember to put some melon bread into the cart, because it was Tanaka's favourite. When he saw a funny vine the first person he'd share it with was Tanaka. When he was lying alone in bed at night, he would wonder whether Tanaka was already asleep and then he'd stare at the wall that was separating them until his eyes wouldn't stay open anymore. They were all small thoughts that reminded Chikara that his friendship with Tanaka had developed at an unusually rapid speed. It was probably a result of their constant close proximity, of living together in a small flat and of sharing some interests.

Chikara had had crushes before, but this was nothing like them. As soon as he'd realised that he had feelings for another guy his usual reaction was to create as much distance as possible. He didn't need to drag someone into a relationship that would never work out. He didn't need to burden another person with feelings that would never be enough. Chikara had read enough books, seen enough films and talked to enough people to know that a relationship without sex was doomed to fail.

He envied asexuals who were somehow able to find a way to make it work. He knew they were out there, at least that was what the internet had told him. He wanted what they had, but he was too scared to risk it.

And so he tried to shut down the small thoughts and think about his finals instead. He turned his back on the wall, he forced himself to share funny videos in the group chat instead of sending them directly to Tanaka. But he couldn't bring himself not to buy melon bread. And he couldn't bring himself to distance himself from Tanaka, because that would hurt even more than the equilibrium they were floating in right now.

 

Tanaka groaned, resting his head on his didactics textbook. He seemed tired, probably because he had to attend practice on top of studying.

“Should we take a break?” Chikara offered, putting down his pencil.

“Yes, please! I'm gonna make us some coffee...”

Chikara nodded and went to get some sweets. “I'm glad I don't have to go to practice on top of studying, like you do.”

“Eh, usually it's not a problem, but ever since we had that get-together...” Tanaka grimaced. “Nakatomi-san is pissing me off.”

A feeling of unease gnawed at Chikara's insides at the mention of Nakatomi-san. “I'm sorry about that. I tried to stop them from revealing their relationship...”

“I don't blame you or them,” Tanaka interrupted, leaning against the kitchen counter. “They can be as gay as they want and it's their decision to be out. They're my friends now and I'll protect my friends at all cost. It's just... tiring, I guess.”

Chikara bit his lower lip, ignored the way his heartbeat sped up and hugged his friend.

This was exactly the reason why he couldn't stop thinking about Tanaka. He might be brash, too loud and easily riled up, but he was so kind. He cared. He made Chikara feel at home, he was always there and he listened. Now it was Chikara's turn to listen, even if it meant that he would continue falling deeper and deeper.

“If you wanna talk about it...”

“Nah. This is enough,” Tanaka whispered, wrapping his arms around Chikara and leaning his head against his shoulder.

It was warm, so warm.

Chikara's eyes were completely unfocused, as he realised that these feelings were here to stay and wouldn't leave anytime soon.

 

~~~

 

Technically, Ryū couldn't afford to slack off, but he needed a breather, an afternoon during which he didn't have to worry about Nakatomi-san, the fact that Ennoshita was driving him crazy, and the exam he would have to take in two days time.

The only place where he could do that was Asahi-san and Noya-san's flat. He had spread out on their couch, while they sat around the coffee table with their notes and textbooks.

“Why did I think studying agricultural sciences would be a good idea?” Noya-san whined, tearing at his hair.

“Because you thought it was the easiest major,” Ryū said, “at least that's what you told me in our first year.”

“It's not the easiest major,” Noya-san complained.

“Well, that's what you get for underestimating agriculture.”

“Is there anything I could help you with, maybe?” Asahi-san offered.

“Nah, I don't think so, but thank you.”

The way Noya-san and Asahi-san smiled at each other made Ryū's heart ache. They were so perfect for each other, despite all their differences. Or maybe because of them, Ryū couldn't really tell. Groaning, he turned on his back and hid his face behind his hands. “I also want someone who loves me as much as you guys love each other.”

“You have Chikara,” Noya-san reminded him. So much for not worrying about Ennoshita being perfect.

“He's not my boyfriend, though.”

“You should just man up and confess to him.”

“Saeko-nee said I should take it slow.”

“It's been two months, how much slower can you go?”

“I don't even know whether he likes guys!” Ryū exclaimed frustratedly. “Just because he makes films about LGBT topics and is friends with Kinoshita-san and Narita-san doesn't mean that he's like them.”

“Why don't you ask him then?” Asahi-san suggested quietly. His words were like a revelation.

“Asahi-senpai, you are a genius,” Ryū said. It was beyond him why he hadn't thought of this himself. It couldn't be that hard to bring up in conversation, right?

 

As it turned out, bringing it up in conversation was _hard_. Every time the conversation took a turn in the right direction, Ryū freaked out and asked about something else instead. The question was just too personal. And what if Chikara turned out to be straight? Maybe he was just the best ally on the planet or something. It definitely was a possibility. So he kept waiting and waiting, until suddenly finals were over and he found himself sitting around Kinoshita-san and Narita-san's dinner table with his friends to celebrate the ending of exam week.

“Ugh, you guys are so lucky!” Noya-san exclaimed, draping himself over Kinoshita-san's shoulder. “I wish I could've skipped all the break ups and just been together with Asahi right from the start.”

“I can only remember you having one girlfriend when we were in high school,” Narita-san said, frowning.

“And that one break up was enough to last me a lifetime!” Noya-san countered sagely. “That reminds me... Chikara, have you ever had a relationship?”

Ryū's head whipped around to his flatmate whose expression had gone completely blank. Ennoshita put down his glass of juice with deliberate carefulness. “No, I haven't.”

“How come? I'm sure that tons of people must've confessed to you already!” Noya-san kept pressing on.

Ennoshita remained expressionless, eyes turned toward his juice, but unfocused. “Well... I've only ever been approached by girls, and I don't really have an interest in girls.”

Ryū's heartbeat went crazy.

“So you're gay?” Noya-san blurted out, finally eliciting a twitch in the emotionless mask Ennoshita had put on this entire time.

“Kinda, but also not really. I'm asexual.”

 

~~~

 

Chikara didn't know why he was doing this.

“So yeah, I don't really want a relationship.”

He was scared to look at Tanaka's face, scared to find out whether there had been even the slightest bit of interest in him... So he looked at Noya-san instead, who seemed to need a couple of seconds to formulate a coherent response.

“Whoa. That's unexpected. But you said you're kinda gay...?”

“Well, I've had the occasional crush on a guy, but it's... different from usual crushes. Probably.”

Kinoshita sighed. “You always say that, but I don't think you're all that different. You still like being close to people, you'd just like to skip the sex part, right?”

Chikara just shrugged. He didn't want to talk about this more than he already had. “Oh, I just remembered something! Didn't you have a meeting with that talent agency today? How did it go?”

Kinoshita rolled his eyes at the obvious attempt to change the topic but humoured him nonetheless. “I told them that I'd only sign the contract if I could be open about being gay. Seems like that was a deal breaker for them.”

“No way!” Noya-san yelled angrily. “That's bullshit!”

And just like that, the topic of Chikara's sexuality was off the table. Narita threw him a look that said, “You are being an idiot.”

Chikara kind of agreed with him.

 


	9. 4 o'clock

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternative title: The chapter in which nobody gets a proper night's sleep.  
> The actual title is from [a song by Emilie Autumn](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3OjtjvfPwyg).  
> Incidentally, I'm kinda sleep deprived because I was studying for my biochem final for the past couple of days. But it's over now!!! To celebrate I'll bump up the rating of this fic *coughs*

Hours after returning from Narita-san and Kinoshita-san's place Ryū was lying in bed, staring into the darkness. He wasn't quite sure what to think of Chikara being asexual. On the one hand, it obviously wasn't a bad thing. Everyone was different and if Chikara didn't experience sexual attraction that was fine. On the other hand, Ryū kept remembering what Kinoshita-san had said.

“ _I don't think you're all that different. You still like being close to people, you'd just like to skip the sex part, right?”_

If that was true, Chikara was forcing himself to stay lonely. At least that was what it seemed like to Ryū. He didn't think that there was something wrong with wanting to stay single, but he could've sworn that Chikara had been uncomfortable with Kinoshita-san's words because they held some truth.

Ryū was sure that there had to be people out there who wouldn't mind dating someone who was asexual. Personally, he would probably miss sex, but it wasn't like he couldn't go without it. In fact, he'd gone without sex ever since he'd broken up with his last girlfriend and that was... six months ago? Yeah, that sounded about right.

_So what should I do now?_

He kept staring into the darkness for a while, unable to come up with an answer. Sighing, he turned on his side, grabbed his phone and had a look at the clock.

3:56

He had to get up in two hours or he'd be late for practice.

_I should probably sleep._

 

Ryū had no idea why Ukai-san insisted on holding morning practice at 7 o'clock when nobody had classes anymore, but right now he wanted to murder him for it. Two hours were not enough sleep for him to function like an actual human being. He kept fucking up his receives and the timing of his spikes was kinda off as well.

Noya-san and Asahi-san kept throwing worried looks in his direction and Suga-san berated him for making his life harder with his slowed reflexes.

“You call that a spike? I tossed to you perfectly!” he grumbled. “Honestly, you should be glad that you weren't grouped with Nakatomi-san today. He would kill you for that ridiculous spike!”

“I'm sorry, Suga-san, but I just couldn't fall asleep.” Ryū had to suppress a yawn. “I promise it'll be better tomorrow.”

 

~~~

 

Chikara had barely been able to sleep. He blamed it on the fact that today was the day of the screening, but actually, it was probably due to the fact that he'd come out to Nishinoya and Tanaka yesterday. With that, he'd probably sent a pretty clear signal that he was not interested and he was already regretting it.

And so Chikara dragged himself through the motions of getting ready for what could be called the premiere of his and Narita's short film. It wasn't going to be a formal event, but the professors usually invited someone from the film industry, so he made sure to at least wear a nice button-up and slacks instead of his usual attire of t-shirt and jeans. You never knew who you would meet at such an event.

He stared at himself in the mirror, wondering if anybody would notice the dark shadows under his eyes. But then again, he didn't actually care.

Leaving the bathroom, he ran into Tanaka who'd just got up from a nap. He'd seemed really tired after today's morning practice, but now he obviously had regenerated some energy.

“Well, well, you _do_ clean up nicely,” he remarked, wiggling his eyebrows. Chikara didn't dignify that with an answer, mostly because he wasn't sure what to make of that comment. He couldn't be actually flirting with him, not after what happened last night.

“I'll probably be back late. These things tend to go on for ages,” he said, putting on his shoes.

“Man, I would've loved to see your film,” Tanaka sighed. The screenings weren't open to the public, only invited guests and students of the film department were allowed to attend. Not even Kiyoko-san and Yachi-san would be able to come.

“You'll have to wait until the film festival to see it on the big screen, but I could always show it to you on our TV,” Chikara offered.

“I'll wait for the festival then. I bet it has a much bigger impact there than on our shitty TV.”

 

One of the bigger lecture halls had been turned into a temporary cinema. The seats weren't particularly comfortable, but Chikara was used to them, so it didn't bother him all that much. What bothered him more was that he'd seen Yamada in the crowd when he'd entered the room. Chikara's former flatmate was in his fourth year already, so he didn't have any classes with him, but they were still in the same department.

“If I hear him talking shit about our film, I'll punch him,” Narita growled.

“Please don't. He's not worth getting in trouble over,” Chikara sighed.

Narita grumbled something that Chikara didn't quite catch, but before he could ask him to repeat it Takeda-sensei already stepped up to the front.

“Welcome everybody to this semester's screening of the student films,” he declared with a warm smile. “As always, you have all produced outstanding work, so I'm not going to say much about it and let the films speak for themselves. We start out with the projects of the first year students. The topic was 'comedy' and the films were supposed to be ten to fifteen minutes long...”

 

Chikara enjoyed watching what his fellow students had produced this semester, but he couldn't shake the feelings of nervousness and impatience. On the one hand, he was scared of the reactions they would get for their oh so “controversial” film, but he also wanted to get it over with. He was the type to rip off the band-aid in one go instead of unnecessarily drawing out the inevitable.

After the last of the first years' films ended, the lights turned on again and Takeda-sensei came to the front, announcing a five-minute break before they would move on to the films of the second years.

“Ugh, I want it to be over already,” Chikara complained, stretching his stiff limbs.

“Yeah.” Narita rested his elbows on the small table in front of him. “Waiting is always the worst part.”

As it turned out, they didn't have to wait long, because their short film was the first one to be shown after the break. As Chikara watched the relationship between Yachi-san and Kiyoko-san play out on screen, he noticed countless things that could've been done better, and yet there was something immensely satisfying about seeing his film like this, of having others see it. When after roughly seventeen minutes Kiyoko-san reached out for Yachi-san's hand, he could hear some audible gasps in the audience.

 _Those are probably the people who didn't get that those were dates and not two friends hanging out_ , Chikara thought, trying to keep in the chuckle that threatened to escape him.

 

After the last second-year project faded to black, a one hour break was announced. The head of the department had sponsored some snacks and non-alcoholic drinks, but Chikara and Narita were too busy answering questions about their film to eat or drink. The reactions were mostly positive, though there was the occasional rude comment (“You should've totally let them kiss! You can't have lesbians and not let them kiss!”); but Chikara chose to ignore those, since the people who said these things had totally missed the point of the film.

It took them almost forty minutes to escape their curious peers and finally get themselves a soda (the snacks had already been eaten).

“I'd say that was a success,” Chikara said happily as he opened his can of grape soda.

“Definitely. Could've been a lot worse.” A satisfied smirk tugged at the corners of Narita's mouth. “Come on, let's go back to our seats.”

Chikara had already forgotten about Yamada being here, so he froze up in surprise when he turned around and suddenly stood face to face with his senpai. Yamada seemed just as surprised though, opening his mouth as if he was about to say something, but then stopping himself and stomping off without even bothering with a greeting.

“What the fuck was that?” Narita asked, watching him go.

Chikara shrugged. _Who even cares about him anymore..._

 

~~~

 

While most students had a couple of weeks off to look forward to at the end of the semester, the volleyball club was expected to show up at practice as usual for most of the break. Ryū had never been particularly bothered by that, but this time around he would've loved to get away from his senpais for a while. The atmosphere around them had become outright hostile ever since he spoke up against Nakatomi-san's homophobia that one time and it wasn't getting any better.

Ryū tried to let the sneers and snide remarks roll off him, but they still hit way too close to home.

They also created unrest amongst the team. Everyone knew what was going on, but nobody actually dared to say something in Ryū's defence. He couldn't blame them for not wanting to get involved. But Ryū noticed the sympathetic looks and clenched fists, the irritated scowls and the way everyone else treated him with more respect than before. It was only a small comfort, but it was comfort nonetheless.

Unsurprisingly, it took a while until the coaches started to catch on to the unrest in the team since Nakatomi-san's bullying was usually restricted to the locker room.

It was in the second week of the break, during a practice match that the situation finally escalated.

Ryū got subbed in during the fourth set to replace one of his senpais who had sprained his ankle. He was glad for the opportunity, though he obviously felt sorry for his teammate. He might not like the fourth year students very much, but he also didn't want them to be injured. He gave it his all, called out for tosses, but he couldn't shake the feeling that Nakatomi-san only sent the ball to him with reluctance.

 _Just 'cause I spoke up that one time_ , he thought bitterly as their captain once again ignored the fact that only one blocker was marking Ryū and tossed the ball to a fellow fourth year instead who ended up being blocked by two opposing players.

“Keep calm, please,” Asahi-san whispered, suddenly appearing next to him and patting him on the back.

Swallowing down his anger, Ryū nodded and got into position again.

But the frustration kept building up as the set dragged on and on until Coach Ukai suddenly called a time out.

“Nakatomi,” he said sternly, “what the fuck do you think you're doing?”

“I don't know what you're talking about coach,” the setter replied, feigning ignorance.

Ukai-san sighed, shaking his head. “Stop ignoring Tanaka. If you don't, I'll have Kageyama or Sugawara switch with you.”

Nakatomi-san opened his mouth, clearly about to argue, but Ukai-san had already turned toward Kuroo-san to give him some pointers.

Ryū could feel his senpai's anger radiate off of him like heat and could barely suppress the urge to stare back with his most intimidating glare, but he could feel Asahi-san's presence right next to him.

He didn't even have to repeat himself, Ryū already knew what he was thinking. _“Keep calm, please.”_

The match resumed and Nakatomi-san started sending some tosses towards Ryū, but there was something off about them. They were too fast, too high, or too close to the net, making it extremely hard to hit them. Ryū was sure that Nakatomi-san was doing it on purpose.

Five minutes later the ref blew the whistle, indicating a member change. Everyone looked to the sidelines, where Kageyama was holding up a sign with the number 1 on it. Nakatomi-san was fuming, but he wouldn't budge.

“Nakatomi, get over here right now,” Ukai-san yelled. The irritation in his voice was almost palpable.

The captain stomped off the court, ripped the sign from Kageyama's hand, threw it on the floor and ran out of the gym.

“Nakatomi!” Ukai-san yelled, but Nakatomi-san ignored him. Sighing, Ukai-san rubbed at his forehead. “Could you please handle this, Shimada?”

The assistant coach nodded and followed Nakatomi-san.

“I'm very sorry about this,” Ukai-san said, getting up and bowing to the coaches of the other team. “Please resume the match.”

 

They ended up losing by a hair's breadth, but Ryū felt liberated because Nakatomi-san stopped being the untouchable entity that he used to be all this time. After the match, Ukai-san chewed him out in front of the entire team, threatening to hand over captaincy to Daichi-san if he kept up this behaviour on and off the court.

“You won't be playing in the next match, so use that time to reflect on your actions,” Ukai-san said. “Volleyball is a team sport. Remember that.”

 

~~~

 

“You seem to be in an awfully good mood, considering that you lost the practice match,” Chikara remarked as he watched Tanaka dance around in front of the stove, playfully flipping the meat he was preparing for dinner.

“Ukai-san scolded Nakatomi-san for being a dickhead,” Tanaka said, grinning. “He might lose his position as a starter and captain if he continues picking on me.”

Well, that certainly explained the good mood. “That's good to hear.”

“I know, right?”

Chikara watched him mess around in the kitchen. It was nice seeing him like this – boasting about his spikes with an exuberant smile, making immature jokes about the vegetables he was cutting... He seemed so happy and Chikara liked sharing that happiness with him.

 _This could actually be enough_ , he thought. _He doesn't need to be my boyfriend. I like being his friend well enough._

 

After dinner, Tanaka sat down on the couch to play some video games. For once Chikara didn't have anything better to do, so he watched, occasionally pointing out things Tanaka was overlooking or teasing him for messing up a jump.

It was past 11 p.m. when they decided to call it a night.

Chikara lay down on his bed and soon found himself on his side, facing the wall. Tanaka was over there. If it weren't for the wall, Chikara could just reach out and touch him, maybe ruffle his hair or take his hand.

_He's your friend already. What more do you want?_

Chikara sighed, curling up beneath his blanket. He shouldn't want more, but he still remembered how it felt to hold Tanaka in his arms and to be held in his. He remembered his smell and the warmth and the feeling of his breath on his neck. If Tanaka was his boyfriend he could have that every day, he wouldn't have to wait until one of them was sad and exhausted because the world was breaking apart around them. If Tanaka was his boyfriend, he could actually tell him that he didn't buy that melon bread for himself but because he knew Tanaka liked it. He could tell him that he liked him.

But Tanaka deserved better than him. Tanaka deserved someone who would be able to fulfil all his needs, who could have sex with him.

 

“ _Chikara...” His voice resonates somewhere deep within me, makes me shiver at the sound of my own name. And then there are his hands, rough and firm, gripping at my hips, pulling me closer._

_The kiss that follows starts out slow and sweet, but it's not enough. I want more. So much more. A sigh escapes my lips and he knows what I desire. His tongue meets mine, tentatively at first and getting more adventurous by the minute. I wrap my arms around his neck and press my body against his_

_Exhilarating, intoxicating – I imagine that this must be what it feels like to be drunk. But although I've never touched alcohol before, I already know that it could never be sweeter or more fulfilling than the feeling of having his body so close to mine._

“ _Chikara,” he groans once again, the last syllable catching in his throat. Suddenly, he pushes my back against the wall, knocking all the air out of my lungs. His bluish grey eyes are full of unrestrained hunger as he leans in and simultaneously shoves his leg between my thighs, rubbing it against the growing erection that's straining against my pants._

“ _Ryū,” I choke out his name and –_

Chikara was suddenly wide awake, blinking to chase away the hazy images of his dream. Tanaka was nowhere to be seen, but there was no getting around the fact that Chikara was _hard_ , the dream still vividly replaying in front of his inner eye.

“This can't be true,” he whispered. Nothing about this made sense to him. He'd never had a wet dream in his entire life. He'd never fantasised about anyone when he masturbated. He'd never been able to even picture himself having sex with his previous crushes. For years he'd thought of himself as asexual.

Now this.

Groaning, he turned onto his side, trying to ignore his boner. He tried focusing on the least sexy scenarios he could think of – smelly people on a crowded train, that horror film Narita had dragged him to a month ago, Yamada puking on his favourite shirt – but it was futile. No matter how hard he tried to concentrate, the pictures were replaced with Tanaka – his smile, his laughter and his blushing face when they'd first met.

After five minutes of indecisively clenching and unclenching his fists, Chikara bit his lip and shoved his hand into his pants.

 _Might as well_ , he thought, wrapping his fingers around his erect penis. As he started jerking off, random memories of Tanaka flashed before Chikara's eyes, most of them of him running around the flat half-naked. Soon memories turned into a guilt-ridden fantasy of it being Tanaka's hand that rubbed over Chikara's erection, of Tanaka whispering sweet nothings and encouraging Chikara to come all over his hands. But it was the thought of Tanaka whispering his name that finally pushed Chikara over the edge.

For a couple of seconds, Chikara's mind was utterly blank. Then he noticed how uncomfortably sticky his underwear was. Sighing, he got up, grabbed a couple of tissues from his night stand and cleaned up the mess he'd made.

Was this how Kinoshita and Narita felt about each other? Was this what it felt like to be attracted to someone?

The answer was probably yes, and Chikara had no idea how to deal with that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the lovely and encouraging comments on the last chapter! You guys are the best :)


	10. Air catcher

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is what happens if you give me free time: I write fanfiction for five hours straight.  
> The title is from [a song by Twenty One Pilots](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i4LVwAbP53w).

Chikara had started conducting some experiments. They led him to the following observations:

  1. Porn still did absolutely nothing for him.

  2. Thinking about having sex with anyone who was not Tanaka still made him highly uncomfortable.

  3. The thought of having sex with Tanaka was very much enjoyable.

  4. He actually enjoyed masturbating a lot more, now that he had something that he could fantasise about.




Now if only he had an idea what any of this meant. There were only two people whom he trusted enough to talk about something this personal, but it was going to be the most embarrassing conversation ever...

It took him a couple of days to work up the courage to visit Kinoshita and Narita's flat.

Narita had gone back home to visit his parents, but Kinoshita couldn't afford to take a day off from his part time job at a book store. That actually suited Chikara quite well, since he'd only have to embarrass himself in front of one of them.

Kinoshita set down a glass of iced tea in front of Chikara.

“So, what is it you wanted to talk to me about?” he asked curiously, leaning back in his chair.

Chikara took a sip of his drink and tried to think of a way to make this sound less... weird.

“I... I had a strange dream recently,” he said carefully, deliberately not looking at his friend. “And it kinda freaked me out. Still freaks me out when I think about it too long, to be perfectly honest.”

“You're coming to me because of a nightmare?” Kinoshita sounded exasperated. “Are you a five-year-old or what?”

“I wouldn't call it a nightmare...” _Oh, to hell with it._ “I dreamt about having sex with Tanaka.”

Kinoshita almost spat out his tea. “What?! Why are you telling me this! I didn't need to know that!”

“Because I don't know what it means!” Chikara exclaimed, tearing at his hair. “I thought I was ace!”

Kinoshita shook his head and threw Chikara an exasperated look. “Shouldn't you be happy about this? Now you don't have to worry about all that 'sexless relationships are doomed to fail' bullshit you made up.”

“But I can't imagine having sex with anyone _but_ Tanaka,” Chikara desperately tried to explain himself and the dilemma he found himself in. “I know I'm not gay. If I was, there'd be tons of guys I'd be attracted to, right? But it's only Tanaka. Just thinking about doing it with someone else makes me want to scratch my skin off.”

Sighing, Kinoshita rubbed at his eyes. “Have you never heard of demisexuality? Because that's what this sounds like to me.”

Chikara was dumbfounded. “What the fuck is demisexuality?”

“It's when you're asexual but if you form a strong emotional bond with someone there's a possibility that you feel some attraction towards them,” Kinoshita explained. “I mean, from what I've seen, you and Tanaka are pretty close. I'd even say that he's your closest friend aside from me and Kazuhito. You also have a massive crush on him. Yes, I've noticed, don't look at me all shocked.” Kinoshita smiled and Chikara could feel the heat of a blush rise on his cheeks. “You're in love with him and you've already got a close friendship with him, so your brain decided that it's fine to fantasise about him or something. Does that sound about right to you?”

It did sound right.

“So that's what this is,” Chikara sighed, rolling his shoulders to get rid of the tension in his muscles. “So I'm not a freak then.”

Kinoshita laughed. “You're being way too dramatic, Enno, just like in high school when you thought that Narita and I would shun you because you're asexual.”

Chikara sheepishly scratched the back of his head. “You try being asexual and growing up in a society that tells you that you're not a real man if you don't lose your virginity before you leave high school.”

“Meh. Doesn't sound fun, but coming out to you and Kazuhito was nerve-wracking as well.”

Chikara smiled at the memory. “I'm glad I met you guys.”

 

~~~

 

Nakatomi-san didn't show up to practice for five days straight and with every day Ukai-san's mood got darker and darker. He didn't exactly take it out on the rest of the team, but he was more irritable than usual.

For Ryū, however, Nakatomi-san's absence was a welcome relief. Without him, the other fourth years were a lot more bearable.

But on the sixth day, he returned and brought back the tension that had been building up since the party. The locker room was oddly quiet that day. Everyone talked in hushed voices and threw worried looks over their shoulder to where the captain was getting ready for practice. Nakatomi-san didn't say a word and to Ryū that was scarier than all the insults he'd had to endure before.

Ryū changed quickly and left the locker room in a hurry, followed by Noya-san.

“He looks like he wants to murder someone,” Ryū's friend whispered as they entered the gym. Hinata and Kageyama were already warming up, so Ryū and Noya-san joined them.

“I'm curious how Ukai-san will react to his return,” Ryū muttered as he spotted the coach pushing the ball cart out of the equipment room.

“I bet he's gonna blow a fuse,” Noya-san said.

As it turned out, Noya-san was right. Nakatomi-san had barely crossed the threshold when Ukai-san already started yelling.

“Where the fuck have you been?”

“You said that I wasn't going to play in the next match, so I didn't think I was needed at practice,” Nakatomi-san replied defiantly. That was very obviously the wrong thing to say.

“That is not for you to decide,” Ukai-san growled. “I've never seen a twenty-one-year-old man act like such a child. When you were given the position of captain, you were given a responsibility. You are supposed to act as a role model for your kōhais. You are supposed to hold this team together. But you do neither of these things. I don't fucking care what your beef with Tanaka is, but if you can't leave it behind when you are on the court, you'll have to leave.”

“Why do _I_ have to leave?” Nakatomi-san yelled, spit flying from his mouth. “ _He_ was the one who started this by being a disrespectful little shit!”

That was it. “Oh fuck you!” Ryū snapped. “You were being a homophobic dick and insulted my friends! Did you actually think I'd keep my mouth shut just 'cause you're two years older than me?”

Ryū had barely finished his sentence when Nakatomi-san was already lunging at him, right fist raised in the air, ready to strike. Ryū threw up his arms in front of his face to block the blow, but Nakatomi-san never reached him. As Ryū lowered his arms again, he saw him lying on the ground, struggling against the weight of Daichi-san and Kuroo-san who must've thrown themselves at him in order to stop him.

“Let him go,” Ukai-san said and went to kneel down next to Nakatomi-san. “I'm giving you one last warning.” His face was blank, but there was an unmistakable threat in his voice. “Leave now and don't show your face here ever again, or else I'll file a disciplinary complaint with the athletics department and you can kiss your scholarship goodbye.”

“ _Tch._ ” Nakatomi-san pushed off the ground, glared at Ryū one last time and stomped out of the gym.

Ukai-san sighed, rubbing at his temples.

“Well, Daichi, looks like you're the captain now,” Suga-san said, a satisfied grin stretched across his face.

Ryū just stared at the door through which Nakatomi-san had just disappeared. Only now that the adrenaline levels in his blood were declining did he notice how his knees were shaking. Slowly, he sank to the ground, taking a couple of deep breaths.

“Are you alright, Ryū?” Noya-san asked.

“I'm fine. I just need a second.”

It was over. Nakatomi-san was gone for good.

One less thing to worry about.

 

Practice was all over the place that day, but that was to be expected after the spectacle Nakatomi-san had made of himself. Ryū was too shaken up to actually be happy yet, but the shock slowly subsided with every hour that passed. When he finally arrived back home, he could even muster the energy for a smile as he related the story to Ennoshita.

“Thank goodness he didn't hurt you,” Ennoshita said, relief written all over his face as he stepped forward and pulled Ryū against his chest. Ryū sighed contentedly. Being hugged by Ennoshita was worth all the stress in the world.

“I know how to defend myself,” he said, softly brushing his hand over Ennoshita's back.

“Doesn't mean you can't get hurt,” Ennoshita mumbled, squeezing Ryū's shoulders before suddenly pulling back. “I'm gonna run to the convenience store real quick and get us some snacks, and then we can watch that anime you told me about last week.”

Ryū's flatmate rushed to the door at such a speed that Ryū couldn't shake the feeling that he was fleeing from something.

_Hell if I know what he's fleeing from, though._

 

~~~

 

Chikara's palms were sweaty and gross, but not because of the heat. On the other side of this door, Tanaka was probably wondering why he hadn't come back yet if all he'd wanted to do was go and buy some snacks at the convenience store. But actually, that was not the reason why Chikara had left. He'd aimlessly wandered around the neighbourhood, trying to sort out these thoughts that stopped making sense ever since he'd started using his flatmate as masturbation material.

Kinoshita had been right. Tanaka and Chikara were already way closer than Chikara had ever been with any of his other friends and that was saying something, considering the fact that Kinoshita and Narita were basically like the brothers he'd never had. But Tanaka had managed to sneak his way into Chikara's heart and set up permanent residence without asking Chikara's permission. Chikara should've known that it would happen once he'd realised that coming home to Tanaka felt like, well, _coming home_. He couldn't even say that about his parents' house anymore. No matter how many times Chikara had told himself that these feelings would go away eventually, they'd only kept growing stronger. Now that Tanaka managed to get under Chikara's skin in a way that actually caused Chikara to consider the thought of having sex with him and _enjoying_ the thought enough to elicit a bodily reaction there was no need to be afraid of a relationship anymore.

Quite frankly, being in love was scary. Wanting sex was even scarier. Confessing these feelings was the scariest thing he could imagine.

But Chikara was done being scared.

He unlocked the front door, stepped inside the flat and said, “Tanaka, I'm in love with you.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there it is :D


	11. Halt mich

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am posting this without much editing, because my wifi router is dying a slow death and I don't want to leave you hanging in case it ends up breaking before I can get a replacement. So yeah, two updates in one day. I literally did nothing but write, eat and sleep today @_@  
> The chapter title is from [one of my favourite songs by Schandmaul](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fGXUmeyGsoU). It's cheesy as fuck, so it goes well with this fluffy chapter xD  
> Here's a translation of the chorous:  
>  _Hold me until the night is over,_  
>  _Hold me until there's no more doubt dividing us,_  
>  _And the night touches us softly,_  
>  _Carries us away on its silent wings._

“Tanaka, I'm in love with you.”

Ryū was ninety percent sure that this was not a dream. Ennoshita Chikara was standing in their entryway, clutching a bag from the convenience store and declaring his love for him. It seemed almost surreal, but if this had been a dream Ryū's imagination would've dressed Ennoshita in more flattering clothes and it probably would've left out the white plastic bag.

“I love you, too,” Ryū blurted out as soon as he'd regained his ability to speak.

Ennoshita leaned back against the front door, slowly sliding down until he was sitting on the floor.

“Holy shit.” He laughed, shakily, but the sound was music to Ryū's ears. “Do you want to go out with me?”

Ryū felt like if he was in a manga, there'd be a speech bubble with three exclamation points over his head right now. “Yes. Very much. I mean, wow. Definitely.”

Ennoshita laughed again and it was less shaky and so beautiful that Ryū never wanted him to stop. The way his eyes were almost shining with a light of their own, the way his lips curled up into the prettiest shape a mouth could be, all of it was spelling out relief and happiness, mirroring Ryū's own feelings.

“I... hah... I can't believe it was that easy,” Ennoshita said, awkwardly rising to his feet again and taking off his shoes.

“I can't believe that you actually want to go out with me,” Ryū said, scooting over on the couch to make space for Ennoshita. “I mean... You said that you don't want to date, 'cause you're asexual and stuff. I don't mind not having sex if it means that I can be with you, but...” _Oh my god stop talking, Ryū,_ he mentally scolded himself and terminated the sentence before he could put his foot further down his mouth.

Sitting down next to him, Ennoshita groaned. “About that...” He squeezed his eyes shut. “I don't think I'm entirely asexual, actually? It's... it's complicated.”

Okay, that was new. “I'm all ears.”

Ennoshita pulled his knees against his body, resting his forehead on them, thus effectively hiding his face from Ryū and muffling the sound of his voice. “Well... Fuck, this is going to sound so awkward, but... Uh... I had a dream. About you and...” Ryū definitely liked where this was going, though he would've liked to actually see Ennoshita's facial expression as he said these things. “I might have jerked off to the thought of you more than once.” _Oh shit._ Ennoshita's ears had turned bright red, but before Ryū could comment on anything, Ennoshita already continued, “I, erm, experimented a little, but you are literally the only person I can picture myself having sex with. And I... I talked to Kinoshita about this and he said that I'm probably demisexual.”

Ryū had never heard of that term ever before. “What does that mean exactly?”

“Well... It means that I need to have a strong emotional bond with someone to be sexually attracted to them.”

“So what you're telling me is that I'm the first person you ever had such a close relationship with? Not even with Narita-san and Kinoshita-san?”

“It's different. I never had romantic feelings for them at all, but you... uh, well... you're different.”

Ryū didn't know what to say. It was hard to process all this new information, but the more he thought about it, the happier he was.

“So... We're boyfriends now?” he asked, just to make sure he hadn't misunderstood anything.

Ennoshita finally lifted his head again. The shiest little smile adorned his face as he nodded, making warmth explode in Ryū's chest. Without thinking, he reached out, softly stroking his fingers over Ennoshita's cheeks and then he leaned in...

 

~~~

 

Chikara had laid his innermost feeling out in front of Tanaka, a process that had been scary and embarrassing, but also exhilarating. Now he was rewarded for this leap of faith with a pair of lips softly pressing against his. He instinctively closed his eyes and tried to reciprocate the movement to the best of his abilities. He'd seen so many kisses in films and real life, but none of that prepared him for what was happening right now. There was this feeling in his chest like his heart was expanding and pressing against his ribcage. He had to consciously remind himself to breathe through his nose because he'd been holding his breath without noticing it until his lungs started to burn. Chikara movements were horribly uncoordinated, but Tanaka didn't seem to mind. His body was pushing closer and closer until Chikara had no other choice but to lie down on the couch.

In that brief moment in which they parted, their eyes met. Chikara had never seen those bluish grey eyes glow with so much happiness before, not from up close at least. But there was no time to appreciate Tanaka's facial expression because he was already leaning over Chikara, pressing the next kiss to his lips. Hesitantly, Chikara wrapped one arm around Tanaka's neck. Tanaka seemed to take that as his cue to step up his game, grazing his teeth over Chikara's lower lip. A pleasant shiver ran down Chikara's spine and he opened his mouth. Tanaka hummed appreciatively, deepening the kiss further. The touch of his tongue was unexpectedly gentle. Chikara tried to match Tanaka's movements, but he probably failed spectacularly. Not that Tanaka seemed to care. He happily continued to kiss Chikara, until Chikara's lower body started to react.

Chikara immediately broke away from the kiss. “Wait!” he gasped out, entirely overwhelmed by the situation. He wasn't ready for this yet and he needed to draw a line before he got Tanaka's hopes up.

“Everything alright?” Tanaka looked down at him, a concerned frown lining his features.

“Yeah, but... uh... I think we should stop for now,” Chikara explained, still a little breathless. “I'm not quite ready yet for anything more than this.”

Tanaka smiled, pressed his lips against Chikara's forehead and pulled away. “As long as you're comfortable.”

Chikara chuckled happily. This right here was another reason to love this man. He might act all rowdy and intimidating most of the time, but deep down he was very considerate. He held out his hand, helping Chikara up again, so that they could sit on the couch like they usually did, with Chikara leaning against his shoulder.

“Was that your first kiss?” Tanaka asked curiously.

“Yes.”

“Ha! I'll steal away all your firsts, just you wait!”

Laughter threatened to bubble up through Chikara's throat. “You're ridiculous.”

“Ridiculously good at kissing.” Tanaka wriggled his eyebrows and that was it, Chikara laughed out loud, leaning his entire body weight against his boyfriend.

_Boyfriend._

He liked that word.

“I love you.”

Tanaka sighed contentedly, placing a quick peck on Chikara's cheek. “I love you, too.”

 

~~~

 

The next hours passed by too quickly. They hooked up Ryū's laptop to the TV and watched _One Punch Man_ until their stomachs started rumbling. It was Ryū's turn to cook, but they still had some leftovers from the day before, so they heated those up instead of making something new. While they ate, they talked about nothing particularly interesting, at least Ryū couldn't even remember much of the conversation by the end of it, except for the constant bright smile that had lit up Ennoshita's face. Ryū had joked about stealing all of Ennoshita's first, but while they cleaned the dishes he realised that this was the first time he'd felt so comfortable doing something as domestic as this with a partner. All his previous relationships had been too short to reach that stage where having dinner together wasn't anything special anymore. Ennoshita and Ryū had done this so many times already that it was utterly mundane. It wasn't boring though, just comfortable.

Ryū placed the last plate on the drying rack and turned around to face Ennoshita. “So what are we going to do now? I'd suggest a romantic walk through the neighbourhood if it wasn't so hot outside.”

Ennoshita chuckled – he was doing that a lot today – and pointed towards his room. “I'd suggest we put on some good music and cuddle on my bed if that's okay with you.”

“I like the way you think.” Ryū grinned, reached out and took Ennoshita's hand. “Lead the way.”

While Ennoshita looked for a playlist on his laptop, Ryū sat down on his bed. He'd barely ever been in this room since Ennoshita had moved in because they usually spent so much time in the living room together. It certainly suited him well with all the film posters on the walls and the cameras lined up on the shelves.

Ryū leaned his back against the wall, trying not to get too excited over the fact that this was _Ennoshita's bed_ he was sitting on. Ennoshita finally started the music and walked over to the bed, coming to stand right I front of it. Ryū reached out and pulled him towards where he was sitting until Ennoshita was straddling his lap.

“This was not exactly what I had in mind,” Ennoshita mumbled, blushing embarrassedly.

“I'm not gonna do anything you don't like,” Ryū promised. “I just wanna kiss you again.”

Groaning, Ennoshita leaned his forehead against Ryū's. “How are you so calm?”

Ryū laughed. “I'm not calm.” To prove it, he took Ennoshita's hand and placed it on his chest, so he could feel the rapid thumping of his heartbeat. Ennoshita smiled and pressed a chaste kiss on Ryū's lips. It was still a little awkward, their noses bumping together, but Ryū was in too much bliss to care. He'd wanted to have this for months now and finally, _finally_ , he could call himself Ennoshita's boyfriend.

Ryū rested one hand on Ennoshita's hip, the other cupped his face, softly adjusting the angle so their noses wouldn't get in the way anymore. Ryū couldn't have been any happier than this. His entire day had been one giant victory – no more Nakatomi and much more Ennoshita than he could've ever hoped for.

 

~~~

 

Someone else was pressed up against Chikara's back when he woke up. He blinked the sleepiness from his eyes and noticed that he was resting his head on a pretty muscular arm. It took him another ten seconds to realise that it was Tanaka was spooning him. They'd spent the entire rest of the evening in Chikara's bed, making out and cuddling but mostly cuddling, until they'd fallen asleep.

 _I could get used to this._ Carefully, so he wouldn't wake Tanaka, Chikara turned around until he could look at his boyfriend's sleeping face. Tanaka looked peaceful for once. Chikara couldn't resist the urge to touch his fingertips to Tanaka's cheeks. There was a bit of stubble growing in, but it was barely visible. Chikara liked the feeling, but he didn't want to wake Tanaka, so he withdrew his hand again and resumed observing his face. He usually had such sharp features, but sleep softened them quite a bit.

Chikara was ripped from his reverie when Tanaka's phone started going off from somewhere below the blanket.

“Ngh.” Tanaka groggily groped around the bedside table with the hand that wasn't trapped under Chikara before he realised that his phone was in the pocket of his sweatpants. “Why, Ukai-san, why?” he muttered sleepily as he turned off the alarm. He pressed a kiss to the top of Chikara's head and mumbled a soft “G'morning.”

“Good morning. I take it that you have practice today as well?” Chikara asked, sitting up and freeing Tanaka's arm.

“Unfortunately. I'd rather spend the morning in bed with you,” Tanaka sighed. Yawning he dragged himself out of bed, massaging the arm that Chikara had been lying on the whole night. “Next time it's my turn to be the little spoon. My arm feels like it's about to fall off...”

_Yeah, I definitely could get used to this._

 

_~~~_

 

Ryū was overflowing with energy during practice. Partly, because Nakatomi-san wasn't there, but mostly because he thought about the possibility of Ennoshita cheering him on once the tournament came around. He would make sure that Ennoshita could be proud of him when he'd see him on the court, so he threw himself into spiking practice with even more vigour than usual.

“What's gotten into you?” Suga-san asked during a water break. “Are you that happy that we're rid of Nakatomi?”

“Kinda, but mostly I'm happy that I am not single anymore,” Ryū whispered conspiratorially.

“No way!” Suga-san laughed quietly. “So Ennoshita likes you?”

Ryū almost choked on his water. “You can read minds or something,” he wheezed out. Suga-san kept laughing and patted him on the back to help him dislodge the water from his trachea.

“I just know you really well,” Suga-san told him, setting down his water bottle. “Is this what Noya-san was squealing about in the locker room?”

Ryū nodded. He'd wanted to tell his best friend about this new development in person and Noya-san had barely been able to contain his excitement. A day ago, when there was still the possibility of Nakatomi-san overhearing them, Ryū would've never done that in the locker room. But now Daichi-san had taken over the reigns of the club and Ryū was certain that if anyone found out about his relationship with Ennoshita, Daichi-san would not hesitate to defend him from possible snide remarks.

 

~~~

 

Narita was laughing his butt off on the other end of the line. Chikara had wanted to tell someone about what happened the day before and the obvious choices were Narita and Kinoshita.

“Seriously? You just walked in and said 'I love you'?”

“Yes! What's so funny about this?” Chikara demanded to know.

“I always thought actors were the dramatic ones, but Hisashi's theatrics are nothing compared to yours,” Narita chuckled, “or maybe you've watched too many films. But anyway, I'm glad it worked out for you.”

“It certainly did.” Chikara took a look at the clock and sighed. “Well, I need to go to the restaurant now.” His parents might pay for his studies, but Chikara didn't want to rely on them entirely, so he spent most of his breaks working random jobs. “I'll leave it to you to inform Kinoshita about this.”

“Will do.”

 

Coming back from his lunch shift at the restaurant to be greeted by his _boyfriend_ (Chikara still wasn't over the fact that he could call Tanaka that) was like a dream come true. Tanaka was a fountain of affection – from casually linking fingers while they were sitting next to each other over random hugs to lingering kisses that left Chikara breathless, Tanaka always had perfect timing for these things. Chikara could barely keep up with him at times. It felt like he was being swept away by a strong current and it was as exhilarating as it was overwhelming. Chikara really wanted to reciprocate, but he was still so awkward and clumsy about these things while they seemed to come so naturally to Tanaka.

 _I'll get used to it_ , Chikara told himself as he once again found himself sleeping in the same bed as Tanaka. _He's just got more energy than I do. Eventually, I'll catch up with him._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh Ennoshita... That's all easier said than done...


	12. Deserving?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Those who follow me on tumblr will already know this, but this chapter was giving me so much grief @_@ Massive thanks to my friend (who doesn't want to be named) and to [Tsucchi](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Tsucchi/pseuds/Tsucchi) (go read Learning us if you haven't already, because it's pure EnnoTana gold) for the beta!! Love you guys!! 
> 
> Chapter title from [a song by Serj Tankian](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pcpYXsyxvmE)

Floating on cloud nine was nice and all, Ryū certainly enjoyed the way his heart went crazy at the sight of Ennoshita, but he wouldn't let these fluffy feelings blind him to reality. Ennoshita was clearly bothered by something, it was obvious in the way he avoided eye contact and got all quiet sometimes, though Ryū couldn't figure out what the problem was. It couldn't be about their relationship, could it? Ennoshita always reacted in the most adorable ways to Ryū's affection, there was no way he could actually be annoyed by that. Ryū would've just asked him, and he actually _did_ end up asking him, but Ennoshita evaded the question quite skillfully by kissing him senseless before leaving for his part time job.

And now that Ryū was sitting alone in their flat while Ennoshita was waiting tables, he couldn't help but wonder what he could do to ease Ennoshita's worries. Whatever the problem was, he wanted to know about it and if possible remove it from Ennoshita's life because Ryū's boyfriend deserved nothing but happiness.

Sighing, he reached for his phone and opened his conversation with Noya-san

 

To: Noya

> what do you usually do when asahi-san gets all worried on you?

 

From: Noya

> hm...

> it depends on what it's about

 

To: Noya

> i dont know what its about

 

From: Noya

> you're talking about Chikara, right?

> just ask him

 

To: Noya

> already did

> he just kissed me until i couldnt think straight anymore and left for work

 

From: Noya

> when do you ever think straight lol

> maybe he's not actually worried and you're just imagining things?

 

To: Noya

> that joke was lame noya-san. im disappointed

> and i dunno

> something just feels off

 

From: Noya

> hm

> maybe Hisashi and Kazuhito know something?

> they're his best friends after all

 

To: Noya

> theyll laugh at me >_<

 

From: Noya

> suck it up and be a man Ryū

> btw remember to pack jenga for the training camp

> I wanna get my revenge on Kageyama >:D

 

Narita-san and Kinoshita-san didn't end up laughing at Ryū but they also weren't very helpful either. Apparently, Ennoshita hadn't talked to them about anything that bothered him in a while, but they promised Ryū to keep an eye on their friend.

 

~~~

 

Every night Chikara went to sleep snuggling with Tanaka and while he enjoyed the physical closeness, he couldn't shake the feeling that Tanaka was expecting more from him than he was ready to give yet.

Directly after finding out that he was demisexual, Chikara had been on a high. It had felt like he'd finally figured everything out, that he'd just be able to jump right into this relationship without having to worry about anything. That wasn't the case, though. He did like Tanaka and he did want to have sex with him. _Eventually_. The problem was that Chikara couldn't tell when he'd actually be ready for it and he was scared that he'd be dumped if he made Tanaka wait too long. Chikara, however, didn't want to let go of Tanaka, not after experiencing how wonderful it felt to have his feelings reciprocated for once.

And right in the middle of all of these confusing emotions, Tanaka had to go away for a short training camp in Miyagi. Ever since Chikara had moved in with him they'd seen each other every day, so it felt strange to say goodbye to him in the morning, knowing that he wouldn't be back for dinner.

“I'll miss you,” Tanaka said, pouting slightly.

“It's only for three days. You'll be back on Sunday,” Chikara reminded him. He kept up a calm façade, although he already knew that the flat would feel lonely without Tanaka. “And don't worry about answering my texts, I know you'll be busy. Just reply whenever you find the time to do it.”

Tanaka sighed and wrapped his arms around Chikara's shoulders. “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” Chikara said, enjoying the warmth one last time. “Please take care of yourself and don't do anything stupid just because someone dared you to do it.”

Tanaka laughed. “I'll try.”

They shared one last brief kiss and then Tanaka left.

 

~~~

 

The team arrived at the lodge around noon. They were given one hour for lunch before training started. Ukai-san and Shimada-san tortured them with circuit training at first, before having them run up and down a steep mountain path. By the time dinner came around, Ryū's legs were about to give out. They all ate with a lot of gusto before retiring to their rooms.

The first and second years shared one room and the third and fourth years another one. Noya-san was a little disappointed that he would be separated from Asahi-san, but he didn't let that keep him from having fun. After five exciting Jenga duels between Noya-san and Kageyama (Kageyama won all of them as usual), Noya-san and Ryū started telling the first years about last years tournament. He only stopped when he heard the familiar chime of his phone.

“Let me check that real quick,” he said and unlocked his phone. Just as he'd thought – it was a message from Ennoshita.

 

From: Ennoshita <3

> How was the first day at camp?

 

To: Ennoshita <3

> im exhausted @_@ but it was fun!

 

“Who are you texting, Tanaka-senpai?” Hinata asked curiously. “Is it your girlfriend?”

Ryū laughed. He would've loved to tell him the truth. But although Nakatomi-san had left, the other fourth years were still there and he didn't quite trust them to remain civil after finding out about his relationship. “It's my flatmate. I don't have a girlfriend.” _But I do have a boyfriend who happens to be my flatmate._

“Oh! Tell Chikara I said hi,” Noya-san said, grinning knowingly.

 

To: Ennoshita <3

> noya-san wants me to tell you he said hi

> and the first years are hanging on our every word

 

From: Ennoshita <3

> I hope you're not bragging too much :P

 

To: Ennoshita <3

> its a reasonable amount of bragging

 

From: Ennoshita <3

> I don't believe you

 

Ryū chose to ignore that text.

 

To: Ennoshita <3

> what have you been up to today?

 

From: Ennoshita <3

> Nothing much yet

> Narita and I are about to meet up with Takeda-sensei and his friend now to discuss the film festival and get the free tickets we were promised

 

To: Ennoshita <3

> will i get one too?

 

From: Ennoshita <3

> I'll make it happen

 

~~~

 

It was Chikara's first time setting foot in a gay bar and it was nothing like he would've imagined, mostly because it looked like a pretty normal bar if you ignored the fact that the only couples in the crowd were either gay or lesbian.

“Narita-kun, Ennoshita-kun! Over here!” Takeda-sensei shouted and waved, already sitting at a table on the other side of the room.

Chikara and Narita went to sit with him.

“Good evening, Sensei,” they said almost in unison.

“Good evening, you two,” he replied, smiling as always. “Mori-san will be joining us shortly. Why don't you have a look at the menu in the meantime?”

They flicked through the menu until they found the non-alcoholic drinks. Technically Narita was already allowed to drink, but he didn't want to leave a bad impression with the professor and the owner of the bar.

“Have you been enjoying your break so far?” Takeda-sensei asked after a waiter had taken their orders. Chikara was glad that he took the initiative because he had no idea how to talk to a professor outside of university.

“I went to visit my family for a couple of days, but other than that it's been rather uneventful for me personally.” Narita grinned at Chikara who ignored him deliberately. He didn't need to tell his professor that he'd ended up dating his flatmate.

“It was nice so far, though I spent a lot of time working.”

“Don't overdo it, Ennoshita-kun,” Takeda-sensei said sagely. “You should also take some time to relax.” Then he seemed to have spotted someone. “Ah! There's Mori-san.”

Mori-san was a tall man with a youthful face and curly brown hair. Just like his bar, he appeared to be utterly generic on the outside and Chikara would've never guessed that he was the owner of a gay bar in Ni-chōme if he'd met him out on the street. They'd actually almost walked right past the bar when they came here because it practically disappeared between the flashier ones around it. But its normalcy was probably the appeal of this place.

“Hello, everyone,” Mori-san said, setting down a tray with their drinks in front of them. “You must be Narita-kun and Ennoshita-kun.”

“Good evening, my name is Ennoshita Chikara.”

“And I'm Narita Kazuhito. It's a pleasure to meet you, Mori-san.”

“The pleasure is all mine!” Mori-san said, sitting down next to Takeda-sensei. “Takeda-san showed me your film and it's fantastic! I'm really excited to finally get some new talent for my film festival. Most of the creators I work with have already established their place in our community quite firmly, but we'll need fresh ideas if we want to keep things interesting.”

They started out talking about logistics. Mori-san told them that the festival would be spread out over three bars in Ni-chōme, that each of them would show three films and then hold a little after-party. Narita and Chikara's film would be shown at Mori-san's bar.

“Usually we don't let people under the age of twenty attend the parties, but we'll make an exception for you and your guests. As long as nobody who's underage touches the alcohol it should be fine,” Mori-san said. “Is there anyone besides the actresses you would like to invite?”

“Well, we'd like to bring our boyfriends if possible,” Narita said.

“Oh, so you're not together then?” Mori-san looked a little surprised.

“Narita and I are just friends!” Chikara replied hastily. “No offence, Narita, but... no. Just no.”

_That would be way too weird._

“None taken. I wouldn't date you either. That would be like dating my brother.” That described Chikara's feelings really well.

“Sorry, I shouldn't have assumed,” Mori-san apologised. “Well, I can certainly give you tickets for your boyfriends as well.”

“You also have a boyfriend, Ennoshita-kun?” Takeda-sensei asked curiously.

“Erm, it's a rather recent development, but yes.” Chikara quickly took a sip of his orange soda, hoping that it might cool his face down again.

“Ah, the joys of young love.”

“You're not that much older, Mori-san,” Takeda-sensei reminded him. Mori-san waved his comment away with a flick of his wrist and resumed talking about the planning of the festival.

“We'll need short biographies of you two for our website and the flyers. I'll give you my e-mail address, so if you could write three or four sentences about yourselves and send them to me that would be great...”

 

Coming home to an empty, dark flat felt lonely. Chikara kicked off his shoes, dragged himself into his room and flopped down on his bed. The sheets still smelled faintly like Tanaka which was comforting. He curled up, pressing his face into the pillow that Tanaka had been using the past couple of days. Chikara missed him. He craved Tanaka's warm embrace and the way he'd happily blabber on and on about volleyball and how he definitely wants to be club adviser for the volleyball club once he becomes a middle school teacher. Chikara would've loved to tell him all about the meeting with Mori-san and Takeda-sensei. He wanted to share his excitement with him.

Sighing, Chikara got up and went to the bathroom to get ready for bed. While he brushed his teeth he realised how _quiet_ the flat was without Tanaka. There was no random singing of anime theme songs or insisting on “Ennoshita you need to see this cute photo of a dog in a costume!”

Upon returning to his room he undressed and wanted to go to his closet to pick a t-shirt to sleep in, but on his way there he caught sight of shirt that was draped haphazardly on the backrest of his chair. It was one of Tanaka's.

Chikara hesitated for a moment, but eventually grabbed it and pulled it over his head. He and Tanaka were roughly the same size, so it fit him quite well. Most importantly though, it smelled like Tanaka.

 _I'm never going to tell him about this_ , Chikara decided, feeling embarrassed although there was nobody to see him and judge him for putting on his boyfriend's clothes on the first night they had to spend apart. He lay back down on his bed and took comfort in the fact that Tanaka would be back soon.

 

Chikara didn't know what was worse – falling asleep without Tanaka or waking up without him. The only positive thing about this entire situation was that Chikara didn't have to wake up at 6 a.m. because Tanaka had morning practice to attend. But getting up early would've been a small price to pay for Tanaka's presence.

 

~~~

 

The next day was dedicated to practice matches with university teams from Miyagi. One of the first year middle-blockers from Sendai University kind of reminded Ryū of Saeko-nee's boyfriend, at least in appearance, but he was one salty motherfucker and not even half as nice as Akiteru-san.

“'I'm-all-fired-up'-san can't even get a spike past a first-year,” he said with a mean glint in his eyes. “How sad.”

“You wanna fight me?” Ryū asked, ready to wipe that stupid smirk right off his face, but Daichi-san had already grabbed him by his shirt and was pulling him away from the net.

“Don't rise to his insults.”

“Sorry, Daichi-san...”

They resumed their positions and awaited the serve from the Sendai team. Daichi-san received it with ease, sending it right to where Kageyama was, who then tossed it straight to Asahi-san. The salty four-eyes barely managed to block him.

One of the older students from Sendai shouted, “Nice one, Tsukishima-kun!”

_This can't be true._

“Hey, you with the glasses,” Ryū said, needing to confirm his suspicion, “you don't happen to have a brother called Akiteru who lives in Tokyo?”

“I do. What's it to you?”

“He's dating my sister.”

Tsukishima stared at him blankly. “That doesn't mean I'm gonna let your spikes go through.”

_Ugh, this guy is a pain._

 

~~~

 

From: Tanaka Ryūnosuke

> i met akiteru-sans little brother today

> hes a real pain in the ass

 

To: Tanaka Ryūnosuke

> Is he also on a university team?

 

From: Tanaka Ryūnosuke

> yeah. sendai. the first years werent there when we played against them in tokyo so i only met him today

> at least we won against them again, though we lost against the other team

> but its my turn to use the bath now

> ttyl

> i love you <3

 

To: Tanaka Ryūnosuke

> I love you too

 

Chikara sighed and put his phone away. He was wearing Tanaka's shirt again, but the smell had become fainter. Chikara wanted the next evening to come as quickly as possible because then he would finally have the real thing back.

This distance made him feel nervous, but maybe nervous was the wrong word to describe the sensation in Chikara's stomach. It was more of a general feeling of unease, but that description didn't quite cut it either. Chikara just didn't have words for what was going on inside of him. This was all new to him and figuring out how to deal with it was hard. The text messages helped a little, but Chikara would've preferred to hear Tanaka's voice. Calling him didn't seem like a good option though since Tanaka's teammates might get suspicious then.

_Just come back home already..._

 

~~~

 

Coming home from training camp, Ryū was greeted by the smell of food wafting through the air as soon as he opened the door.

“I'm home!” he announced loudly, setting down his stuff in the entryway and kicking off his shoes.

“Welcome back,” Ennoshita said, hastily putting down the spatula and rushing over to Ryū who awaited him with open arms.

“I missed you,” Ryū whispered while Ennoshita snuggled close to him. It felt really good to be back.

“I missed you, too,” Ennoshita mumbled against Ryū's neck and tightened his grip on him. Following a sudden burst of inspiration, Ryū lifted him up – “What the fuck are you doing?!” – and carried him over to the kitchenette.

“What's for dinner?” he asked, as he set his boyfriend down in front of the stove. Ennoshita rolled his eyes, but there was a tinge of amusement in his voice as he explained that he was making curry.

“Mmmh, I like your curry.”

“I know. That's why I'm making it.”

 

~~~

 

There it was again, that current that swept Chikara away and made him shiver with anticipation for what was to come. After dinner, they'd sat down on the couch to talk about their weekends, though the conversation was quickly abandoned in favour of making out. Tanaka was sitting in Chikara's lap, cradling his face in his hands and kissing him passionately. Chikara barely knew what to do with his own hands, so he just let them wander aimlessly across Tanaka's back, appreciating the muscles that hours of volleyball practice had built up. To Chikara they were a testament to his dedication and it was that dedication that made Tanaka who he was.

Chikara traced the outline of Tanaka's shoulder blades and a shudder ran through Tanaka's body.

“Holy shit, do that again,” Tanaka whispered breathlessly. Chikara repeated the movement, causing a low rumbling sound to escape Tanaka's throat. Chikara was fascinated and a little scared at the same time. It felt great to know that he was able to be the cause of these reactions in Tanaka, but he had no idea where this would lead them.

Tanaka leaned down again, capturing Chikara's lips in another kiss that was all gentle nipping of teeth and licks of the tongue. His hands wandered lower, gently stroking over Chikara's jaw and neck down to his collar bones. Chikara's pulse was going wild, the butterflies in his stomach were running amok and his skin prickled wherever Tanaka touched it. Almost on instinct one of his hands moved up, travelling over buzzed hair until he reached the soft longer strands and could twist his fingers in it.

“Mmh...” Tanaka hummed appreciatively, moving his lips away from Chikara's, trailing them over his jaw to his ear, whispering a breathless “I love you.”

Chikara was so close to being swallowed up by the current, so close to drowning in these sensations and feelings. But he was scared. What if they went too far? He didn't want sex yet. He wasn't mentally prepared.

_But what if I stop him one too many times? What if he gets fed up with me?_

 

~~~

 

Something was incredibly _wrong_. Ryū noticed how Ennoshita tensed up and immediately pulled away. Ennoshita's eyes were blown wide with obvious fear.

“What's wrong?” Ennoshita opened his mouth, but no words came out. Ryū's heart ached at the obvious discomfort of his boyfriend. “Did I do something wrong?”

Ennoshita shook his head, biting his lower lip. “I...” his voice was shaky, rough and barely raised above a whisper, “I'm scared.”

 _Huh?_ “What are you scared of?” Ryū didn't understand what was going on, but he would make an effort to find out. Ennoshita was supposed to be happy and comfortable. _I'm not gonna let anything hurt him._

But he shook his head again. Tears were welling up in Ennoshita's eyes and Ryū just _knew_ that he must've fucked up somehow. “Do you want me to...” Ryū tried to get off Ennoshita's lap, but his boyfriend was having none of that and wrapped his arms around his torso, burying his face in his chest.

“Please don't leave me,” he choked out. “Please don't break up with me!”

_What the fuck?!?!_

“Why would I break up with you? I don't want to break up with you! Please don't say that,” Ryū said, unable to keep the panic out of his voice. He had to do _something_ , but how could he if he didn't know what was even going on anymore?! “Come on, Ennoshita, please just tell me what's wrong. I love you, okay? I won't be angry or anything.”

“I'm scared... that... you will leave me,” Ennoshita said, the sentence punctuated with quiet sobs that pulled at Ryū's heartstrings and made his protective instincts kick in.

“I gathered as much, but why?”

“Because I'm... I'm not ready... yet.”

“Ready for what?”

“F-for s-sex,” Ennoshita stuttered out, tightening his grip on Ryū.

 _So this is what this is about._ Ryū heaved a sigh of relief. He could deal with this. “I can wait,” he assured confidently.

“But for how long?” Ennoshita asked with a desperate tinge to his voice.

“I'll wait until you're ready. Obviously.” Ryū patted Ennoshita's head, softly ruffling his hair. “I might not look like it, but I can be pretty patient.”

“But you deserve better than this,” Ennoshita whispered, barely audible, but Ryū had always had exceptional hearing.

“What could be better than this?” he asked, carefully removing Ennoshita's arms from around his chest so that he could look him in the eyes. They were swollen from all the tears he'd shed. “I love you, Chikara. I'm happy that you're even _considering_ having sex with me. We can take this as slow as you want.”

“Won't you get bored with me?” Ennoshita's brown eyes were glittering with tears but they were still beautiful.

“Not likely,” he said, softly wiping the trail of tears off of Ennoshita's cheeks. “Making out with you is kind of amazing. And there are still so many things besides sex that we haven't tried! We haven't even gone on a proper date yet!”

Ennoshita sighed and leaned his head against the backrest of the couch. “I don't know how much time I'll need...”

“So what? Sex is not gonna be any fun for me if you're not comfortable with it,” Ryū explained patiently. “If I do anything that you're not comfortable with, you can just tell me and I'll stop immediately. I won't mind.”

 

~~~

 

Chikara was overwhelmed by another flood of emotions, but this time around they made his heart soar instead of causing tears. Tanaka Ryūnosuke was too good to be real, but here he was, sitting in Chikara's lap and saying exactly the right things to calm him down.

“I'm sorry for doubting you,” Chikara sighed exhaustedly, rubbing at his face to remove the last traces of his tears.

“Don't apologise,” Tanaka said, leaning forward to place a kiss on Chikara's forehead. Then he got up. “I'll make us some tea and then we can watch My Neighbour Totoro if you want.”

_He knows me way too well._

 

That night Chikara fell asleep in Tanaka's arms again and when he woke up to the sound of Tanaka's alarm he smiled.

 


	13. Alles wegen dir

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have some fluff to make up for that last chapter!  
> Title roughly translates to "Everything is happening because of you" and is taken from [a song by Kraftklub](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=excVFQ2TWig).

Ukai-san had given them a day off from practice for once and Ryū wanted to use the opportunity to take Ennoshita out on their first actual date. As nerve-wracking as Ennoshita's breakdown had been, they came out of it a lot stronger. Ennoshita was a lot more vocal about his wants and needs now, which made things infinitely easier for both of them.

“Maybe we could have dinner at that Italian place near campus? Noya-san said that the food there is delicious,” Ryū suggested.

“Sounds good to me. I haven't had pasta in a while,” Ennoshita said, holding up a t-shirt with black and white stripes. “I've been doing my own laundry for almost two years now and I still don't know if things like this go with the light or dark colours.”

“I don't know either, to be honest.”

Ennoshita laughed and threw it on the pile with the dark clothes. “We'll see what happens.”

Sighing contentedly, Ryū watched his boyfriend sort his laundry.

Ennoshita held up a black shirt with white kanji for the Tokyo University Volleyball Club on the back.

“Hey, that's mine, isn't it? Why is it in your laundry basket?” Ryū asked with raised eyebrows.

Ennoshita sheepishly scratched the back of his head, a blush creeping up on his face. “Uh... You left it lying around in my room before you went to Miyagi... And I...” His voice was getting quieter and quieter. “I ended up sleeping in it because I missed you...”

Now it was Ryū's turn to blush, because his brain immediately supplied him with the image of Ennoshita wearing _nothing but that t-shirt_ , which was highly unlikely, but also hot as hell. His heart couldn't take this. Ennoshita was way too freaking perfect and one day he would give Ryū a heart attack.

“I lo–”

Ryū never got a chance to finish that sentence, because they heard the sound of keys turning in their lock. Ennoshita stared at Ryū with an alarmed look on his face and Ryū stared back with an equal amount of terror until he remembered that he and Noya-san had given Saeko-nee a spare key when they moved into this flat.

“Ryū-chaaan!” She burst into the flat and held up her hand. “Look!”

Ryū looked. There was a ring on her finger.

“Huh?”

“Akiteru and I are getting married!” she squealed happily. “You are going to be my best man!”

Ryū blinked, slowly trying to figure out what was happening right now, but all he could think of was, “Aren't you supposed to have bridesmaids or something?” He honestly wasn't sure how wedding ceremonies worked, since he'd still been a child when he last attended one.

“I don't want bridesmaids I want you to be my best man,” she shot back, rolling her eyes as if her request was the most normal thing in the world, but then she spotted Ennoshita and a huge grin broke out across her face. “Oooh! If it isn't Ryū-chan's new boyfriend! I hope he's not giving you too much trouble, Ennoshita-kun?”

“Uh, no, he's very considerate,” Ennoshita replied, slowly getting up from his kneeling position on the floor. “Congratulations on your engagement, Tanaka-san.”

“Aaaw thanks! But I already told you that you can call me Saeko,” Saeko-nee wrapped an arm around his shoulders, seemingly unaware of the alarmed look on Ennoshita's face. “Ryū-chan, you need to keep this one. He's so polite and cute!”

“I'm quite aware of that,” Ryū mumbled. Why did his sister have to be so embarrassing? Just... why? “Could you maybe let go of him, I think you're making him uncomfortable.”

“Oh, I'm sorry!” She laughed, letting go of Ennoshita and turning back to Ryū. “So are you going to be my best man or what?”

“It's not like I have a choice,” he quipped, grinning at his older sister.

“Come here, you little shit!” Before Ryū had time to duck she'd already put him in a headlock and started rubbing the top of his head. “You should be honoured!”

Ryū laughed, struggling against her hold. “I am! I was just joking!”

Saeko-nee seamlessly turned the headlock into a hug. Ryū hugged her back fiercely. No matter how many times she embarrassed him, she was still the best older sister he could wish for. “I'm happy for you.”

 

~~~

 

Chikara watched the siblings mess around and couldn't help the smile that tugged at the corner of his mouth. Chikara had already noticed when they'd watched Tanaka's practice match together, but now it was even more obvious that Saeko-san was a force to be reckoned with and that she loved her little brother to bits.

“We want to keep the festivities relatively small,” Saeko-san explained once she was done harassing Tanaka. “Just our closest friends and family. That includes you, by the way, Ennoshita-kun. Once you start dating a Tanaka sibling you are a part of the family, whether you want to or not.”

That was a nice sentiment. In theory. In reality, Chikara was scared of the implications of Saeko-san's statement – he would have to meet Tanaka's parents. He forced a smile anyway, not wanting to burden her with his worries. He'd talk to Tanaka about this later when they were alone again.

 

“You're thinking about something again,” Tanaka noticed several hours later after the waitress at the Italian restaurant had taken their order.

Chikara sighed. “What gave me away?”

“I mean, you're not the most talkative person in general, but you're even quieter when you worry.” Tanaka shrugged. “Care to tell me what's on your mind?”

“Your parents are going to be at the wedding,” Chikara said.

“And?” Tanaka had a slightly puzzled look on his face that was kinda endearing.

“Well... I'm a guy, you are dating me... Won't they be bothered by that?” Chikara's parents would certainly be bothered if they should ever find out about his relationship with Tanaka. He doubted that they'd disown him or anything that drastic, but he could already hear his mother complaining about not getting any grandchildren and his father would probably think that he was doing it to piss him off. Chikara's relationship with them was quite strained already, so he didn't plan on telling them anytime soon.

“Nah, that won't be a problem,” Tanaka said confidently. “I told you about my ex, Eishi-kun, didn't I?”

Chikara nodded, grinning at the memory of a story Nishinoya had told him some days ago. “That was the one who threw up on Nishinoya's shoes at the amusement park, right?”

“Yeah, that one. Honestly, he should've told me that he wasn't good with roller coasters.” Tanaka sighed and shook his head. “But anyway – I introduced him to my parents. Nee-san buttered them up for me beforehand to make sure that they wouldn't be too shocked and they ended up not treating him any differently than my two ex-girlfriends.”

“Oh.” Well, that did make the prospect of meeting Tanaka's parents at the wedding a lot less uncomfortable.

 

~~~

 

The break was coming to an end, which meant that soon it would be time for the film festival and the first round of the university volleyball tournament. While Ryū was looking forward to both events with a lot of excitement, especially the tournament, Ennoshita approached them with a more serious attitude. He and Narita were already making plans for how to best approach the other directors that would be present at the festival, so they might be able to do some networking.

“Mori-san sent me a PDF of the flyers they are passing out,” Ennoshita said one morning, turning his laptop so that Ryū could take a look at the screen.

He immediately spotted Ennoshita's and Narita's names next to the title of their film.

“' _Chance encounter_ by Narita Kazuhito and Ennoshita Chikara. A short film about two girls who literally run into each other at a bus stop. Ennoshita and Narita are undergrad film students at Tokyo University and have been working together since their high school days',” Ryū read out loud. “Aah, I can't wait to finally see it.”

“I could always show it to you on our TV,” Ennoshita offered, but Ryū shook his head. He wanted to see it the way it was meant to be seen – projected onto a proper screen.

“Well, I need to go to practice now.”

“Send me a text once you know when it ends,” Ennoshita reminded Ryū. They needed to buy suits for Saeko-nee's wedding. She probably wouldn't even mind if her best man showed up in t-shirt and jeans, but Ryū already knew that his mum and dad would blow a fuse if he did that.

“Will do.” He grabbed his bag and kissed the top of Ennoshita's head on his way out.

 

The first thing Ryū did after arriving at the gym, was looking for Daichi-san to ask for how long they were going to practice that day.

“We'll have to clear the gym for the women's team around ten o'clock,” Daichi-san said. “Why are you asking?”

“I have plans with my boy–” – Ryū almost bit his tongue off in an attempt to save that sentence – “erm with my flatmate.”

Daichi-san nodded knowingly and patted Ryū on the back. “Sounds nice.”

 

To: Ennoshita <3

> well be done by 10

 

From: Ennoshita <3

> I'll wait for you outside the gym

 

Ryū couldn't help the happy little smile that formed on his face as he put away his phone and started getting dressed for practice.

“Honestly, this is getting disgusting,” Kuroo-san said, frowning. “None of your past relationships turned you into such a mess.”

“I think it's cute.” Suga-san pinched Ryū's cheek. Ryū immediately tried to swat his senpai's hand away, but Suga-san wouldn't have any of it and started ruffling his hair. “Are they going to cheer for us at the tournament?”

“They said they would,” Ryū replied, finally managing to shove Suga-san away. He didn't like that he had to be so secretive around his team, but at least his closest friends had found out about his relationship now. “Man, just thinking about the tournament gets me all fired up!”

“That's the spirit, Ryū!” Noya-san chimed in and soon the entire locker room was filled with excited shouting and laughter.

 

~~~

 

It was the Friday right before term started and Chikara was staring at the insides of his closet with despair rising inside of him. He should've thought of what he was supposed to wear to the film festival beforehand, but now it was too late and he only had an hour left before they had to leave the flat. Usually, he didn't pay that much attention to his clothes, but he was about to meet some of his favourite indie directors – namely Haiba Alisa and Shirofuku Yukie – and he wanted to leave a good first impression with them.

“Just wear that blue button-down,” Tanaka suggested. He was sitting on Chikara's bed, wearing nothing but boxer shorts and a towel around his neck.

“You should get dressed as well,” Chikara said, although he had learnt to appreciate Tanaka's preference for going shirtless whenever the chance presented itself. That way Chikara had plenty of opportunities to ogle those abs _– No, don't even think about it now, you need to get ready._

Following Tanaka's advice, he grabbed his blue shirt and a pair of black jeans.

Turning around, he saw Tanaka with his arms folded behind his head, leaning against the wall. The biggest grin was stretched across his face. Chikara knew exactly what he was thinking.

“I'm not going to put on a show for you,” he told him sternly.

“I don't need a striptease to appreciate you getting undressed,” Tanaka replied matter-of-factly.

Rolling his eyes, Chikara took off his t-shirt and threw it at Tanaka's face in the same movement. “You're an idiot.”

_But I love you anyway._

 

Narita and Kinoshita had to change trains to get from their flat to Shinjuku, so they met up with Tanaka and Chikara at the station near their house.

“Holy shit, I'm so nervous,” Narita mumbled as they got on the train together.

Kinoshita pulled a grimace. “Please stop squeezing my hand, I can't feel my fingers anymore!”

Chikara wished that he had the guts to hold Tanaka's hand in public, but just thinking about the possibility that a member of the volleyball club might see them was enough to make him keep his distance. He didn't want to make Tanaka's life unnecessarily harder after all.

“Ennoshita spent half an hour trying to figure out what to wear,” Tanaka said, smirking teasingly.

“Well, I don't want to look like a complete idiot today. That would be pretty counterproductive.”

“At least you're not trying to turn your boyfriend's hand into pulp,” Kinoshita grumbled, forcefully removing his hand from Narita's grip. Narita made a pathetic sound of protest and held onto Kinoshita's shirt instead.

Chikara could feel his phone vibrate in his pocket as he received a message from Kiyoko-san.

 

From: Kiyoko Shimizu

> Yacchan and I are waiting for you guys at the station

 

To: Kiyoko Shimizu

> We'll be there in 5mins

 

~~~

 

If seeing Kiyoko-san at her workplace was a blessing, seeing her all dressed up for the film festival was a miracle that sent Ryū's head spinning. Red lipstick accentuated her full lips, and that navy blue dress hugged her curves in a way that was still classy but also very sexy. The only things that kept Ryū from making a fool of himself were Ennoshita's presence and the pretty blonde girl that was holding on to Kiyoko-san's hand with as much desperation as Narita-san had held on to Kinoshita-san's during the train ride to Shinjuku. And yet Ryū could not say nothing.

“Kiyoko-san! Beautiful as ever!”

“Tanaka,” she said, greeting him curtly.

 _She remembered my name!_ Ryū definitely had to tell Noya-san about this later. (In his excitement he barely noticed how she greeted the others a lot more warmly.)

The petite blonde was introduced to Ryū and Kinoshita as Yachi Hitoka and she was clearly intimidated by all the tall people that were surrounding her, so Ryū decided to keep a little distance from her so he wouldn't scare her too much.

As they made their way towards Mori-san's bar, Ryū noticed that they drew less and less attention the nearer they came to Ni-chōme. Narita-san had gone back to holding Kinoshita-san's hand and Yachi-san had never let go of Kiyoko-san's, but in Ni-chōme they weren't the only gay and lesbian couples anymore.

Ryū looked over to Ennoshita who was walking next to him, hands hanging loosely at his sides. Ryū never held hands with his ex-boyfriend in public, he hadn't even considered it, but the thought of lacing his fingers with Ennoshita was too tempting.

“Wanna hold hands?” he asked quietly so the others wouldn't hear.

Ennoshita raised an eyebrow. “You sure? What if one of your teammates sees?”

“I highly doubt that anyone besides Noya-san and Asahi-san would come to Ni-chōme.”

“True enough,” Ennoshita conceded and took hold of Ryū's outstretched hand.

“Aaaaw, you two are adorable,” Kinoshita-san said teasingly.

“Oh, shut up,” Ennoshita muttered, but he was grinning like an idiot.

 

~~~

 

They showed their tickets at the entrance of the bar. Stepping inside, Chikara noticed the drastic changes Mori-san and his staff had made to accommodate the film festival. All the tables had been pushed towards the walls and the chairs had been lined up in rows in front of a large white screen.

“Ah! There you are!” Mori-san exclaimed as he spotted the group. He was standing with two women who couldn't have looked more dissimilar. One of them was almost as tall as Ennoshita himself, her hair was light blond and her most striking feature were her eyes – one was blue and the other a light brown. Ennoshita immediately recognised her as Haiba Alisa, since he had subscribed to her YouTube channel for a couple of years now. Shirofuku Yukie was a lot less flashy in appearance with her reddish brown hair and slightly sleepy eyes, but there was something about her smile that was immediately endearing.

“Sirofuku, Haiba, these are Ennoshita-kun and Narita-kun,” Mori-san introduced them.

Chikara bowed his head respectfully. “It's a pleasure to meet you. I'm a big fan of your work.”

“The pleasure is ours!” Haiba-san assured him.

“Mori-san already told us about your film. I'm definitely looking forward to it,” Shirofuku-san added.

“Well, I need to check in with my staff real quick,” Mori-san said and then pointed at the rows of chairs in the front. “Those are reserved for you guys and your guests, just so you know.”

As the official start of the screenings drew nearer the bar began to fill with people. Chikara's palms were starting to sweat, but Tanaka never let go of his hand while they chatted with Haiba-san and Shirofuku-san.

 

~~~

 

By the time the first film started the bar was stuffed with people. Those who hadn't been able to get a chair were pressed up against the wall in the back of the room. Ryū was glad that Mori-san had reserved some seats for their group because the films by Haiba-san and Shirofuku-san were both an hour long. He liked them well enough, especially Shirofuku-san's documentary about the life of transgender athletes struck him as interesting, but he couldn't wait for Ennoshita and Narita's short film. Next to him, Ennoshita was nervously fidgeting with the seam of his shirt as the title of his film appeared on the screen in front of them.

Ryū squeezed his hand reassuringly before turning his focus to the film.

 

***

 

_At a busy intersection in Shinjuku, a blond young woman crosses the road. She comes to stand at a bus stop and looks down at her phone when suddenly a dark-haired beauty bumps into her. She quickly bows her head in apology and then rushes away. The blond girl stares after her with wonder glittering in her eyes._

_In the evening the blond girl gets off the bus at the same intersection and her eyes go wide as she spots the dark-haired woman from earlier. The camera zooms out as they strike up a conversation that is drowned out by the cars and people around them._

_The film cuts to a split-screen of two bedrooms, where the two women sit on their beds, texting on their phones. A close-up of a phone reveals that they are making plans to meet up at a café in Shibuya._

_What follows is a montage of what appears to be several dates. They meet at different cafés and restaurants, go shopping together and take photos in a booth at the shopping centre._

_The blond girl sits on her bed again, staring at one of the photos and then pressing it against her chest with a bright smile on her face. The dark-haired girl sticks one of the photos to her mirror and places another one in her wallet._

_They meet again, this time at a park. They feed the ducks in the pond and laugh together. The dark-haired girl leans down and whispers something into the smaller girls ear, which makes her jaw drop in surprise. Tentatively, they lace their fingers together and the camera zooms in on their smiling faces before everything fades to black._

 

***

 

An involuntary smile crept onto Ryū's face as he watched the credits roll. That was probably the most relatable love story he had ever seen on film, and his ex-girlfriends had both constantly dragged him to see cheesy chick flicks.

“So... what do you think?” Ennoshita asked quietly.

“It's amazing,” Ryū replied truthfully. Ennoshita heaved a sigh of relief and pressed a kiss on Ryū's cheek.

“Thanks.”

 

At the after-party a bunch of people came to talk to Narita-san and Ennoshita. The reactions to their film were overwhelmingly positive, especially Haiba-san kept raving about Kiyoko-san's and Yachi's performance.

“Perfect! Absolutely perfect!” she said, making Yachi blush furiously.

But Ryū was mostly focused on his boyfriend who was so busy talking to people that he barely had time to get himself something to eat at the buffet that had been set up in a corner of the room let alone go to the bar to order something to drink.

“Should I get you something from the bar?” Ryū offered. Ennoshita answered with a desperate nod.

“Could you bring me a coke? I think I need the caffeine.”

“Sure.”

Ryū made his way through the crowded room, apologising and trying not to step on peoples' toes, until he reached the bar. He tried to flag down the bartender, but the guy next to him was faster.

“I'll have a draft beer,” a familiar voice said.

“Ukai-san?!”

The volleyball coach flinched and turned his head, eyes widening with terror as he recognised Ryū. “What the fuck are you doing here, Tanaka?”

“Uh.” _Holy shit. Holy shit, what is_ he _doing here?_ “Well... My, uh... My boyfriend directed that last film.”

“Your... Oh.” Ukai-san sighed. “That explains your row with Nakatomi.”

“Yeah. Uh... May I ask why you are here?” Ryū asked cautiously, but before Ukai-san could answer the bartender brought Ukai-san's beer and asked for Ryū's order.

“Two cokes, please!”

Ukai-san took a deep gulp of beer and set it down on the bar in front of him. “You're going to keep your mouth shut about this, right?”

“Only if you don't tell anyone about me, too.”

Ukai-san sighed. “I'm a regular here and my boyfriend is a bit of a film nerd, so we came here together.” He pointed at a dark-haired guy that was currently talking to Haiba-san. Ryū had trouble seeing him properly in the semi-darkness of the room, but he was ninety percent sure that that was Ennoshita's professor.

“That's Takeda-sensei, isn't it?” Ryū asked, just to make sure.

“You know him?” Ukai-san seemed surprised.

“Yeah, he's my boyfriend's professor.”

That made Ukai-san laugh. “What a small world.”

 

~~~

 

Chikara left the bar with a stack of business cards and a satisfying warmth in his stomach. All of his and Narita's efforts had finally paid off. Mori-san had made it sound like he wanted to invite them to next years festival again and Shirofuku-san had given him and Narita her contact details.

“Honestly, this was the second best day of my life,” Chikara told Tanaka on their way back to their flat.

“What was the best day?” Tanaka asked curiously.

“The day I asked you out, obviously.”

Tanaka turned his head to make sure that nobody was watching and leaned in for a kiss. Chikara wrapped his arms around his neck and met him halfway.

He couldn't accurately describe what he felt in that moment – it was something between contented bliss and giddy excitement – but he knew that Tanaka would understand even without words.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for all your lovely comments, they litterally make my day <3  
> We're also slowly approaching the end of this fic. You can expect 2 or 3 more chapters, depending on how I manage to pace the rest of the story!


	14. Midnight Gold

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this is the longest chapter in the entire fic, but I didn't want to break it into two parts, because that would've messed up the pacing. Just a little side note, since not all of you might be familiar with it: "Todai" is short for "Tokyo daigaku" or Tokyo University  
> Title from [this song by Young Georgian Lolitaz](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y5VynlW6Xeo)

Chikara's grip tightened on the railing as he watched Tanaka jump up into the air. There were two blockers in front of him, but his spike broke through their outstretched hands and smacked down on the court behind them.

The ref blew the whistle, announcing the end of the game. Tokyo University would go on to the next round of the tournament.

“Yes! Tanaka!” Chikara yelled loudly, but his voice was drowned out by the clapping and cheering around him. Next to him, Saeko-san was telling anybody who would listen that that wing spiker down there was her little brother.

 

~~~

 

Winning was always intoxicating, but being the one to score the last point of the match made Ryū feel like he could fly.

“That was an outstanding performance by all of you. Your receives were solid and your offence nearly unstoppable,” Ukai-san said as the team huddled around him in the hallway. “Stay concentrated and warm. We'll meet again in two hours for the next match. Our opponents will be Tohoku University.”

“Thank you, Coach,” Daichi-san said loudly and the rest of them followed suit.

As the team dispersed, Ukai-san walked past Ryū and put a hand on his shoulder. “I think that's your boyfriend over there,” he whispered. Ryū's head whipped around and indeed, Ennoshita was leaning at a wall just a little ways from where the team had held their short meeting. Ryū was tempted to run towards him but restrained himself. _You're in public, Ryū._ he reminded himself and tried to walk over as casually as possible.

“Hey.”

“Hey,” Ennoshita replied softly. “That was one hell of a match. You were really good.”

“Thanks.” Ryū looked around to see whether the coast was clear, but there were still too many people around. Ennoshita grinned at him.

“Should we go somewhere more private?” he suggested quietly, apparently able to read Ryū's mind.

They ended up finding a deserted corner that was hidden behind a bunch of huge potted plants.

Ennoshita leaned back against the wall and put his hands on both sides of Ryū's face. “I'm really happy that you advanced to the next round.”

“I'm happy that you were there to see it.” Ryū closed the gap between them, softly coaxing Ennoshita's mouth open with a flick of the tongue. Compared to what they'd gotten up to during the last couple of weeks, this kiss was rather tame but it still sent Ryū's head spinning. This was the best possible reward for winning a match.

 

The entire team was once again stuffed into Ryū and Ennoshita's flat to celebrate. They'd won their second match of the day as well, which meant that they would advance to the quarter finals that would take place in two months. The fourth years kept to themselves, but the rest of the team welcomed Ennoshita, Kinoshita-san and Narita-san amongst them like old friends.

“Honestly, I'm glad you ended up fighting with Nakatomi,” Suga-san said. “Otherwise he'd still be around and I don't think I could've taken any more of his toxic bullshit.”

“Yes. Things are a lot more relaxed since he's gone,” Asahi-san added, sipping at his drink.

“Well, I'm glad we could be of help,” Kinoshita-san said, grinning jovially.

“Please don't start any more fights, though.” Ryū shuddered at the memory of all the tense moments with Nakatomi-san that had followed. “I don't think my heart would be able to take it.”

Their conversation was suddenly cut short by the sound of wooden blocks falling to the ground which was quickly followed by an infuriated yell from Noya-san.

“I demand a rematch!” he said, pointing a finger at Kageyama.

“Honestly, Noya,” Daichi-san was rolling his eyes at him, “just admit it already. Kageyama is better at Jenga than you.”

“I will not admit defeat!”

“Uh, I think I need to step in,” Asahi-san said, put down his glass on the kitchen counter and rushed over to where his boyfriend was almost foaming at the mouth.

 

~~~

 

The flat felt eerily quiet after everyone had left to catch the last train, leaving Tanaka and Chikara to clean up the remnants of the celebration. Luckily, cleaning up mostly consisted of doing the dishes and putting away the Wii controllers.

“Honestly, I would've never thought that an entire volleyball club in a flat this small would leave behind less of a mess than three of Yamada's friends,” Chikara said as he finally flopped down on his bed. Tanaka yawned and joined him, resting his head on Chikara's shoulder.

“I'm ninety percent sure that that's only the case because everyone knows that Daichi-san would kill us if we stepped out of line,” Tanaka mumbled.

“Is he really that scary?” Chikara asked, carding his fingers through Tanaka's hair.

“You haven't seen him angry yet.” Tanaka sighed, grabbed Chikara's hand and guided it to his lips. “I'm glad you get along with my friends.”

“They're nice.”

Tanaka turned over and leaned over Chikara, softly kissing him. Chikara hummed in approval and ran his hands over Tanaka's arms and shoulders. How someone as strong and muscular as Tanaka could be so gentle was a mystery to Chikara. He'd seen Tanaka angry and ready to throw a punch in defence of his friends, but he'd also seen him cry over children's anime (he'd made him watch his entire collection of Ghibli DVDs by now). That contrast was what made him so loveable. Breaking away from Tanaka's lips, Chikara whispered a breathless “I love you” and placed fleeting kisses all over his neck. Tanaka groaned, slipping a hand underneath Chikara's shirt. A few weeks ago this would've sent Chikara running, but in that moment he felt a pleasant shiver run down his spine at the unexpected skin contact. He wanted more of this, but Tanaka was already pulling back.

“Damn, I'm beat,” he yawned.

“Then we should probably sleep. You've had a long day,” Chikara said, pressing one last kiss on his lips.

Tanaka sighed and made himself comfortable in Chikara's arms. “Love you,” he whispered sleepily and a couple of minutes later he was out like a light, leaving Chikara to wonder why he felt so disappointed that they'd stopped.

 

~~~

 

Life was hectic at the start of term. Between figuring out his new schedule, training for the quarter finals and helping Saeko-nee with the preparations for her wedding, time seemed to fly by at twice the normal speed. And then suddenly the end of September was upon them and Ryū went to pick up his parents at the train station to accompany them to their hotel.

“Why didn't you bring Ennoshita-kun?” his mother asked instead of thanking him for taking her suitcase. “I would really like to meet him before the wedding, you know?”

“He still has classes,” Ryū explained for what felt like the tenth time. “You'll meet him at dinner.”

“Your mother was just as excited about hearing that you have a new boyfriend as she was about Saeko's engagement,” Ryū's father said.

“Well, I want all my children to be in good hands after all.”

“You'll like him,” Ryū assured her. There was no way they wouldn't approve of Ennoshita. He was the kind of guy every mother wanted to have for a son-in-law.

Once they reached the hotel, Ryū helped his parents carry their suitcases to their room and promised to meet them again in the evening, so they could walk to the izakaya together where they would have dinner with Saeko-nee and the Tsukishima family.

 

~~~

 

Chikara stared at himself in the bathroom mirror. Not a hair was out of place and he'd actually made an effort to iron his t-shirt before putting it on, but he still felt like something was off. Maybe it was the strained look on his face and how his lower lip was all red because he'd chewed on it in an attempt to calm his nerves during his last lecture of the day.

“Ennoshita? You done in there?” Tanaka yelled from the other side of the door.

“I'll be out in a second!” Chikara replied and took a couple of deep breaths. He wasn't the first guy that Tanaka had introduced to his parents. They accepted their son's bisexuality without complaint. Also the dinner was supposed to be an opportunity for the families of the bride and groom to meet and get to know each other. Chikara was not going to be the centre of attention. He could deal with all of this if nobody paid attention to him.

Stepping outside of the bathroom, he found his boyfriend putting on a hoodie with “Todai Volleyball Club” written on the front.

“Why are you wearing that?” Chikara asked, frowning sceptically.

“Sendai University was eliminated in the second round of the tournament and Akiteru-san's brother is going to be there. I wanna show him who's boss,” Tanaka said, grinning evilly.

Chikara sighed. “You're such a child.”

 

Walking up to the hotel, Chikara instantly recognised Tanaka's parents who were waiting for them in front of the building. Both Saeko-san and Tanaka had most of their looks from their father, who had the same grey eyes and borderline wicked grin, though he was considerably shorter than both of them. Tanaka's mother, however, appeared to be taller than her children.

They both started waving at them from afar.

Involuntarily, Chikara sought out Tanaka's hand and held on to it for dear life. _This is so much worse than any film festival could ever be._

“Ah, hello! You must be Ennoshita-kun!” Tanaka's father exclaimed. “I'm Tanaka Toshiro, Ryūnosuke's father, and this is my lovely wife Ai.”

“Hello. It's a pleasure to meet you,” Chikara said, hastily bowing his head. His voice was shaking with nerves.

“My, my, don't be so shy!” Tanaka's mother said, smiling kindly. “We don't bite.”

“I hope Ryūnosuke hasn't been giving you any trouble?” Tanaka's father asked.

“Ugh, Dad!”

_Saeko-san asked me the exact same thing._

“No, Ta–” Chikara started, but then realised that things would get really weird if he kept calling his boyfriend by his family name in the presence of his family, “uh, Ryū is a gentleman!”

Ryū's mother let out a snort that was everything but ladylike.

“I think you are the first person to utter his name in the same sentence as the word 'gentleman',” she said, pinching her son's cheek.

“Honestly!” Ryū shoved his mother's hand away and rubbed at his cheek. “Why is every single person in this family always trying to embarrass me?” he complained. “We need to get going now or else we'll be late.”

“Then go on and lead the way,” his father said.

 

~~~

 

Ryū was very much aware of the fact that Ennoshita had started calling him by his given name and it made him feel all warm and fuzzy inside. He was so absorbed in his happy little bubble that only held him, his boyfriend, and his parents that he only noticed that he was still holding Ennoshita's hand by the time they reached the izakaya where a bunch of businessmen walked past them. One of them almost tripped on his way out, because he was staring at them instead of looking where he was going.

_Stare all you want, Mister, I'm not going to let go of this guy._

“Mum, Dad, over here!” Saeko-nee yelled loudly. She was already kneeling at a table with Akiteru-san, his family and... Ryū couldn't for the life of him remember the guy's name.

_Why is that Freckles-kun from Sendai Uni here?_

“Let me introduce you all,” Akiteru-san said, pointing at every person in turn, “these are my parents, Rinako and Masaru, and this is my brother Kei and his boyfriend Yamaguchi Tadashi.”

Well, that explained why he was here. Ryū didn't know what poor Yamaguchi-kun saw in a dickhead like Tsukishima-kun, but whatever. That wasn't his problem.

 

~~~

 

Dinner with the Tanaka and Tsukishima families was a revelation in many ways. First, Chikara found out why Akiteru-san had been so relaxed about Narita and Kinoshita when they first met. His own brother was in a gay relationship, so obviously it was nothing new to him. Chikara also quickly realised that Ryū had inherited not just his looks from his parents, but also a great deal of his personality. The Tanakas, in general, were a _noisy_ family. The four of them were louder than the entire Tokyo University volleyball club after they'd won a game. But what surprised Chikara the most was how warmly they welcomed him amongst themselves.

It was still an exhausting evening, especially since Ryū kept picking fights with Tsukishima-kun and Yamaguchi-kun. Both Chikara and Akiteru-san tried to calm them down, but Saeko-san kept egging them on, cackling in delight whenever Ryū managed to land a particularly “sick burn” as she called it. Meanwhile Akiteru-san's father and Ryū's father had started a drinking contest, which ultimately resulted in Ai-san, Ryū and Chikara having to carry Toshiro-san back to the hotel.

Once they'd successfully dropped him off and started walking home, Ryū chuckled happily.

“You don't call me Tanaka anymore,” he noted, grinning widely.

“It would've been really confusing for everyone if I did,” Chikara explained sheepishly. “I mean, your entire family is Tanaka and if I–”

“I like it,” Ryū interrupted. “Would you mind if I called you Chikara?”

“You already do sometimes. And I don't mind.” Chikara actually quite enjoyed it. It felt like they were closer somehow when all polite pretences were dropped.

“Well then, Chikara it is!”

 

~~~

 

Two hours before the wedding, Ryū realised that he'd never had to wear a tie in his entire life. Both his middle and high school had had gakuran for school uniforms and so far he'd always managed to get away with a nice pair of slacks and a button-down for formal events. So now he stood in front of the mirror and tried to follow the instructions he'd found on the internet, but somehow the knot always came out crooked.

After fifteen minutes of tying and retying, he finally gave up, swallowed his pride and decided to ask Chikara for help.

“I also wore gakuran, but I still know how to put on a tie,” Chikara said, amusement ringing in his voice as he took the dark red tie from Ryū and put it around his neck.

“It's not like I've never put one on, but usually they go around my wrists and not my neck,” Ryū replied matter-of-factly.

“Oh my god, why are you telling me this?” Chikara muttered, blushing furiously.

“Uh, sorry. I... uh...” Ryū didn't really know why he'd said that. It had just slipped out.

“No, don't apologise,” Chikara sighed, eyes trained on the tie, but still obviously embarrassed. “You're just planting ideas in my head that will keep me up at night. At some point at least. And I don't know yet if these ideas are something that will actually work for me if you get what I mean.”

Ryū leaned forward and pecked Chikara's cheek. “I think I get it.”

Their make-out sessions had become more and more passionate in recent days and Chikara was gaining some confidence when it came to these matters, but it was still a work in progress. Ryū knew that he had to be patient.

Chikara smoothed out the tie on Ryū's chest and let his eyes sweep over Ryū's outfit appreciatively.

“How do I look?”

Chikara bit his lower lip and took a step closer so that he was almost pressed up against Ryū's body.

“You should wear suits more often,” he whispered and placed a fleeting kiss on Ryū's lips that left him wanting more, but he already stepped away towards his closet. “I should probably get dressed now, too.”

Ryū watched him in a daze, wondering how a human being could be so perfect.

 

Seeing Saeko-nee in a bright red dress was unexpected, but then again Ryū should've probably known that she wasn't the type of bride who went with a typical white wedding dress. She still looked absolutely stunning though, especially with that wide smile that was permanently plastered to her face.

“Aaaaah, Ryū-chan, it's really happening,” she said excitedly as they got ready for the ceremony. “You still have the ring, right?”

“Obviously.” Ryū rolled his eyes and pulled out the small case that he kept in the pockets of his slacks.

“You should probably go inside now, Ryūnosuke,” their father told him. Ryū was supposed to wait at the front of the room, together with Akiteru-san and his brother, while Saeko-nee was supposed to be walked into the room by her father.

“Yeah, you're right,” Ryū agreed and pulled Saeko-nee in for one last hug. “Honestly, I'm so happy for you.”

“Thank you.”

 

~~~

 

Chikara was sitting on a chair next to Yamaguchi-kun. The guy was actually kinda nice when he wasn't trying to get a rise out of people.

“Why do guys in suits look so hot?” Yamaguchi-kun whispered, ogling his boyfriend who was standing next to Akiteru-san, obviously annoyed at his older brother's nerves.

Chikara shrugged, letting his gaze travel over his own boyfriend's body. He'd already noticed that Ryū looked good in formal clothes when they'd gone shopping for suits, but ever since he'd helped him put on that stupid tie, he could barely keep his eyes off him. He wondered how it would feel to have Ryū under him, Chikara being in full control because Ryū's hands were tied up by a piece of silky fabric... Chikara shook his head, chasing away the images. This was not the time and place for fantasies. This would've never happened to him before he'd met Ryū.

“I have no idea,” he sighed, hoping that that was answer enough.

Yamaguchi-kun chuckled and looked at his watch. “I think it's time now.”

 

It was a beautiful ceremony that mixed together all different kinds of traditions. It had some Shinto elements like the exchange of sake cups (Akiteru-san almost spilt the sake because he was shaking so hard), but there was also the more western exchange of wedding rings and vows. Throughout it all, Saeko-san was glowing with happiness and Akiteru-san spent most of the time staring at her with wonder in his eyes. Next to them Tsukishima-kun wore one of his elusive genuine smiles, while Ryū was sniffling and on the verge of tears.

Chikara couldn't help the smile on his face as Saeko-san forcefully pulled on Akitaru-san's tie to get his face level with hers so they could kiss.

 

“Maybe we should do a photo of the two families together?”

One of Saeko-san's friends had brought her DSLR and was taking photos of everyone before they had time to get smashed at the reception.

“Ooh yes! Definitely!” Saeko-san said, pulling at Ryū's arm to get him to stand next to her. He rolled his eyes but obediently put an arm around her shoulder while their parents stepped up to join them.

“Ennoshita-kun, what are you doing? Come up here!” Ryū's mother demanded.

Chikara's eyes went wide. “But I– I mean I– I'm not actually–” he stumbled over his own words. _I'm just an outsider!_ He was screaming internally, but the Tanakas were having none of it.

“Stop the mumbling and get up here,” Saeko-san said. “You're basically my little brother, Chikara!”

When he still didn't move, Ryū sighed and went to get him.

“But I'm not family,” he whispered as Ryū manoeuvred him towards the others.

“Don't be silly. If we say you're part of our family then you are family,” Ryū replied matter-of-factly, once again wrapping one arm around his sister's shoulder and the other one around Chikara's waist.

 _How is this even real?_ Chikara thought as he felt Ai-san's hand on his arm. He was filled with warmth from head to toe, grateful for these people who accepted him at the side of their brother and son like it was the most natural thing in the world.

 

~~~

 

After dinner, Akiteru-san's brother turned on the music. Ryū was loath to admit it, but Tsukishima-kun had excellent taste.

As the floor filled with dancing couples, Ryū leaned over to Chikara, who hadn't left his side since the photo shoot.

“Do you wanna dance?”

“I can't dance,” Chikara said, frowning.

“Me neither. But it'll be fun!” Ryū urged, tugging at Chikara's hand.

Chikara didn't look too convinced, but he didn't fight back when Ryū led him onto the dance floor. An upbeat pop song was currently blasting out of the speakers and most of the guests sang along loudly. Ryū couldn't help but be swept along by the mood, dancing without a care in the world and pulling Chikara along with him. They stepped on each others' feet a couple of times and their movements weren't exactly coordinated, but there was the tiniest smile on Chikara's face and that was all Ryū needed. He leaned forward and kissed those smiling lips. Chikara immediately melted into the touch.

“Get him, Ryū-chan!” Saeko-nee shouted loudly from somewhere amongst the crowd.

When they pulled away from each other, Chikara's face was strawberry red and Ryū was grinning broadly.

 

~~~

 

It was way past midnight when Chikara and Ryū stumbled through their front door.

“I'm so freaking exhausted,” Ryū yawned, leaning against Chikara's side to balance himself while he took off his shoes. Chikara was too tired to complain and waited patiently until Ryū was done before he took off his own shoes. They went straight to Chikara's room, leaving a trail of ties, suit jackets and socks behind them. Ryū started unbuttoning his shirt and Chikara froze in place, staring at him. He'd seen his boyfriend's bare chest so often that he should've been desensitised, but at that moment something was different.

Maybe it was the general atmosphere of love and happiness that had surrounded them all day. Maybe it was the fact that Ryū pulled off that suit and tie so well that Chikara ended up staring at him every chance he got. No matter the reason, the result was the same – all fatigue was suddenly forgotten because Chikara wanted to run his hands all over those lean muscles.

“Don't move.” Chikara was surprised by the commanding tone of his own voice and so was Ryū, who had just thrown his shirt over the back of Chikara's desk chair.

“Okay?” He stood in the middle of the room in nothing but his dark grey slacks. Chikara took a step forward, haltingly reaching out with his hand.

“C-can I?”

“Uh, sure.”

Chikara brushed his fingers over Ryū's collarbone and then down to his chest, where he could feel his heartbeat accelerate beneath his touch.

“Erm, Chikara... What's this about?” Ryū asked nervously.

For a moment Chikara didn't know how to reply. _What_ is _this about?_ he asked himself, fascinated with the way Ryū's muscles twitched as he moved his hand lower. Chikara was tempted to lean forward and place kisses all over Ryū's chest. He wanted them to be closer. He wanted to feel skin against skin...

Chikara suddenly remembered that time Ryū ended up falling asleep and how disappointed he'd felt that they'd had to stop. Chikara finally understood why he'd felt that way. He looked up, his eyes meeting with Ryū's.

“I think I'm ready,” he said.

“For...”

“I wanna have sex with you.”

Ryū's eyes went wide. “Now?!”

“Only if you want to, obviously.” Chikara's voice was a lot more steady than he would've expected of himself.

“It's not that I don't want to, but... Are you sure?” Ryū asked, placing his hand over Chikara's. “This is kinda sudden after all.”

Chikara sighed, letting his head sink against Ryū's shoulder. “I know. But I just...” He shrugged weakly, unable to really express what had changed. “You're all kinds of amazing, you're patient and always so gentle with me. You make me feel safe. And you look so damn hot with and without that suit.”

Ryū groaned, wrapping his free arm around Chikara and pulling him closer. “You are going to be the death of me.” Sighing, he buried his face in Chikara's hair. “We should move this to my room just in case we need... uh... supplies.”

 

~~~

 

This development was the last thing Ryū would've expected, especially not after such an exhausting day. And yet he found himself in his bed with a smiling Chikara that was trying his best to drive him absolutely crazy. They'd spent enough time snogging that Chikara knew exactly which buttons to push if he wanted Ryū's brain to turn into useless mush. Chikara's hands were all over Ryū's back, running along his spine first, then travelling to his shoulder blades and down his sides. Ryū's hands clawed at the sheets next to Chikara's head, trying to restrain himself.

As tempting it was to just throw all caution to the wind and ravish his boyfriend, Ryū knew that he had to take this slow for multiple reasons. Most importantly, Chikara was still inexperienced. Ryū would rather take his time and make sure that Chikara was having the best time of his life instead of rushing it and potentially scaring him.

“Do you have anything particular in mind?” Ryū asked, trailing his lips over Chikara's jaw.

“Not really, to be honest,” Chikara replied breathlessly. “I just... I want to be close to you.”

“So... Something like this...?” Ryū experimentally pressed his lower body to Chikara's and to his surprise Chikara was already pitching a tent. _Holy fucking shit, he actually wants this._ So far Chikara had always stopped them before he'd shown any sign of obvious arousal.

“Fuck, do that again,” Chikara demanded, digging his fingers into Ryū's skin right above the waistband of Ryū's slacks. Ryū was happy to comply, mouthing at Chikara's neck as he pressed down again.

“Oh _fuck_ , I think the pants have to go,” Chikara whined and made quick process of Ryū's belt buckle.

 

~~~

 

Chikara's entire body felt like it was burning up with desire. His hands were shaking as he unzipped Ryū's slacks and noticed how hard he was.

“Slow down, Chikara,” Ryū said, getting up on his knees and climbing off of Chikara to take off his pants, “we have all the time in the world.”

Groaning, Chikara let his head fall back against the mattress. “I've never felt like this in my entire life, but I just _want you_.”

“That's very reassuring to know, but it doesn't mean we have to rush this,” Ryū reminded him, leaving his trousers on the floor. “And maybe you should take your pants off, too.”

 _Right._ Chikara had been too preoccupied with Ryū's clothes that he had forgotten about his own. Impatiently, he unfastened the button and zipper, lifted his hips, pushed the pants down and kicked them off the bed. Chikara was glad that he'd ended up wearing one of his more flattering pairs of underpants, especially when he saw how Ryū stared down at him. Slowly, Chikara's boyfriend sat back down on the bed and leaned down to kiss him. Chikara loved the feeling of Ryū's tongue sliding against his own. It made his heart thump loudly in his chest and it fanned the flames of his desire until he could barely take it anymore.

Chikara gathered up all his courage and slid his hand down Ryū's abs until he could slip the tips of his fingers beneath the waistband of his boxer shorts. Ryū sighed, helping Chikara get rid of the annoying piece of cloth, freeing his erection.

Back when Chikara had still played volleyball he'd seen enough naked guys in the baths at training camp, but none of them had ever been hard. It obviously would've freaked Chikara out to see someone else's arousal like this back then, but this was Ryū. Everything was different with Ryū. Instead of being repulsed he felt happy that he was the cause of this, that Ryū still wanted him after all the waiting he'd made him go through.

“Is it okay if I take yours off, too?” Ryū asked, softly brushing his thumb over Chikara's cheek.

“Yeah.” Biting his lower lip, Chikara lifted his hips and let Ryū pull down his boxer-briefs. Ryū's eyes travelled all over Chikara's exposed body, sending a shiver down his spine.

“You're beautiful,” Ryū whispered and Chikara felt his cheeks heat up. He contemplated hiding his face but thought of a better way to mask his embarrassment. _He can't see my face if I kiss him._ Quickly, he wrapped his arms around Ryū's neck and pulled him down again, slotting their lips together desperately.

As Ryū climbed back on top of him, Chikara couldn't hold back a throaty moan.

“You still okay with this?” Ryū asked, running his hands over Chikara's chest.

“I'm very okay with this.”

Ryū took a deep breath and shifted his position so that he was rubbing up against Chikara like he'd done before. This time though, without all the layers of fabric between them, it was almost sensory overload for Chikara. It was fire in his veins, electricity up his spine, and butterflies in his stomach all mixed together. He let out an involuntary gasp and was about to tell Ryū to stop, but then their eyes met and that last flare of nerves and fear vanished. There was something in Ryū's facial expression that was so gentle and filled with love that it made Chikara's heart soar.

“Does it feel good?” Ryū's voice was low and rough with restraint.

“Yeah,” Chikara replied breathlessly, “it's a little much, but I wanna keep going.”

A little unsure, he moved his hips against Ryū's, causing a fresh wave of pleasure to ripple through his body. Ryū moaned and dipped down for a sloppy kiss.

 

~~~

 

Ryū wasn't entirely sure anymore whether this was a dream or reality. He'd had sex before and most of the time he'd enjoyed it a lot, but something about this was different in a way that made goosebumps rise on his skin. Chikara's movements were clumsy and not always well-timed, but that was kinda endearing. The way he gasped for air when Ryū wrapped his fingers around their dicks to add more friction sent tingles through Ryū's entire body.

“Oh fuck, Ryū,” Chikara moaned, digging his fingers into a sensitive spot on Ryū's back, right below his shoulder blade. Ryū had no idea whether that was intentional or a lucky accident, but either way it felt unbelievably good and it also reassured him that this was real and not something his overactive imagination had dreamt up.

Maybe it was different, because he'd waited so long for this moment to happen (Ryū had basically fallen in love the moment Ennoshita Chikara first set foot in the flat), or maybe it was different because he knew how much trust Chikara had to put in him for this to work (Ryū would always remember that breakdown Chikara had had right after they started dating). Ryū didn't know and it didn't actually matter. Not when it felt strangely perfect.

“I love you so much, Chikara,” he whispered into Chikara's ear and was rewarded with another gasp. He wanted to permanently burn that sound into his memory.

“I– I love you, t-too.”

After that, it didn't take long for the both of them to reach climax. Ryū came with Chikara's name on his lips, his entire body shaking. Meanwhile Chikara buried his face in the crook of Ryū's neck, whimpering incomprehensibly. Ryū stroked them both through it until the waves of pleasure subsided.

Sighing, he rolled off of Chikara and grabbed the box of tissues he kept on his bedside table, so they could at least clean up the worst of it before all the fluids dried up. They did so with few words, but once they were done and Ryū had thrown the blanket over them, Chikara sighed.

“Now I'm sleepy.”

Ryū laughed, hugging him close to his body. “Me too.”

“I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

 

~~~

 

Curled up in Ryū's arms, blissed out and utterly exhausted, Chikara finally understood what was so appealing about sex. It wasn't about chasing an orgasm, at least not for him, but there was something intoxicating about being intimate with someone he loved. He couldn't deny that having sex felt at least ten times better than masturbating by himself, but that actually meant very little to him. Sharing these moments with Ryū, seeing him enjoy himself, being closer to him than he'd ever been with someone else, all of that was ultimately more important to Chikara than his own pleasure.

It had only been a coincidence that Chikara ran into Nishinoya at just the right time, when he was looking for a new place to stay and Ryū was looking for a new flatmate, but looking back on it, it was the luckiest coincidence of Chikara's life.

No matter what would happen in the future, as long as Ryū was by his side, Chikara was sure that he'd be able to deal with anything life would throw at him.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter to go!


	15. I am what I am

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I heard it all, did it my way  
> Did it my way  
> You can’t change me  
> I am what I am  
> I am what I am  
> No, you can’t change me
> 
>  
> 
> [KMFDM - I am what I am](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gx30_2yGMsw)

_Several years later..._

 

“Ennoshita-sensei!” Ikehara-kun was waving at Ryū as soon as he spotted him leaving the staff room. “Rina-chan gave me the applications for the volleyball club.”

“Oh, thanks,” Ryū smiled at the new captain of the volleyball club, took the pieces of paper from him and looked them through. “Oh nice, there are a lot of new members this year! Seems like you did a good job recruiting, Ikehara-kun.”

“Nah, that was all Rina-chan's doing. She's scary when she gets all fired up.”

Ryū grinned. “Well, you're lucky to have a dedicated manager for your club.”

“By the way, Ennoshita-sensei,” Ikehara-kun said, suddenly changing the topic of the conversation, “I watched a DVD with my friends yesterday and when the credits started rolling I noticed that the director's name is spelled with the same kanji as yours and it got me thinking. Are you maybe related to Ennoshita Chikara?”

“Can you keep a secret, Ikehara-kun?” Ryū asked, lowering his voice conspiratorially.

“Of course!”

“He's my husband.”

Ikehara-kun looked confused for a moment, but then he started laughing his ass off. “Good one, Ennoshita-sensei,” he said, wheezing.

It was the truth, but Ryū was fine with his student thinking that it was a joke. Actually, it was probably for the best that nobody at the school knew that he'd been adopted into the Ennoshita family registry right before he'd started applying for teaching jobs. Same-sex marriage was still not legal in Japan and adoption had at least provided them with the benefit of visitation rights should one of them ever be hospitalised.

“Well, you should get going now, third period is about to start,” Ryū said, heaving a sigh.

 

~~~

 

“... but it's a shame that Hisashi-kun is so bad at giving interviews,” Chikara's mother said, sighing loudly and causing a bunch of static to flare up at Chikara's end of the line. “Isn't that going to make it harder for him to find roles?”

“I don't think so,” Chikara replied, looking out of the window of his small house on the outskirts of Tokyo. He'd just come home from a press conference for his and Kazuhito's latest film. “It's all about the auditions and their performance when I choose an actor at least.”

“When is the premiere for your film again?”

“Friday in two weeks.”

“Ah, right. I should write that down before I forget again,” she said. Chikara could hear her rustle around for pen and paper. “It's a shame you can't take Ryū-kun with you.”

Chikara smiled.

His mother hadn't always thought that way. Back when he'd first told her that he was seeing someone and that that someone was a guy, she'd tried to talk him out of it.

“ _Are you sure about this? Don't you want to have a family one day? What about your career? Won't this ruin your prospects?”_

It hadn't helped that Chikara's father had also been totally against the relationship.

“ _What do you think you're doing?! What am I supposed to tell the rest of the family? You break up with him this instant!”_

Chikara had known that they would react that way, but he hadn't cared. He'd just brought Ryū home for New Year's with him anyway. Chikara's mother had been instantly won over by his charm and the way he praised her food.

“ _I thought Chikara's curry was good, but this is literal heaven!”_ (Chikara had made sure to ask his mother for her recipe afterwards.)

It had taken a lot more time for Chikara's father to come around. He eventually stopped asking Chikara to break up with Ryū and when Chikara told him that he wanted to adopt Ryū into their family registry after they'd graduated from uni he allowed it, albeit begrudgingly. Chikara was ninety-nine percent sure that that was due to his mother's influence.

“Ryū and I will celebrate the day before with our friends,” Chikara explained, taking another peek out of the window. “Asahi-san, Yū, Hisashi and Kazuhito will come by our house and we'll have dinner together.”

“That sounds nice,” Chikara's mother said in the same moment as Chikara spotted Ryū on his way back from school.

“Well, we should probably hang up now,” Chikara said. “Ryū's home from work and I need to get dinner started.”

“Alright. Tell him I said hi.”

“Will do. Bye.”

“Bye.”

 

~~~

 

“I'm home!” Ryū announced loudly, kicking off his shoes.

“Welcome home,” Chikara greeted him with a small smile. Even after all these years of living together, Ryū was still struck with how freaking handsome his partner was.

“How did the press conference go?” Ryū asked, placing a quick peck on Chikara's cheek.

“It was fine, I guess.” Chikara shrugged. “Hisashi was a wreck, though. He's still not used to the limelight. It would've probably gone better if Kazuhito was there, but he had to deal with that radio station interview...”

Ryū nodded sympathetically. “I really don't envy that part of your jobs.”

“I'd rather deal with reporters than with a horde of pubescent boys,” Chikara said. “Are there a lot of new first years in the volleyball club?”

“Tons! Rina-chan is a genius when it comes to recruiting...”

They continued to talk about their days while Chikara prepared dinner. Ryū enjoyed watching him, liked the concentrated look on his face when he was dicing up vegetables and the way he huffed amusedly at Ryū's story about how Ikehara-kun had asked him if he was related to him.

“One day your co-workers are going to find out,” Chikara chided.

“Suga-san knows already,” Ryū said, although he knew exactly what Chikara meant.

“He's been your friend since uni, so he doesn't count. I just want you to be careful. I know you like your job and it'd be a shame if you lost it because of something like this.”

“I know. But it gets frustrating having to keep this a secret,” Ryū sighed, leaning against the cabinet next to Chikara. “I wish I could actually marry you.”

“Me too,” Chikara replied, smile turning sad. “We'll get there eventually.”

Being with Chikara hadn't always been easy. They'd had their differences and fights about smaller and bigger things, mostly because both of them could be quite stubborn, but they always resolved their issues quickly. To Ryū, what they had was important and worth all the effort he had to put in to make it work and apparently Chikara felt the same. Why else would he have proposed to him after he'd handed in his last film assignment for his bachelor's degree?

Life wasn't always sunshine and rainbows. It had its ups and downs but at the end of the day Ryū got to experience them together with Chikara.

He placed a hand on Chikara's arm, making him turn his head.

“I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

The sincerity in Chikara's voice when he said those words was all Ryū needed to be happy.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your lovely messages and comments on this fic! I can barely believe that so many of you liked this story! I know I keep saying this, but all EnnoTana shippers I have interacted with so far are lovely people and I wanna hug all of you <3  
> I'll be back with more haikyuu!! fics once I'm done with my term paper. You can expect more EnnoTana, but also KinoNari :3 And I'll also be translating one of my older original stories from German into English on my [tumblr.](http://gilrael.tumblr.com)


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